Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

bf showing jealousy and paranoia!

I know what I have to do but I'm having a very difficult time reassuring myself this is the right thing. I feel very badly about ending the relationship because I know we both do love each other but there are major deep-rooted issues that got in the way.

Well, here's the scenario:

Me: a couple yrs younger than him, large loving family, strong belief in God (used to anyways, not I'm the worst follower), finished with school and love my job, happy person overall, good sense of humor

him: parents separated at young age with his mom being the one leaving the home, no relationship with brothers for one reason or another, few acquaintances but no close friends, still in grad school, very dedicated and works very hard every day toward his goals, has great undergrad education (from very admirable institution), very loyal, very strong opinions about what he thinks is right and wrong (which i sometimes admired but other times disliked)

we cohabitated for a great part of the time we were together.

Dilemma: we started dating and moved with things too fast. i fell in love with him fast and hard. i admired him so much for having accomplished so much in spite of his background and lack of support from anyone. he pretty much has been on his own fighting for what he wanted. then when we met we dated a few months and then decided to move in together. looking back now i know it was a big mistake, we did it without giving it the thought and discussion it deserved. we did it to help us pay bills since at time we both were in school and spending time at each others place anyways. well slowly i stopped doing the things i liked doing. i used to play co-ed sports and thought he'd be supportive and encouraging and go watch me play but he never did, always gave me a reason why he didnt attend. then with certain words he would use i understood it bothered him i played co-ed sport so i stopped. another thing is that slowly he started wanting me to be with him only and all the time. it was very difficult for me to do things with friends bc it would turn into a big argument, he would never tell me it was bc of that but he'd start an argument about something else so we would fight and i'd end up not going. he would get annoyed by my family texting me and calling me. he told me i couldnt be there for them all the time. that when we had children he would not allow me to ignore them by being on the phone with my family. if they would text me late at night i would he would get very mad and i ended up telling everyone not to txt me after a certain time of the night. everytime i wanted to visit my family something stupid would become an argument so i'd leave the apt crying and in bad emotional shape then of course i couldnt hide from my family and he would accuse me of turning them against him. in the past 1.5 yrs he's become very jealous and the desire to control has become worse every time. i try to be the one to keep the peace because i dont want to disturb his studies bc he doesnt hesitate to tell me that i do when we fight and he needs to study. he blames me for ruining days of studying when he is the one that starts an argument. i know i shouldnt give in to his desire to argue but is very hard when someone is being cruel and verbally abusive is very tough to hold back. anything he wants to do or need helps with im there to help. ive done so much for him the way i've never done for anyone in my desire to see him succeed and create a great future for us. slowly i feel he's taken so much away from me, controlled me, i dont feel myself anymore, he questions my whereabouts while im at work. if he sends me a text and i dont reply immediately he flips out and has a jealous/paranoid attack accusing me of being with someone else when i dont reply to his texts. he sent me a text at work and i didnt reply immediately. the first message he sent he told me he wasnt feeling good. i was about to reply but then i got very busy and finally when i got back to my phone at the end of the day there were all these messages questioning me where i've been at during lunch and the afternoon accusing me of being dishonest and implying i was with someone else. so i decided to leave. i took my things and left the house we're buying together. he's been sending me messages telling me how much he loves me and cares about me and that he admits he made a mistake and he's very sorry to forgive him. im afraid to give him a chance because if there's no consequences for his actions/words he will continue to do and say what he wants and know i'll still be there. i just feel like im the one he takes things out on. he blames almost everything bad that happens on me. i knew this wouldnt be easy and was willing to be there for him and help him through school. i knew we wouldnt have a lot of free time to spend together doing other things and i was willing to make the sacrifice but he accuses me of things im not doing. i was at work doing what im supposed to while there and he had a jealousy attack. he told me he's going through a very hard time and is very stressed out and he was sorry he expressed it that way that he was only trying to reach out to me. im looking for another place to live at but is very difficult to think that i have a nice comfortable home and yet im looking for a new strange place to make my new home at. it really gets me bc i know i gave it all i had yet received no respect, kindness, and understanding in return. i have so many emotions and fears i dont know want to make the wrong decision for myself, im afraid of giving in to his explanations and declarations of love and desire to build a life together. any advice would be appreciated. im mature enought to take no sugar coated opinions. thanks.

sg
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