My friend recently had a fight with her husband of 9 years. It came out that she had a one-night stand 5 years ago. They currently have a 2 year old and she's 5 months pregnant. They argued, and he hit her. He stayed with his parents for a few days, but would text her horrible things "I hate you, I want a divorce, I hope you die", etc. When he would come home, he would tell her what a horrible person she was. Then, a week later, everything is fine. They say now that everything in great and the fight is over. I don't know what to say. I don't want her to stay with a physically and abusive husband, but, as she assured me, "he's sorry". How can I help her?
Thank you for being there for your friend and caring enough to reach out for help for her. You can help her by getting a copy of all the text messages and any other proof that he is abusing her (they will come in handy when you go with her to the District Attorney Office). This man is clearly an abuser and he resent her unfaithfulness during the marriage. Instead of going to a marriage counselor and forgiving her, he is chosing to "stew" in his deep resentment of her actions and punish her by being physically and verabally abusive. she should take him at his word and believe him when he says, he hates her and hope she dies. If things don't change and soon, his hope could very well become a reality, so as that of the child she is carrying.
Please take all the evidence you can gather and save it. Trust me, things are NOT great and the fight will never be over until the husband gets therapy. The information he has of his wife infidility is like a thorn in his side, it will resurface over and over and over again until it is released with professional help. If she keeps listening to him telling her what a horrible person she is, this will erode her self esteem,affect her being a mother to her 2 year old and the unborn child. Please contiue to be there for your friend, at this time, her judgement is impaired by the abusive person she loves and the children she has with him. Tell her to save a little money each payday from his income....I think she is going to need it. If her husband doesn't get professional help, this relationship is only going to get worse, and the children will be greatly affected. Sometimes, it is better to leave early, go through the pain, than to leave later when the children develope psychological affect for life.
P.S. You are the kind of best friend every woman needs. Thanks for all you do. Stay strong and courageous but don't go it alone...there is support out there for both of you.