I've got meditation, exercise, freehand drawing, blogging, facebook, foot spas, facials, girlfriends.. I'm in recovery right now from severe trauma. I was gang raped. So getting involved in a serious relationship is so scary that I get 'obsessed'. We've figured 'that' out on this site with the team members contributing to my well being. I love you guys! You are such a huge help. The fact is I have to drop my obsessions and that will make things easier according to you guys. So meditation is the new thing I'm trying out. It's hard but apparently if I just focus on my breaths- because a 'breath' is 'life', then meditation is easy. But seriously what is up with people who think they have magical powers? is that for real? I'm not sure if I should listen to that guy, he says that I should meditate. But really I should do anything but obsess right? Oh man.

I guess I obsess so every time I get serious with a guy I get dumped after three months. The man I'm involved with now has only had one girl and he had her for eight years so that gave me confidence until I got obsessed. Now I'm afraid of myself and what I did. Either he digs me or he doesn't right. But talking to him is not an option any more. I can't send him messages, can I? What about an explanation? I always get a response from him when I explain. But that is the wrong type of attention if he's going to come to me he'll come to me. Gawd this is hard. I wish I was not so afraid of getting my feelings hurt. But I also wish I was super busy and had a life like he does you know. For him it's always out doing field work and exercise and business. Being a pack leader for his four dogs. Training and grooming his horses. He says he's just so busy and there is nothing wrong with me. I've always been impatient since I can remember. But when he says he's busy is that BS? Or is he really busy? Or is he uninterested? Come on guys I am so scared of rejection. He knows it. You know it. I know it.

Thanks for the coaching I hope for a reply. Adios amoebas.