now that i think about it i also have another question
what is with antiphycotics and the way they make things much worse at first
my experiences are
headache type things like before and during getting spaced out just before you loose it
voices get worse (not sure what they are i never commit them to memory)
pupils undialate (Ive had experiences of my eyes getting larger in the light?)
does anyone else have views on this maybe its because ive had lots of different medications and they all seem to make things pretty dam trippy

and yes i do partake in recreational drug use but dont hold that against me i only seek help when there is no other choice i put as little pressure on the nhs as possible non of this is new to me its been happening since i hit my teens albeit for short durations (before drug use)

if you dont mind me asking. do you have any kind of relationship with God. whatever you may think God is.

i move from notion to notion
outside influence is a b*tch
im atheist converting the weak is amusing tbh
but i do believe in infinite

converting the weak? what do you mean by that?


believing in the infinite is good way to look at it

well add a little logic to it and they fall
going in to the desert
migration
the largest migration in human history?
mana from the sky
no your not gonna die
yeah please ignore that i cba rewording it
..yeah i do sound like a pretentious d*ck so i will go into that a bit more theres so many options and they all make good points i don't even know my point anymore its confusing it can be capitalized off..without outside influence..
yeah i cant say what i wanna really say so just take a stab at it

yes but didnt going to the desert help them eventually?
whether they were weak or not.

..

ok when you say outside influence are you referring to what I might think is God?

nah its just mentally draining ide much rather be doing something for personal gain im not into it so your not gonna get a good reply
..but yeah keeping focus i see no reason why our creator has to be all knowing
ants to humans and so on its just ridiculous to think of something as all knowing things advance a few decades ago are now childs play and why would that cycle be broken for all we know we are nothing but the spawn of a child humans are as basic as they come think of the possibility when it comes to brain size oxygen content and temperament..imagine a intelligent society of creatures who did not live in packs who did not need to look up to something bigger if you think your really that special with your bible forgiving ruler and easy answers what are you

hey I am a human just like you. and im trying to figure stuff out just like you. so questioning if there is something bigger, more intelligent and wiser then me is a very good conclusion. at least to me.

that's fair but surely it should be a personal journey and not something that can be given or bought that would take the fun out of it and defeat the purpose but i can respect that

I believe in a god but not in the word of man which is religion - bought and sold and fought in wars. Each man finds god in his own way. I think the truth is hidden - a little in each holy book but the true word of god is inside of our minds waiting to be heard if only we could get past all the other stuff.

In finding my god I found Lucifer and that all that preceded in one called Yahweh was a lie but that's my story and I expect no other to believe.

How did you find your god, lucifer? I am very curious about that.

well god is all very intresting but what about your dreams and how they affect you i find i have odd dreams these days
last night for example i was fighting a group of chavs on a bridge when one plunged his fist into my chest and kept pushing the pain felt very real
and another just last night where it was just a lot of disfigured zombie like corpses walking around me and pushing up against my field of vision staring at me.
and the more trippy stuff like waking up over and over and over again and when i did wake up i wasnt sure if i was really awake all i knew was my brother was there with a cheeseburger but they don't seem to mind when i behave oddly these days theyve got used to it although they know very little about my condition just my episodes

meeee, sometimes we mistaken our own thoughts for voices. When we have a lot on our mind and we try to make reason with life we get what is called "racing thoughts". I believe our dreams do mean something. I have noticed that more dreams and nightmares come along with the anti-psychotic medications and mood stabalizers. I'm a strong believer that our dreams are sometimes trying to warn us or tell us something in a round about way. I can tell from your post that you are a very intelligent individual. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

that might have been true of me in the past but im not sure how it worked but the voices became less prominent in my life and delusion became uncontrollable its just a matter of keeping it hidden and as for pressure the worst pressure i have experienced are at the hand of the mental health professionals paid to give false reassurance and pass off invasion of ones rights as genuine concern pushing you into corners and telling you horror stories i don't know how long ive got to live until im trapped in my own world so im sure as hell gonna enjoy it several childhood friends went down the same path but im not that far gone yet just for the fear of my illness
and as for intelligent i would say im average another of my childhood freinds who also looses contact with reality although not psychotic(he goes into a state of unknowing e.g. who where what why and is happy) could zero in on your insecurity like a lazer and reduce you to tears in a few words
im happy as i am and even when im not there's no reason for me not to work through it i don't need kind words from a stranger any pressure exurted on me is external or dellusion so thanks anyway ^^

He was there inside me all the time just waiting to be found.

I went through something called "Kundalini" which is a kind of spiritual awakening. A spiritual counsellor at the time told me to try treating the world inside my head as the real world and the external world as the b/s world for a little while - and there was this voice - different - lucid - rational and he wanted to help me.

You see the name Lucifer means "light bearer" and I kept seeing this brilliant white light and .... oh well - enough said or too much already.

I think sometimes some things are just meant to be.

Enough of me anyway this is someone else's topic.

umm
right
well this is being about being psychotic not whatever your claiming to be so yeah..off topic was right im looking for someone in my shoes your just not it
and yeah apolageze for the rants just mood *explicitly deleted*..not aimed at you non psychotic spiritual nut type person
and why cant i delete my old posts ide rather not be in an archive forever.

right completely disregarding everything Ive said in the past i would like this taken down it provides a distorted image of who i am and i just don't need it.
i would rather it not be here i shouldn't have to ask for this permission like on a normal forum but it seems here i do. and thanks for changing the name of the post it has nothing to do with what i was saying
and no i dont want help support or to talk about god im here to talk about the medication the side effects and how trippy it can all be and regarding my original post battleing yeah it is a battle when your psychotic you gotta keep fighting what your brain can tell you and certain ways of thinking
what you dont do is refuse medication when you get deranged and appcept it but that does not mean it does not have its upsides...