I am going through an emotional mess right now, and i cannot seem to get myself together. I feel like there is whole inside of me, and I am just distraught. Let me start with what happened.

About a week ago, i posted an ad on CL for sex. I did it with the intention of just talking dirty to someone online, because i was horny and there has just been a sexual disconnect for some reason with me and my wife. Luckily nothing ever came of it, and i had completely forgot that I had even posted. All of a sudden last night i got a response. I ignored it at first and just let it be and deleted it. Realizing i should go delete the CL ad. The person e-mailed me again, and in a moment of weakness i started talking to her. Having conversations, at one point even exchanged pictures online. At some point she wanted to meet up and go forward with something. In my head i didn't really want to do anything just wanted to feel like i was wanted and needed my someone. I eventually told the girl that this whole thing is not me and that i am being stupid, and was really looking for just dirty talk. She pushed a little more and then i told her that I have someone that am happy with and that this was the most idiotic thing that I have ever done in my life. Feeling extremely guilty to even have let this whole online thing get this far. At that point i deleted the CL post, and her emails so I could try and rid myself of this guilt.

I came home later that evening and my wife who has been upset at me for a day or two, I was unsure why. She stated that she felt like i was drifting away from her, and like there was someone else. I felt so guilty and horrible about what I have done, and I didnt want any lies or deciept between us, and I told her everything. She became broken hearted and now seems to want nothing to do with me, and feels as though I cheated on her. Maybe it was my mistake to say something to her and live with it in my heart, but i could not do that. I just felt so horrible about this whole thing, i needed to get it of my chest.

I dont know what to do now, and am looking for help, or i fear i might do something which would not be good. I know that i never cheated or physically did anything, but she believes that I have been doing it, and just looks at me like I have. It hurts so much and I am so lost. I keep asking myself why did I even post that damn thing online out of a moment of being horny, why did I need to talk dirty to someone.

I consider myself to be one of the nicest guys in the world. I've never hurt anyone or really do anything against anyone. I feel like i sold myself to the devil for doing this, and I lost myself.

What Should I do? How can i get her to forgive me? What do you think...

please help, from a man close to loosing himself.

-from a 25 year old married man for 6 mths.