Hi Annie,

I think it's ok to still want to be a kid at 18. Young people are just growing up too fast these days. Since John and you have been such good friends your communication should be very open. I would let him know that you like him, want to go out with him, be a good friend to him, but you need to take things a little slower. Let him know that the forever talk is frightening you because you're not ready to take that step yet. I think he will understand...

me 'n'my best friend made about 10yrs but nothing lasts forever-if it feels good now you dont have to think about forever-it may happen, if it doesnt then be honest and explain. Dont think that the return to being best friends works though-someone is always the injured party.
its also really hard to pick up strains of previous life- especially when everyone you know just assumes you're a couple......still.

You already told John that you don't have feelings for him that way in the beginning, and he did kind of convince you to go out with him...so you just have to reiterate what you said in before... That you care for him as a friend, but that you are both young, and need to experience alot more life before deciding who you are going to grow old with. He knew what he was getting into from the getgo, so he shouldn't be all that surprised. Plus, I am sure you are throwing off vibes that you only care for him as a friend, and he knows this, however hopeful he wants to be. So it's really not that big a deal. If he gets his feelings hurt, then it's not your fault, as you told him how you felt when you started the relationship. He'll get over it. We all do.

Hey Raven, good advice, but men don't pick up vibes. They aren't vibey. They don't have the vibing gene like women do. They are in fact vibeproof. They try God bless em! Remember all that stupid stuff men thought was important to you? or all the really confusing gifts you've gotten from men who liked you? All the time you had to fight with a man over some stupid misunderstanding? Yeah that was them "picking up your vibe". If there's something that's important to tell a man like "I think you're going to hurt yourself if you keep investing in me romantically" you absolutely cannot vibe it to him. You have to sit him down, command his full attention and speak in clear english.

Confuseds
You're kind of on the hook to take care of your friend because you caved in and took him on romantically. Start by admitting to yourself that he wasn't happy as your friend or he would never taken a chance approaching you romantically. If your friendship doesn't survive this it wasn't because you ruined anything.

If you have doubts breaking up. Realize that you may momentarilly forget about this urge to find out more about love and relationships as time goes on but nothing will make it go away entirely and there's a very strong likelyhood that you'll quickly come to resent your friend for "trapping you" in a relationship and denying you the chance to explore other relationships. Healthy fullfilling relationships have been started on flimsyer origins but what you're describing isn't a foundation for a relationship of love or respect. Especially at your age, if you're not head over heels you need to break things off. It would have been bad to keep this guy in your friend-zone when he clearly has romantic intents but it's much worse to stay in a relationship with him out of guilt, not returning the love he feels for you.

And as a side note, if he's around your age he really needs to retool his thinking. 18 year old boys should not thinking about their retirement with you. They should be thinking about what to do next friday. He should be stressing about how to build stability in the relationship to make it into the Golden Years with you.

you have to tell him how you feel and specify what you want. if you dont this guy is going to drive you crazy!
you just got out of a relationship so it is a normal feeling of not wanting to jump back into a full blow relationship.
i dont think your confused, you know actually what you want. you want him to chill out for a while, so you can breath.
this was inedible because he had the hots for you in the beginning.

Hey WOLF! Sorry to disagree with you, bu are you really going to tell me a guy is so dumb, he can't tell when a woman doesn't care for him? I find that hard to believe. If she isn't falling all over him gushing and being huggy kissy, she's not that into him. As to the other "vibey" things you mentioned, I don't know...my husband is pretty savy to what I want and what I say, and so were all my other boyfriends. Guess I gave off GOOD vibes, or they were pretty smart guys!

She needs to just end this, and let the cards fall where they may. He knew what he was getting into...she will resent him and the friendship will fall apart if this continues. They are young, this will be a memory next month!

Hey Raven. Yes, guys are barely functioning idiots compared to women. Or more that they have a completely different communication style. I'm sure there are more than enough exceptions to the rules. I had a boyfriend who could read me like a book. Either he listenned to things I didn't think I mentioned or he was the great Karnack. When it came to figuring out when I was turned on or lonely or even figuring out what kind of chocolate I like he was right. Most men I've dated can guess right enough to impress me. Still when I couldn't take him any more somehow his psychic powers failed him and I had to spell things out very plainly again and again. Men have a hard enough time hearing you when you speak plainly about what they aren't ready to hear. When it comes to things that are important to you, dropping a hint absolutely doesn't cut it. Hinting doesn't constitute communicating by a longshot. You cannot hold someone accountable for a failure in the relationship if they didn't play your guessing game right, no matter how intuitive they may be.

I totally agree though. You can't keep this going Annie. I think sitting down and clearly explaining where you're coming from will do a lot to hold onto his friendship. And even if he's too hurt to be around you after a few months without your friendship he may come around again.

You know, now that I am older, I look at some of these posts with a smile, because what seems like such an urgent, tragic problem to some of these kids, will all be forgotten in a few months, and on to the next soap opera. If only we could make them believe how trivial some of this stuff is, that it's part of the game of life, and this too shall pass. Living a long life is the best revenge for all of life's little trials... you get to see that we ALL had to go through these stages to get to be the people we are today. Some things make you stronger...some, more guarded, but all are good life lessons to prepare the young for the harder parts of life to come..

this is Annie, thank you for all of your advice...i do realise this is a trivial matter, and althought i seem young in years i've been through enough deaths, sickness, violence, and well just stupid situations for a life time, wheather vibes or just sayin it to him, right now im left with an 18 year old lad who honestly believes hes in love, and has just got hes heart broken...its like dealing with an extremely hurt child, how is one meant to act in this situation?...for the simple reason hes being my best friend for years makes it alittle harder just not to care...

You can let him know you care, but you can't help what you can't feel for him. The attraction romantically is just not there. He'll have to learn to deal with it and move on, and he will in time. If he values your friendship, he will come around in time. For now, he probably has to take time to grieve the loss of what he was wishing for. I do feel for him, but as I say, all these things pass in time. He'll find someone special when the time is right for him, and so will you.

When a man is heartbroken he desperately wants to know what went wrong. He needs information to act on to fix the situation or avoid it in the future. He needs to know that you weren't completely into him at the start and that you gave it a chance because you care so much about him but that the attraction didn't come.

The bulk of the healing of a failed relationship is usually tackled the first weekend afterwards. He gets togather with friends, gets support, maybe does something self destructive and begins his healing.

The slick move for dealing with the pain is to offer him as much room as he needs and if he doesn't tell you he can't deal with this without you let him on his own. Men are very good at processing problems, they find the support they need. He'll contact you if he needs help. Otherwise tread carefully when you come back togather. Avoid reminders of the relationship or romantic situations for a bit until you get him back into friendship mode.