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Being with an older man - is this so wrong?

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I have to ask you girls and women out there about this as it is making me insane with stress and anxiety.

I was fifteen at the time and obviously at school. I had played around with boys my own age at parties and found the whole idea of physical relationships so repulsive and disgusting, with these lads rubbing their worm-like, immature parts over me and running off to boast to their friends about it. I am quite a serious girl and decided to leave the whole 'boy' thing alone until a new male sports teacher came to my school. He was about 20 years older than me and was incredibly good looking and had been an international rugby player so had the most beautiful body. I was very drawn to him but to be honest it was much more than just his looks, I just couldn't sleep or get through a day without wanting to be near him and somehow wanted to be 'his'.Some of my friends had found a small vent in the staff changing room and we could see him in there. They would giggle and be really crude and I found it really horrible so I once again withdrew from anything to do with this kind of chat. For about a year, I developed the most intense feelings and eventually (I cannot believe I did this)I crept into the changing rooms while he was in the shower and waited until he came out. He nearly fell over with shock and embarrassment when he came out and told me to get out. I just couldn't. I was glued to the spot and told him I was crazy about him. He covered himself up and sat down and explained how we would get into huge trouble, especially him and I just had a crush and to go away and think about it. I did leave but told him I wouldn't change. I just felt so deeply for him in every way. I left it a week and knew where he lived. I went to his house, trembling. He sat me down outside and we chatted for several hours about how this would look and that it couldn't happen. I spoke about how I wanted him so much. He took me inside and constantly asked how I felt when he touched me, kissed me and held me. I have never felt so right with someone. He took everything so slowly and told me what he would do and told me to say whatever I felt, if I wanted him to stop or go on. I have never had such a beautiful experience since. He gave me 3 incredible climaxes and as he wrapped himself around my body I cried with intense tears and I can still feel how special and above all respected I had been treated. So different from the ugly episodes of previous little boys. I am now at University and one evening told a friend about it. She turned from happy, relaxed girlfriend to angry and a fighter. She told me how terrible this was and I was in denial to think it had been good and he had completely exploited me in his position of power. I argued that in fact it had been me who was the pursuer, stalker even, and it had been so wonderful but she knows this teacher and is threatening to rake over the past and report it to the Board of Education. I am terrified and don't know what to do. He was so caring, was single and it was consensual. I know I was young but I was ready. Is this disgusting and wrong?
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replied August 11th, 2010
This is not disgusting or wrong. But it is not my area of expertese.Nor do I see any real question.
Andrew Rynne.


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