i'm 21. i started dating a guy (he's 25) about a year and a half ago and we "broke up" about six months ago but continued to spend everyday together (and have not seen other people except for one night he had drunken casual sex with one other girl - very hurtful to me, by the way, but trying to forgive him...) at times he acts like he's my boyfriend and refers to me to others as his gf and other times when it's convenient for him, he doesn't and reminds me that "we're not even together anymore!" or if i make him mad, "see, this is why i broke up with you!"
well, i'm two months pregnant now and he is trying to basically force me to have an abortion. i AM pro-choice, but personally don't want to have an abortion. i am not THAT young, i am emotionally mature, i am almost done with an associates degree (i know, it's not much, but better than nothing.) and i work part-time but i think i could easily find a full-time position.
he works odd jobs occasionally. i'd say he pulls in about 400 a month. i make about 600 a month, but like i said, could find a job with more hours. obviously, this isn't enough money to support ourselves, much less a child. we both still live with our parents. my parents are very poor though, and we might be getting evicted soon and being homeless with a baby would be pretty awful. i have some friends that would be willing to help, but that's uncertain and i would like a stable environment, of course.
he says he's not ready for a kid and isn't willing to look for a better job and feels like he has nothing to offer a child and therefore doesn't feel it is a responsible decision to bring a child into the world at this time. but i don't think it is a responsible decision to KILL a child, when i know that, somehow, i could manage.
now things get more complicated. like i said, we are technically broken up. he says if i choose to keep the baby he will "hate me forever" because it would be against his will. i said "well, i will hate myself forever if i do it, because i would feel too guilty." he said if i did get the abortion he would be there for me to help me emotionally, and even implied that we could get back together (he knows i'm dyyyying for this, because i love him with all my heart and want nothing more than to spend my life with him. he also hints that if i have this abortion now, that in the future he would consider a child once we're more stable, or have a healthier relationship. we do fight A LOT, but i think we're just overly emotional because of everything going on.) so he's kinda making me choose between keeping him and keeping the baby. but i feel like if he really loved me, he would be willing to make some sacrifices to support our baby. HE says that he does love me, and that he looking out for everyone's best interests - his, mine, and the baby (because apparently he thinks it would have a horrible life under my care...)
i really cherish our relationship, but am afraid he'd leave me whether i had an abortion or not, and then afterwards would feel guilty about, seeing as the only reason i want to have the abortion at all is to please him in hopes of keeping him in my life. (this seems illogical, right, i want an abortion if my man stays, and i want to keep the baby if he's leaving anyway. but do you understand my reasoning?)
basically if i chose to keep it, i would be on my own from the start to the finish with VERY little help. i have a lousy job and no place to stay. maybe my bf is right? i just feel like i COULD be a good mother. i don't know what to do... any comments?