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Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > bestfriend / girlfriend???
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Q: bestfriend / girlfriend???
asked by: SilentSpring on July 29th, 2008
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hello. im 20.ever since i was a kid i never had a really close friend. even at school i used to stick out of the crowd, as i was different from the rest in what i liked, my way of thinking etc. most people considered me as some kind of freak. and most guys n no girl wud even talk to me. being a person who doesnt talk much that made it worse. ive been single all my life. i spent all my time by my self. i ended up thinking that the whole world was like this and i wud probably have to live alone for the rest of my life. but i met this girl 1.5 years back. we got to know each other and we realized we had a Lot in common. she found my ideas n thoughts interesting and i found hers interesting too. we became great friends. we talk abt almost everything under the sun. as we dont get to meet each other directly a lot most of our communication is via phone and internet. we help each other when we have bad times, share happy moments. when ever we call each other we end up talking for more than an hour. this girl means a lot to me, but she happens to be my "friend". i have never seriously liked any girl in my life so far, but shes the 1st one. but once she said that the best thing abt me is that she can talk almost everything under the sun and still keep it in a friend level. does she have any feelings for me? or is she just a friend? she texts me regularly, starts a conversation whenever im online etc. ive told her shes the nicest person ive come across.ive told her that she can tell me if theres some prob bothering her, so that she doesnt get depressed sitting alone. and she does this too. but im too scared to confess that i have developed feelings for her. im scared itl ruin our friendship coz ive heard other ppl losing their friends when they confessed their feelings. is this too early or shud i wait more? im ready if shes interested and im ok if she just wants to remain friends.i just want her to be happy.
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robin30
replied on July 30th, 2008
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Hello.
I was once very close to a male friend of mine. We did everything together. Hung out all the time, texted all day long etc. It was only after I had started a romantic relationship with another man that I realized he had feelings for me. He ended up cutting off our friendship entirely.
Now, I'm not sure what I would have said or done if he had told me his feelings. However I do believe strongly that if we had spoken about it, our friendship may not have been lost.
I say tell her. It may be the best thing you have ever done.
Good luck with it all
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Beline
replied on July 30th, 2008
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This does not sound like a best friend. It sounds like a soul mate. I think Robin is right. Go ahead and tell her. Wink
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SilentSpring
replied on July 31st, 2008
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yea it does sound like a "soul mate". im just confused becase she said the best thing about me is that she can talk anything at all with me and still keep it friend level. does this mean she just wants to be friends. or is she not ready for something serious at the moment...? she happens to be the only person im comfortable n enjoy talking to. she called me and wished me during my last b'day and she even reminded other friends of mine abt my b'day. she checks up regularly when im sick or something. its just that no ones actually done anything like this for me so far. and i dont want to lose her by doing something stupid ...
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robin30
replied on July 31st, 2008
New User
One of the most important lessons I have learned in life is that HONESTY can never do you harm.
I really believe you should talk to her about your feelings.
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SilentSpring
replied on July 31st, 2008
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yes i know that Sad but If she gets upset (shes really sensitive) at me then ill lose the Only good friend ive had in 20 years! should i just give it more time?
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wralior
replied on July 31st, 2008
New User
hi
I wld be a lil nervous too if i had to fess up my feelings for sumone, maybe test the water, ask around the topic and check if she has any romantic interests in anyone at the moment or ask sumthin to tht effect, where wld she like to be with u in a yr or down the road etc etc etc, will give u a gud idea whether u shd go ahead or not.
Gud luck
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wralior
replied on July 31st, 2008
New User
hi
I wld be a lil nervous too if i had to fess up my feelings for sumone, maybe test the water, ask around the topic and check if she has any romantic interests in anyone at the moment or ask sumthin to tht effect, where wld she like to be with u in a yr or down the road etc etc etc, will give u a gud idea whether u shd go ahead or not.
Gud luck
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wralior
replied on July 31st, 2008
New User
hi
I wld be a lil nervous too if i had to fess up my feelings for sumone, maybe test the water, ask around the topic and check if she has any romantic interests in anyone at the moment or ask sumthin to tht effect, where wld she like to be with u in a yr or down the road etc etc etc, will give u a gud idea whether u shd go ahead or not.
Gud luck
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wralior
replied on July 31st, 2008
New User
sorry didnt mean it to get posted soo many times, my screen froze
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Rosie H
replied on July 31st, 2008
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I think honesty is your best bet here. A true friendship will last through anything. A true friend you can piss off and have a disagreement with. You sound like true friends to me.

