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Bipolar boyfriend feels sad he cannot love

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My ex just wrote me an email saying how sad he feels for everything, saying he cannot love me, also he said before he cannot love anybody. I feel that by the amount of time we spent together and all that happened between us love would be a normal consequence for any normal man. I said that to him. I dont think he really knows what love is, he confuses love with sex.
He wants to see me again and I BET anything that as now im disappearing from his life he will look for me, start phoning me, wanting to go out again, etc. I bet also that he loves me and doenst know it,he is not at all in touch with his own emotions. Guys out there, what do you think, this man says he cannot be without me, he emails me frequently, he phones me about 5 times a day, he loves going out with me, he says im his only one, this and that, and books hotels for us with jacuzzi and breakfast, says he misses me even when he passes by the underground station where I live, and still can say he doesnt love me, is that what BIpolar does to one. What do I do next? Good idea not to say anything more and cut contact? I do love him to shreds. I wish I could stop loving him but it is not happening. Im normal. I offered to help him see a doctor. What do I do when he starts phoning me again? He is already sad, a good start, because some days ago he was not bothering at all.
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First Helper User Profile LiftmeUp
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replied July 10th, 2011
Hi Please please run away fast! This guy will ultimately destroy you I know its not what you want to hear but its true x Im sorry after all the hurt and unbelievablr pain I have been through I dont want anyone to go through this and keep going through this. Walk away you know it will be the best thing you ever do xx
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replied July 19th, 2011
My husband is bipolar and as much as I truly love him, the pain is just unbearable most of the time. Run. Fast. I stayed with my husband because I believed that every human being should be loved and love in return. It's that "love in return" part we're having major problems with. I feel like shell of the person I used to be. My only dream in life was to be happy and that seems SO far out of reach right now. Your boyfriend is likely not a bad person, but I can almost guarantee he'll be a source of sadness and pain if you stick around. Sorry hon.
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replied October 1st, 2011
Bipolar type 2 boyfriend
OMG, Reggiane, sounds like MY EXACT SITUATION. I have been on and off with a guy for 18 months. He was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 just the other day. He says he loves me and then 5 minutes later says that there's something not quite right between us. He also says that exes have told him that he doesn't know what love is. He loves me most when I am away from him and when I am with him he is bored with me. Happens every time. I love this guy too, but I know that a life with him would be too painful to bear. He wants to sleep with other women. It's no good. I have to let him go. But I know when he is lonely, he'll be calling me up to tell me I'm the only one for him, blah blah blah.. I just can't do it anymore.
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replied October 2nd, 2011
Experienced User
Friend, I truly deeply understand. Just about 5 minutes ago my ex phoned me 6 times, after three weeks of silence. I did not pick up the phone, as I know what he wants, he is lonely most likely and wants a dinner with me and a shag, but no more, as I now have a normal, loving man in my life who loves me and whom I love and no more tamtrums, fights, problems, misery and pain. Love is love, pain is not love. John is starting to phone me but my love for Karl is now going to stick and enough of Johns antticks and calling me when he wants thinking im at his beck and call. As I said, he started it again JUST now, before I read your message, 5 phone calls and no answer from me!!!!!! Isnt that wonderful!!!!! Cant wait to see my real boyfriend again and go on in our NORMAL strong relationship.
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replied October 2nd, 2011
Experienced User
It's hard not to take what the people above are saying personally. It's nauseating so I'll go straight to Reggiane. You sound like a sweetheart! I'm bipolar II and I'm currently in treatment for it so I hope you don't mind if I share my opinion.

Do you mind if I ask if he's had any bad relationships that could affect that? If not, it does sound pretty common for a man with bipolar to say that. Women tend to reach out for help and express their illness more than men. Confusing love with sex is another symptom we learn about. Usually, people with bipolar are risk takers and love sex. It's called Hypersexuality and it comes during mania when we feel like we're "on top of the world" which is unrealistic.

I personally think he could or does know how to love just not how to express it. You pretty much said it!

Quote:
I bet also that he loves me and doesn't know it,he is not at all in touch with his own emotions.


IT sounds like he's really become attached to you. It's hard to admit but I can now, I have done this before. In my case it was an obsession and fear of rejection or abandonment. A lot of people will go out of their way to apologize but instead of an apology, will buy you things or something like that.

Bipolar does do this to people but it can be treated. Will he look at books or success stories (you can find them online)? Even if he denies it, I'm pretty sure he wants help. It can be painful. If I were you, I would offer support, encouragement, and love. If he refuses to get treatment, I would cut him off for now. Bipolar disorder makes a person only see themselves instead of how they're hurting others.
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replied October 2nd, 2011
Experienced User
to liftmeup

I did try. Please do not judge me, if you read my story, you will know how much I have researched into Bipolar, how much I have supported him for two years, how much I have loved him and asked him to see a doctor, he refuses and denies he is sick. I suffered much and despaiared of my life, I moved abroad for three months to forget about him and have correspondeded and phoned him daily, he just spoilled aour relationship beyond repair by
- finishing with me out of the blue last September and picing up a woman in a bar
- lying to me that she did not exist and confessing after she did exist and they had sex
- he did come back to me and kept talking about her to the point of saying her name in bed
- he said she was a woamn of easy life and had nothing else to do with her, only to say three weeks ago he felt something for her and not for me
- next day he phoned me 5 times and said he was phoning me and not her .
- disappeared for weeks on end, did not answwer any of my emails, no phone calls , nothing.
- Today phoned me 8 times, I did not pick it once.
- In this time he was mistreating me and saying he did not love me and wanted nothing to do with me, I found a man who does.
- We started a proper relationship that is light years far from my relationship with Jonh.
- now he starts the phoning campaign again, what does he want? He mestreated me for two years, told my daughter to keep me abroad so I wouldnt find him again, and now that Im here he hardly phoned me or came to see me, so I did what any woman would do, I got him out of my mind and got a proper lovely kind boyfriend. No regrets.
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replied October 2nd, 2011
I hear you gfriend. I too have tried and tried despite getting kicked in the teeth numerous times and making ALL the effort in the relationship. I am almost 40 and can't waste any more of my time, UNLESS medication helps him to stabilise his mind and sexual urges. Are there any bp2 men out there who have experienced an improvement in their symptoms after taking medication? I want so much for my 'friend' to have a happy life. His life to date has been relationship failure after relationship failure, anxious, unhappy and unsatisfactory. He has just been diagnosed with bp2, and has not yet begun treatment for it.
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replied October 3rd, 2011
Experienced User
I didn't judge you at all.
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