Hello, I will have been with my girlfriend for 5 years in a few weeks,about 2 years ago we had a bad few months where we fought alot and i cought her kissing a guy who she said was just a friend. I forgave her and we worked past it and things have been going really well since then. Last thursday she went to a friends house and said they were just going to watch some movies for just a girls night, so i didnt think anything of it. It got to be about midnight and i never heard from her all day so i got worried, i never heard from her until 830am the next day when she sent me a text "im home, love you" i was really angry so i called her, when we talked she was acting really quiet and strange, turns out she got super drunk cause her friend had a party and thats why she didnt call, i was really upset because it was supposed to be just her and her friend and they were drinking with a bunch of guys. she never drinks and i didnt understand why she would do this. later that day she told me that when she was drunk she kissed a guy and my heart just sunk, i was so upset and confused. We were talking about getting married and moving in together and i even bought her a ring to suprise her on christmas and then she went and did something like this and just ruined it. she came over today so we could talk and i just felt sick looking at her. When she kissed that guy 2 years ago i got over it easier cause things were bad then in the relationship and it didnt hit me as hard, but this time it hit super hard because of the plans we were making for our life together and things were going perfect and this was outta nowhere.I think to my self if she can cheat on me when things are going well what will stop her from doing it again? both times she said it was only kissing but deep in my soul its hard for me to believe that and it hurts me so bad. She is very closed in and hard to understand what shes thinking sometimes and why she does things, im very open and like to talk so its hard for me to deal with that, leaving me with no clue what to do now. I have a rare disease know as morgellons disease and i am on disability, and sometimes i think i put up with more than i would normally if my life wasnt so hard because she stays with me even know my health isnt good and i dont have alot of money. I try my best to treat her well and show her love but i always end up getting hurt and its hard for me to leave cause i love her very much and and dont want to lose her but i feel so betrayed again. Im just so confused on what to do and if i can ever really trust her anymore. Thanks so much for listening, im just looking for some help to deal with this pain.
Well, as a girl and someone who has been in her position, the best advice I can give you is to end things now while you still can. I understand you wanting to make a life with her, but is that really the kind of life that you want to live?? Knowing that she has done this twice and always having the thought in the back of your mind that she might do it again. Reading how she went for a girls night out that turned into a party makes me think that she is probably either already cheating (more than a kiss) or she is thinking about it. I have never been on a girls night out that turned into a party without prior notice. I hate to say it, but you were lied to. I have been in her situation too and I have also told a boyfriend that I was hanging out with a girlfriend so I could see another guy.
The disease you have should not make a difference in this situation. I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone, someone who loves you for who are are and not how much money you have. You just have to leave your current situation or you will never find the one that you were meant to be with. This girl very obviously isn't that person. A true "soul mate" wouldn't cause you pain, but yet give you nothing but happiness.
I really hate to say it to you, but get out! Run! You will end up getting hurt even worse in the end and a marriage cannot work if only one person is giving to make it work. Hope this helps!
Thank you for the reply, this situation is really eating me up inside.She has been crying to me for days saying how sorry she is and its making my ability to think clear even harder. Shes been trying to say im not romantic enough and dont show her that i love her and thats why she got drunk and that that guy walked up to her and kissed her.She has alot of issues with men from past abuse from family and ex boyfriends and im a very compassionate person and i think that makes it hard for me not to feel bad for her when shes down, but what kills me is she runs herself into a hole of depression and im the one who gets hurt, so im torn between compassion and forgivness or i cant be hurt anymore what am i doing. Its such a hard choice to make because i really dont have anyone but her but i feel so low on myself because of my situation it almost like ill take what she says and make it my fault that shes cheated lol kinda crazy aye.With my health problems i get afraid that i may die or have something really bad happen to me and have noone there.i just wish i could find the strenght because your right, she obviously lied to me about the party and i dont think after a second time ill ever trust her again. The 1st guy she cheated on me with was almost 2 years ago and it was in her car where i cought them, and after all this time when i ride in her car to go somewhere i still think about it and have never fully trusted her since. you gave me alot to think about and it helped, thank you very much
Your welcome. I think the best thing you can do right now is take some time for yourself, sit back, and try to decide what is best for you. I hope everything works out for you. I have been there and trust me from where I was to where I am at I can honestly say that moving on hurts, but it gets so much better.
Do yourself a good turn and put the ring you bought on a shelf for about 5 years. If you're willing to roll over and accept her cheating on you, lying to you and blaming you for it you absolutely are not prepared to be a responsible partner in someone's life. You need to set reasonable healthy boundaries with your partner and communicate them clearly. This girl doesn't know what the limits are so she keeps pushing until she breaks you.
Additionally, you don't want to hear this but this girl isn't prepared for a lifetime commitment or even dating seriously. She's still figuring out who she is and trying to process the chaos from her childhood. She cannot respect you or provide stability in your relationship. She needs to be left single until she's capable of being a better partner.
I am sorry for your pain, thank you for writing to us.
Before you do anything have a long, deep heart to heart with this young lady just as you are telling us how you feel, tell her in person over a nice dinner or a nice long walk. Tell her exactly how you feel but dont't tell her about the ring...not just yet. Set the rules and conditions and if she can't abide by them, she isn't the one.