Bad first sexual relationship

My sexual experiences with my first girlfriend, started at a party where I was drunk, and managed to make out with her. I don’t remember what happened, but all of a sudden we were making out hardcore, and then we went upstairs. We got naked and I didn’t have a condom, so we fooled around, I fingered her, she jerked me off, I didn’t orgasm.

I stuck around the next day because I’d never had a girlfriend, I felt pretty good that I’d made it this far with a girl so I decided to keep her. Although in the morning when I saw her I thought to myself “I could do better”

After this every time she jerked me off it would hurt usually. I’m circumsized, and parts of the head seem kind of like dry skin so maybe something is wrong physically. Either way, most of the sexual experiences we had were me fingering her or giving her head, then her jerking me off, then I would go to the washroom, killing the mood. That feeling was probably an orgasm on its way.

One time we were both heavy making out and humping each other. And this song was on, and she was singing to it, “take me here, as I am, or have nothing at all”, I didn’t go all the way with her that night.

i learned a lot about how loose of a girl she was... the first dance i went to after we hooked up she was grinding all over some other guy. never being in a relationship before i thought this was how girls were. she told me about how horny she was in high school, and i didn't think girls were like that the way guys were. i hung out with her ex boyfriend quite a lot, some times (this was university residence) i'd head over to her place and she'd be with her ex. i was really confused. eventually i found out that she cheated on her boyfriend with me, but i didn't know this til the end. i thought those text messages was just an ex boyfriend still thinking about her.

i remember one time she talked about how much she missed this old boyfriend of hers.

Eventually when we did have sex, I woke up and started playing with her vagina and kissing her, then we got naked, and I tried putting my penis in her vagina but I couldn’t find the hole, so I decided to ride her doggystyle. I wasn’t even that horny, and it didn’t feel like anything.

Eventually after my penis slipped out she said “sometimes it closes up” and I was like ok, then we started making out a little. She said “you were hitting my uterus” and I said, “well hello hello” which made no ******* sense. Then as I held her and was kissing her I saw a single tear roll down her cheek.

I don’t really want to have sex anymore.

i honestly could go abstinent and it wouldn't bother me, hell i've been doing it sense this one, last time. if i ever masturbate it's not because i was horny or wanted to, it's just because it was something to do.

do you think it would be healthier if i talked to a professional about this?

i think that if i was more sexually active or tried to build a meaning relationship, it might switch things around. but honestly my first time was just so bad i don't have any real motivation.