I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain and feeling the way you are feeling.

Are you taking your anti depressants? I'm sure they can help you, but it does take time to build up a level that will help you.

If you are taking them and they are not helping you, you really do need to talk with your doctor.

You also really need to express your feelings to your family.
I know it is hard to do, I've been there myself, and it is important. Your family is hurting as well, and they are feeling terrible that they can't help you and relieve your pain.

Just talking to your family can make all the difference in the world. When they understand how you feel, it makes it easier to deal with.

As for your surgery. If you have had a second opinion that says the surgery will not help your pain, because of the way the doctor is doing the surgery, then you really shouldn't have the surgery done that way.

You should get a third opinion first as to what is the best way to do surgery and access your nerves.

You have 2 different opinions as to what way the surgery should be done and info about the nerves.

One may be correct, but you don't know which one is. You need another opinion as to which way to go.

Please try and get a third opinion before having the surgery. There is no reason to have surgery again if it is not going to help you.

Please get to see your GP and let him/her know how you are feeling. Take a family member with you or a friend.

Good luck

Fran

I agree with Fran. If the doctor doesn't think that surgery will help, you may do more harm to yourself than good. I know doing nothing seems like the worst thing in the world, but maybe there are other treatments out there. I know it doesn't sound like it would be very effective, but have you tried physical therapy to get some movement back? Living with pain for so long can make you tighten your muscles to the point that your back muscles are completely stiff. Also, I know it sounds like bs, especially for such a severe problem, but some people swear by acupuncture and say that it even helps the body heal itself. It wouldn't hurt to look into it, right?

I agree that getting a third opinion (as a kind of tie-breaker) would probably be a good thing, if it is possible (I know that getting approval can be difficult in the U.K. at times).

As for feeling like a burden to your family, I seriously doubt that is the way they feel. They love you and just want you to get better. They don't want to lose you.

Have you felt any difference since you started the anti-depressants? If not, maybe a different type or dosage would be good.

No one is telling you that you don't have the right to be depressed or that you should just get over it. That's ridiculous. But it doesn't mean that you *have* to feel this way. There is help out there. Maybe just having someone to talk to outside of your family, so you don't feel like you are over-burdening them, would help. A counselor, a doctor, a support group, I think any of those would help. A support group would also help you feel much less isolated. Even if you just join a chronic pain forum on the internet. You will see that you aren't alone.

I wish you the best. Just don't give up.

I can't tell you what it meant to get two responses to my problem - it really means so much to know other people understand - thank you. I attended my first pain clinic today - only took 14 months! The nurse was so lovely; I went in bright and breezy (act) hobbling on my stick. When she asked about mood, I cracked and admitted that it was crap at the moment. Spent the next 30 mins sobbing, this is just not me, I am usually so happy and love life. I actually work in psychiatry, yea, I know all about low mood but its difficult to take your own medicine! Nurse today wanted me to see someone; problem is I know everyone working in psychiatry in my area and it is a 'grapevine'. I'm not embarrassed about being depressed, that would be hypercritical, but I just don't want my friends (most work in psychiatry) to know as I don't want the fuss - I can't be bothered. Leaving the house today was second time in 3 weeks. I think I could live with the pain but I just wish I could get my legs to do what they should!!! Have re-booked my pre-ops (didn't attend last apt as too low) its for 19th May and I hope to discuss with surgeon then (but he is a little arrogant!) I really really really do not want this surgery, but I can' put my family through this any longer - Oh, my partner of 15 years left me on Monday (again), so I am truly alone. Thank God for my daughter and pets (son is a waste of bloody time). I truly am not this miserable git that I am now, I just want to love life again and get back to work. Once again big thanks for your time, I really appreciate it - you have no idea how much x

sandz47,

Glad to respond. glad to hear that you got out of the house and talked to someone in the pain clinic. That is good.

But, I'm concerned for you and this surgery.

It doesn't sound like you should go ahead with it without getting another opinion.
You have to opinions that are very different. One of them is no doubt correct, the question is which one?

Going ahead with surgery now and not knowing which is the correct answer is a really bad idea, especially if it isn't going to help your pain or provide info on the nerves.

Please consider another opinion before going ahead with this surgery.

Fran