Nickeldoor,
You have many issues going on that I can not comment on.
If you feel you are BP Medication is your best bet. Self-cure is not a realistic approach to any BP situation.
Zoloft might not be the best medication for you. You must ask your doctor for other forms of medication for proper help. It is a trial and error situation you have.
Try at least one med for 2 weeks then if you do not feel it is best for you change. Request a new medication and go with it for another 2 weeks.
It may take you quite a few different times to get it right. Do not give up!
My husband had to go through something like your situation. He was always negative and angry so it seemed. And after a few months of trial and error/different medications, he was like a new person! I have been with him for 11 years now and this is the best its even been.
Temper was gone, good to get along with again. He was seemingly BP but was never diagnosed with such.
Either way, try to get on another medication if you feel the Zoloft was not right for you.
Suicide is not the answer.. it never is.
I wish I could be of some real help but I am just a regular person on here.
Jennie