Joined: 14 Nov 2006 Posts: 1912 Location: Boise, Idaho,
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Bad Mommy Posted: 09-21-07 13:12pm
This is going to sound so horrible. I feel
more connected to my lil' one than I did
with Nathan at this age. Nathan really
didn't make a lot of eye contact with me.
He really didn't seem to care who was
holding him. He was interested in the
world around him more than people. He was
dx with Autism at age two by three
different professionals. He even had
symptoms at age 3 months due to the lack
of eye contact. He really didn't want
anything to do with people until he was
around three. He has since been undx
because all of his symptoms miraculously
went away. He is very social now.
Brian makes so much eye contact it's so
precious (and completely normal). I see
what I didn't have with Nathan and feel
guilty that I feel more connected with
Brian. It is very hard for me to be away
from Brian when I am at work for just two
days a week. With Nathan, I didn't really
have that hard of time. I just can't
explain it. It must be the eye contact.
Brian smiles at me a lot and coos at me.
Nathan never did. He rarely babbled when
he got older.
So, that's that. I feel like such a bad
mommy for feeling this way.
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Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1486 Location: , Georgia USA
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Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*godmother Posted: 09-21-07 13:25pm
NO< you are a wonderful
Mother........You feel differently because
this is a completely different child.
Thats the reason you aren't suppose to
COMPARE children...well so and so crawled
at this age, or this baby got teeth at
this age or this child smiles and
interacts differently....of course they
do. All babies have dferent personalities
and those personalities make them UNIQUE.
So you feel closer and different with
Brian, could also be because of the trauma
you went though with him before he could
make it home from the hospital. Where as
Nathan, the little man with the
personality,will be outgoing and won't be
as "needy". Doesnt' make you a bad
Mommy.............You love both of them
but in a different way.... Its natual
because they are two different boys.
Please throw guilt out the window..... and
stop beating yourself up about this.You
have a wonderful family.....I am older and
much wiser! I am your Fairy*Godmother!
HUGS!
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005 Posts: 5261 Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
Posted: 09-21-07 16:14pm
My mother told me once that she always
felt closer to me than both my brother and
sister. I think it's normal. She said
the same thing that Fairy*Godmother said,
that all children are different and
because of that you love them differently.
I don't think it makes you a bad mother,
just a normal one.
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Bridget
Supporter
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10821 Location: ,
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Re: Bad Mommy Posted: 09-21-07 18:11pm
ladylee70
wrote:
I feel more connected to my
lil' one than I did with Nathan at this
age.
i think this is the key phrase. you have a
wonderful bond with nathan now, right?
circumstances are different, so based on
how nathan was as a baby and how brian is
now, it's probably only natural to feel
more connected with brian now.
you are a fantastic mother!
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sillyakchick
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Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2690
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Posted: 09-26-07 12:41pm
I felt completely differently with Geneva
as an infant than I did with hannah. I
was kind of indifferent with Hannah
because she, too did not want to be close
and held all the time, and when she did,
we didn;t have those long "love ins" that
Geneva and I had when she was an infant.
Now, Hannah has worked her way into my
heart and I do feel much more "bonded" to
her than I did at first. She's almost 16
months old and I am just now starting to
feel toward her what i tyhink I should
have felt when she was a newborn. Each
child is different, I guess. You know
that you love Nathan as much as you love
Brian, and you know deep in your heart
that you are a great mom. I think some
kids are harder to get to know sometimes,
based on their individual temperaments.
Please don't feel bad about yourself. You
love your boys equally. I am sure there
will be times down the road when I am
closer to one of my girls than the other,
based on what's going on and how they are
behaving and developing.
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posted: 09-26-07 13:22pm
You are NOT a bad mommy! Like everyone
has said, You can't compare your children
or your feelings for either one. You love
them both differently. I know what you
mean because my son hugs, giggles, smiles
and is so loving, yet my daughter is more
reserved and serious. I love them both so
much and have a different relationship
with each one. I once felt like you did,
but then it occurred to me that I didn't
love one more than the other, but I love
them for the individual quirks and
personalities. It's harder with my
daughter to get a hug, but sometimes it
just comes out of the blue. It's an effort
and it's worth it. But sometimes with my
son, it felt like I loved him more because
he was sooooo easy to please and get hugs
or smiles from. But the truth is, they
hold a equal and separate special place in
my heart.
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6225 Location: London, England
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Posted: 09-26-07 14:31pm
i connected with logan much better when he
was newborn than layla at his age
