Hiya, I know how wrong that sounds btw 'Baby or study'. Thanks for reading this anyway, Im 17 years old and 18 in April, I am in a long term loving relationship with a 21 year old 'man' (Boy) who is on sick atm, he has got a job but he cant go back for a long time as he has a heart problem, but it is welcome to him when he is better. But it is not the best paying job in the world, but better than low wage. Anyway, Im currently studing my childcare level 3, its a 2 year course and im on my first year, I have Dyspraxia and find it difficult to cope at college. I dont want to be took down a level (to level 2). I am really stressed out atm but I really want to do this to become a child physocolgist (sorry about spelling, not my strongest point) but I really want a baby, Like more than anything in this world. Like something you want that bad you almost need it, well ive previously had 2 miscarriages with the same boyfriend. One was a bought on miscarraige i was VERY young, my mom knows about both of those, she didn't want me to continue with any of the pregnancys as you know i am only young (even now). I can't let those escape my mind, ive tried talking to my boyfriend but we are at the 'marrige couple' stage where we are too used to eachother and conversation can sometimes be akward. I know what your about to say, I am not a silly little teenager who doesn't think about things that come with a baby, but I really want one. I know that its money, having your own property to live in, having a car (which I am close to passing my driving test). I do get paid more than a average 17 year olds income but it is still not enough, i know that and I know my wise dision is to cary on studing and go to uni, or at least finish my two year course at college. but I cant cope with this, I feel i will fail my course, I hate the poeple in my classes, they are too immature and I cant be bothered with the grief, im there to study not be twisted into some scence. But I feel if i do have a baby i have something to keep me going with my trainning, that I will have something to give me a kick up the arse when im having a stressing rough day. I feel in my heart and head (and have done for ages now) that been a mother is the right dision for me im afraid I cant move on with my life without having my own precious son or daughter to cherish and love, Im a very maternal person. Im a caring person and a loving person and I need a baby, my own baby to share that love with. Ive tried sharing my love with children at schools giving them a education and making them smile and laugh, but it doesn't work. The best dision is what you choose for yourself isn;t it? I know thats the baby, but my wiser dision would be to carry on trainning until im a little older and have money, a car and a house of my own. But I have tried to forget about it and I can't, all my friends are having babies. Im the odd one out, I really need somebody to understand. I cry myself to a nervous brakedown and I also don't sleep at night, somebody please tell me what to do. Don't tell me the right thing by everybody, read this then tell me, what should i do. I know that in life you have to be happy with your choices, I need to have a baby to move on with life, to get away from this horrible circle, that keeps running round and round in my miond, I forget and then remember but i'll only forget for a few minuites. SOMEBODY, SAVE ME FROM MYSELF lol xx thanks for reading and any comments thatr i get. please don't try and mother me and shout either. lol xx
I am curious to know why you feel the need so strongly to have a baby, especially at such a young age. From what you have written, you think that the responsibility of being a mother will give you more of a reason to continue with your studies and do well in school. Is there any reason that it has to be NOW as opposed to sometime in the future? Also, I think I should point out that there is no guarantee that having a child will give you more self- discipline. Maybe a child will simply add to your stress and troubles. What does your boyfriend think of this? Is he aware of the two miscarriages and does he want a child?