I'm new to this website. I'm just starting to come out of the devastation I felt after my boyfriend (out of the blue) told me that he's Bipolar and ended our relationship. He'd asked me to marry him, we were looking at houses, to move in together. I'd met all of his family and friends, our children were buddies. Within a week I was out of his life. I've been researching the condition and trying to contact others who may have been through what I have, or may be able to help in any way. I can empathise with what he is going through, but I'm shocked at his suddden, and total abandonment. Even though I'm learning about the condition, and am conscious of what he may be experiencing, I admit that I feel rejected, and at times I doubt whether he ever loved me at all. I had been on my own for 10 years with my son. I wasn't short of the occasional privately contained dalliance, but I'd had no publicly affirmed romance to speak of. I'd been burned and was being careful. He loved me with such intensity and relentlessness that I forgot my barriers were even there. After 10 years it was a crash, bang, wallop adoration. I introduced him to my son (only guy ever other than his Dad), and to my family and close friends. He was divorced with an 18 year old and a 15 year old. Been on his own for years too. I met all his family and friends and everyone was happy that at last he'd met someone. He'd call me 4 times a day and text beautiful words at least 5 times a day. One day he didn't call or text and didn't respond to mine. The next day I asked what was up?...he told me he suffered from severe depression and that he was bipolar. That it ened his last marrriage. Some days he'd not talk to his wife for weeks, months, let alone look at her. that he didn't believe anyone or anything could help him. He'd been on medication for years before and didn't want to 'go down that road again'. That I had no idea how cold he could be, and that he couldn't do it to me, he couldn't break my heart.That he knows how it affects women that he's been in a relationship with, and that it would happen again. That it would inevitably end, and he loves me and my son too much to put us through it. So he was saying goodbye, and that I was better off without him. That he'd tried to commit suicide years ago. He was better off on his own, that's all he can cope with. He said he'd be on his own now for the rest of his life. That he thought my love would be enough, but it wasn't, and it was happening again. He was sobbing and in so much pain. I seen him a week later, he was a different man. Dressed oddly, eyes glazed over, even his voice was different. He held me for an eternity. I tried to kiss him and he pushed me away. I noticed the picture of me that had hung in the kitchen had been replaced by a clock. I walked out the door, we were both crying so much neither of us could breathe. I know it's over. I've had to explain him leaving my life to my family, friends and more importantly my son. I miss him, I feel for him, I'm refocusing on my life without him in my future. It feels like a bereavement. I'm struggling not to hold out false hope that he'll have a change of heart and come back to me. Without personally knowing me, you'll not understand this; but I am considered to be a good judge of character, and I wholeheartedly believed that we were deeply in love. If I didn't see him on any particular evening, he'd turn up at the front door early next morning just to kiss me before work. He was the love of my life, and he had made many similar passionate public declarations. I'm left with being tormented over what I've done to make him fall out of love with me as I cannnot comprehend a heart which can go from fire to ice so swiftly without having just plainly falllen out of love with someone. Please help, if anyone's out there.
Hi Indigoears. I'm sorry you are in this sitution. It is truly painful as I know from my own experience. I know you are in shock and grieving the loss of your future, but better now than later. Bipolar relationships are extremely difficult and more than not end badly. You have your son to think about. Please understand that this is no ones fault and certainly not yours. He is sick. You are better off this happened before you were in any deeper than you already were. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have not heard of ONE bipolar relationship that is happy. Not ONE!!!
Invest some time in yourself, stay busy, meet with friends and family and put this relationship in the past. You've learned a lot about yourself in the process. The things you do want and the things you don't. Do not be discouraged that you can no linger trust your instincts. My bipolar mate was very careful not to reveal his illness to me and I too think I'm a good judge of character. He presented himself as an intelligent, loving, caring, spiritual person. He in fact was a manipulating, liar. By the end of a 3 year relationship, I was scared to death of him. Be glad it is just heartache and nothing more.
All the best to you and your son. Breath a sigh of relief that you dodged a huge bullet.