I have been w/my hubby for 2 1/2 yrs now. We were friends for 3 1/2 years before that. We met in high school and clicked, just like you two. There was always something different about him. We fought, we hung out. I was with other people and so was he. I was into drugs at the time and really wasnt ready to give myself to anyone. He knew this and never tried to push himself on me, but I always new that he felt more for me. I just couldnt give anything at the time. So we remained friends and wrote each other while he was in jail and while I was doing my thing. But through all this that connection we had stayed strong. It was a friendship stronger than anything I ever had. One day after we graduated and became responsible adults I kissed him. I was ready for him. It was like a light came on. And I realized everything I wanted in man was always in him. We have been together ever since and are having a baby soon.

I guess when I look back on it he always meant more to me than I let on, I didnt even admit to myself. Now he told me that if I had waited any longer he may not have been around. he loved me for 3 years from afar and he had given up on the hope of ever being with me. I always knew that he like me more than a friend, but I had no idea that he loved me. I think if he would have told me his true feelings it may have been different.

So tell her when you think the time is right. I knew when the time was right. Maybe you will too. But remember that love can be lost and you risk losing it if you dont grab onto it. She may feel the same and she may not. But you should tell her how you feel about her. Dont pressure her and dont try to make a move. Just be honest and let her figure out the rest. Like I said before a real friendship will make it through. It may be akward and reallu weird at first but if its meant to be it will be
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Users who thank Rosie H for this post: SilentSpring 
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Beline
replied on August 1st, 2008
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Silent, I fully understand that you don’t want to loose your only good friend, but I was in a similar situation as Rosie. I met this wonderful man (my soul mate) and he just didn’t make any moves, so I married someone else. The marriage didn’t last and as soon as my divorce was finalized he didn’t let the grass grow under his feet. I wasn’t sure whether to bash in his skull or marry him on the spot. So many years was wasted because he couldn’t find the courage to ask me out.

So please don’t do this to yourself. Tell her that you love her. If you’re scared that you will loose her – send her some flowers with a card that thanks her for the fact that she has always been there for you and assure her that you will ALWAYS be there for her. Or throw in another hint and test the waters first. But try at least.

Good luck and keep us posted!
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SilentSpring
replied on August 2nd, 2008
New User
so did u know that this guy had feelings for u then???if u did how were u with him? did u act like u just wanted to be friends or did u give any hints that u might be interested too? look the thing that bothers me the most is that she said "the best thing abt u is that i can talk everything with u n still keep it friend level" so maybe she indirectly wanted me to knw that shes just interested in being friends?
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Beline
replied on August 6th, 2008
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Oh no. I didn’t give him any hints because I didn’t know that he liked me in that way. I treated him the same as I treated all my other male friends – that’s why he thought I wasn’t interested in something more. And I treated him the same way as all my other male friends because I didn’t want to scare him off. I loved spending time with him.

But you have to understand that girls have some ‘pride issues’ too. It is still the ‘unwritten rule’ that a guy should ask out a girl and not vice versa. So I basically just wanted to save face.

Maybe you should just hint in the direction - you know, test the water?
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Sukki
replied on September 7th, 2008
Experienced User
u could tell her that u like her and if she doesnt feel the same, she could always pretend she didnt hear it and life resume as normal.
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