Being bipolar and hurting your self

I have always had lots of problems with cutting. Since I was about twelve. Its been 18 years and I still make sure to carry a knife with me everywhere I go "just in case". I almost use it as a safety blanket anymore, I haven't actually cut in a few months. Although, the way I've been the last week or so, it's almost all I can think about right now....

absolutely my dear, that's what i used to do when i was down. it used to be cutting and burning.i used to think it was just sadness, and i felt guilty for things which would be negligible to an ordinary person, but to me it was magnified.
i still get cuttings pangs, i would so badly want to do it. im out of it for almost 2 years as of now. i was doing it continuously for some 4 years...
my hands and legs looks ridiculous... disgustingly sad, it shocks people. and i still feel ashamed of it at times, and at the same time, its a reminder for me not to do it, and all that i went through doing it.
as quiteaix says, i used to carry a cutting device with me. i feels so horrible now.
its took and is taking a great deal of effort to not do it. and if you are doing it allernothing, please get some help, later in life its might get worse, and you are just going to feel really horrible.

and to to QuiteAlX, please seek help, please don't cut yourself... its no way going to help, i understand the whole feeling, please please seek help. thanks you very much.