OK, I haven't been totally honest with my doctors because of the fear of having everything in life (freedom, kids, husband, normal living) taken away from me. I want to be able to live a 'normal' life! I am so not happy with the way I feel and the things I do.

Its like watching a bad movie on lifetime! I see myself yelling and throwing a fit, my body gets all tense like I am about to jump on the next person that looks at me wrong. I have thoughts of hurting or causing some sort of harm (physical or other) to people and truly think that everyone's life directly around me would be better if I was not around. (not my death just gone) Anyway, I want to be NORMAL!

No, i'm not on any meds at this point. Yes at one time i was. Yes the mood stabilizers helped BUT I still felt as if i needed to leave the people around me. I still felt things were not right.

I have one month of 'normal' in the past 12 months! I was getting things done, life was working out, i was making decisions, no flipping out, no yelling, no tense moments etc... Then i had an infection and my Dr. gave me a med called Cipro then everything went back to hell! I read the little thing the pharmacy gives you BEFORE i even starting taking it! Used as; Anti-Physcotic / Anti-Depression / Antibiotic and a few others. Oh, and may cause paranoia! (now i am even worse then before!!) So i called the Dr. and she said go ahead and take it you will be fine. NO NOT SO MUCH! I am NOT fine!

I do want to be honest with the Dr.s, but I have been dealing with them since I was little and know how to 'play' them. I know what all the right answers are and I give them. I was only half honest when i got the digonues of Bi=Polar Type 2 with anxiety.

I think there is something else really wrong with me. No the whole story is not given, but its enough to get the point across. I am still with it enough to understand right from wrong, lies from truths, and night from day!

I need the help and a direction to go in at this point. I do not want to get worse, I know how bad I can get and worst case how bad thing could turn into!! I am scared and truly have a fear of what is going on with me. OR am i completely 'normal'?