hello. im 20.ever since i was a kid i
never had a really close friend. even at
school i used to stick out of the crowd,
as i was different from the rest in what i
liked, my way of thinking etc. most people
considered me as some kind of freak. and
most guys n no girl wud even talk to me.
being a person who doesnt talk much that
made it worse. ive been single all my
life. i spent all my time by my self. i
ended up thinking that the whole world was
like this and i wud probably have to live
alone for the rest of my life. but i met
this girl 1.5 years back. we got to know
each other and we realized we had a Lot in
common. she found my ideas n thoughts
interesting and i found hers interesting
too. we became great friends. we talk abt
almost everything under the sun. as we
dont get to meet each other directly a lot
most of our communication is via phone and
internet. we help each other when we have
bad times, share happy moments. when ever
we call each other we end up talking for
more than an hour. this girl means a lot
to me, but she happens to be my "friend".
i have never seriously liked any girl in
my life so far, but shes the 1st one. but
once she said that the best thing abt me
is that she can talk almost everything
under the sun and still keep it in a
friend level. does she have any feelings
for me? or is she just a friend? she
texts me regularly, starts a conversation
whenever im online etc. ive told her shes
the nicest person ive come across.ive told
her that she can tell me if theres some
prob bothering her, so that she doesnt get
depressed sitting alone. and she does this
too. but im too scared to confess that i
have developed feelings for her. im scared
itl ruin our friendship coz ive heard
other ppl losing their friends when they
confessed their feelings. is this too
early or shud i wait more? im ready if
shes interested and im ok if she just
wants to remain friends.i just want her to
be happy.
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robin30
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2008 Posts: 14
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Posted: 07-30-08 12:58pm
Hello.
I was once very close to a male friend of
mine. We did everything together. Hung
out all the time, texted all day long etc.
It was only after I had started a
romantic relationship with another man
that I realized he had feelings for me.
He ended up cutting off our friendship
entirely.
Now, I'm not sure what I would have said
or done if he had told me his feelings.
However I do believe strongly that if we
had spoken about it, our friendship may
not have been lost.
I say tell her. It may be the best thing
you have ever done.
Good luck with it all
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Beline
Supporter
Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 499 Location: , South Africa
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Posted: 07-30-08 14:34pm
This does not sound like a best friend. It
sounds like a soul mate. I think Robin is
right. Go ahead and tell her.
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SilentSpring
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 17 Location: ,
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Posted: 07-31-08 02:42am
yea it does sound like a "soul mate". im
just confused becase she said the best
thing about me is that she can talk
anything at all with me and still keep
it friend level. does this mean she just
wants to be friends. or is she not ready
for something serious at the moment...?
she happens to be the only person im
comfortable n enjoy talking to. she called
me and wished me during my last b'day and
she even reminded other friends of mine
abt my b'day. she checks up regularly when
im sick or something. its just that no
ones actually done anything like this for
me so far. and i dont want to lose her by
doing something stupid ...
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robin30
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Joined: 30 Jul 2008 Posts: 14
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Posted: 07-31-08 06:26am
One of the most important lessons I have
learned in life is that HONESTY can never
do you harm.
I really believe you should talk to her
about your feelings.
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SilentSpring
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 17 Location: ,
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Posted: 07-31-08 13:02pm
yes i know that but If she gets
upset (shes really sensitive) at me then
ill lose the Only good friend ive had in
20 years! should i just give it more time?
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wralior
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 5
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hi Posted: 07-31-08 13:17pm
I wld be a lil nervous too if i had to
fess up my feelings for sumone, maybe test
the water, ask around the topic and check
if she has any romantic interests in
anyone at the moment or ask sumthin to tht
effect, where wld she like to be with u in
a yr or down the road etc etc etc, will
give u a gud idea whether u shd go ahead
or not.
Gud luck
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wralior
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 5
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hi Posted: 07-31-08 13:18pm
I wld be a lil nervous too if i had to
fess up my feelings for sumone, maybe test
the water, ask around the topic and check
if she has any romantic interests in
anyone at the moment or ask sumthin to tht
effect, where wld she like to be with u in
a yr or down the road etc etc etc, will
give u a gud idea whether u shd go ahead
or not.
Gud luck
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wralior
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 5
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hi Posted: 07-31-08 13:19pm
I wld be a lil nervous too if i had to
fess up my feelings for sumone, maybe test
the water, ask around the topic and check
if she has any romantic interests in
anyone at the moment or ask sumthin to tht
effect, where wld she like to be with u in
a yr or down the road etc etc etc, will
give u a gud idea whether u shd go ahead
or not.
Gud luck
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wralior
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2008 Posts: 5
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Posted: 07-31-08 13:27pm
sorry didnt mean it to get posted soo many
times, my screen froze
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1160 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 18
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Posted: 07-31-08 14:57pm
I think honesty is your best bet here. A
true friendship will last through
anything. A true friend you can piss off
and have a disagreement with. You sound
like true friends to me.
I have been w/my hubby for 2 1/2 yrs now.
We were friends for 3 1/2 years before
that. We met in high school and clicked,
just like you two. There was always
something different about him. We fought,
we hung out. I was with other people and
so was he. I was into drugs at the time
and really wasnt ready to give myself to
anyone. He knew this and never tried to
push himself on me, but I always new that
he felt more for me. I just couldnt give
anything at the time. So we remained
friends and wrote each other while he was
in jail and while I was doing my thing.
But through all this that connection we
had stayed strong. It was a friendship
stronger than anything I ever had. One day
after we graduated and became responsible
adults I kissed him. I was ready for him.
It was like a light came on. And I
realized everything I wanted in man was
always in him. We have been together ever
since and are having a baby soon.
I guess when I look back on it he always
meant more to me than I let on, I didnt
even admit to myself. Now he told me that
if I had waited any longer he may not have
been around. he loved me for 3 years from
afar and he had given up on the hope of
ever being with me. I always knew that he
like me more than a friend, but I had no
idea that he loved me. I think if he would
have told me his true feelings it may have
been different.
So tell her when you think the time is
right. I knew when the time was right.
Maybe you will too. But remember that love
can be lost and you risk losing it if you
dont grab onto it. She may feel the same
and she may not. But you should tell her
how you feel about her. Dont pressure her
and dont try to make a move. Just be
honest and let her figure out the rest.
Like I said before a real friendship will
make it through. It may be akward and
reallu weird at first but if its meant to
be it will be
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Users who thank Rosie H for this post:
SilentSpring
Beline
Supporter
Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 499 Location: , South Africa
Thanks: 131
Thanked:150
Posted: 08-01-08 11:37am
Silent, I fully understand that you
don’t want to loose your only good
friend, but I was in a similar situation
as Rosie. I met this wonderful man (my
soul mate) and he just didn’t make any
moves, so I married someone else. The
marriage didn’t last and as soon as my
divorce was finalized he didn’t let the
grass grow under his feet. I wasn’t sure
whether to bash in his skull or marry him
on the spot. So many years was wasted
because he couldn’t find the courage to
ask me out.
So please don’t do this to yourself.
Tell her that you love her. If you’re
scared that you will loose her – send
her some flowers with a card that thanks
her for the fact that she has always been
there for you and assure her that you will
ALWAYS be there for her. Or throw in
another hint and test the waters first.
But try at least.
Good luck and keep us posted!
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SilentSpring
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 17 Location: ,
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Posted: 08-02-08 00:20am
so did u know that this guy had feelings
for u then???if u did how were u with him?
did u act like u just wanted to be friends
or did u give any hints that u might be
interested too? look the thing that
bothers me the most is that she said "the
best thing abt u is that i can talk
everything with u n still keep it friend
level" so maybe she indirectly wanted me
to knw that shes just interested in being
friends?
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Beline
Supporter
Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 499 Location: , South Africa
Thanks: 131
Thanked:150
Posted: 08-06-08 16:13pm
Oh no. I didn’t give him any hints
because I didn’t know that he liked me
in that way. I treated him the same as I
treated all my other male friends –
that’s why he thought I wasn’t
interested in something more. And I
treated him the same way as all my other
male friends because I didn’t want to
scare him off. I loved spending time with
him.
But you have to understand that girls have
some ‘pride issues’ too. It is still
the ‘unwritten rule’ that a guy should
ask out a girl and not vice versa. So I
basically just wanted to save face.
Maybe you should just hint in the
direction - you know, test the water?
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Sukki
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2008 Posts: 90
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Posted: 09-07-08 09:23am
u could tell her that u like her and if
she doesnt feel the same, she could always
pretend she didnt hear it and life resume
as normal.