When I was younger I use to follow religious teachings, but I don't any more, I feel I am more agnostic now.

I appreciate that and I fully respect that, but I actually want to start learning again. Every time I even start to go that way, though, it feels like I'm doing something wrong because I have that association with a manic phase now. I'd love to get over that. It can't be *all* wrong.

I do notice that I am not currently learning anything, and I think I was manic when I went to college and worked on things.

I have been on disability and on medication I wonder if I went off of the medication if maybe I would get my motivation back.

I just started a new ADHD medication so I will see if focusing better will help me get back on top of my work.

My eyesight got bad over the years so now I don't just pick up books to read like I use to. I still read quite a bit on the internet. But I can enlarge the writing on my computer.

I don't know about religion but I have not been learning in sometime and would like to get that back.

Have you considered going for therapy with a psychologist? Many psychiatric disorders lead to behaviors and patterns of behavior that are the result of trying to cope with the disorder prior to medical intervention. These coping behaviors often are not productive once you become stabilized. Medication can bring stabilization for a person. Therapy will help you learn new, better coping skills. These skills will help you be more productive. You may want to consider therapy. A good psychologist that is very familiar with bipolar disorder may be able to help you find a balance with your desire to learn about religion again. It is possible to learn to disassociate your learning about religion from former manic episodes.

It is wonderful that you are stable. Learning coping skills will only enhance your life and bring another level of stability to your life.

geekylotus, I'm studying to get my degree in psychology and doing meditation research right now (trying to incorporate buddhist psychological principles into Western Psychology), so may have some insight into your question/problem. i think your aversion to religion is actually a quite healthy development -- it seems to me that religious zeal and delusional/irrational thoughts can be the cause and the result of the innacurate thought processes we associate with manic or depressive states, and so you are right to associate religions and religiosity with the sort of thinking you and all of us are trying to get away from. fortunately for you, and for all of us, buddhism is not a religion in this sense. in buddhism, there is no God, no irrational faith, and the focus is really on having an accurate, non-deluded view of the world as it is. in fact, the buddha encourages people to doubt his teachings, to "go see for themselves," to not just take it as some sort of faith based delusion we should follow by some moral imperative designed by some god we've never heard of. we all have delusions of some sort, self-serving biases, overblown perceptions of bad events, persecutorial or egocentric fantasies -- everyone has these things, bipolar disorder is just one set of fantasies going to an extreme in both directions. what the buddha tried to do is to devise a proper way of viewing the world which would help us to sidestep completely all the pain and suffering caused by these delusions. so, i think you are on the right track in doubting religion, but also on the right track in checking out buddhism (which i've always thought of as more of a philosophy than a relgion; even many buddhist monks have said or told me personally that buddhism is not a religion). i have met many people who have said that buddhism has helped them to understand and work through their problems with bipolar, and I think that initial inkling you had towards Buddhism is a shimmer of you're understanding of why.

ay, i don't mean to sound like a religious zealot of any sort, i would never even call myself a buddhist even though i've studied it quite deeply: i've just seen how many times it works for people in conditions like yours and mine (I've had unipolar depression for my entire life, with the occasional sort of manic or delusion-of-grandeur type episode)and I think you are very wise to pursue this route towards a better life. anyways, if you choose to check it out, i guess im just saying its safe, you will find no religious zealoutry or grandeuristic madness there. the buddha taught to (and how to) overcome obsessive attachment to things that bring pleasure and obsessive aversion to things that bring pain -- what else is "manic depression" aside from this? i think this is a very promising system for many types of mental health issues, esp. bipolar -- so if you want to, go ahead and pursue it! just be careful to keep your own manic delusions in check; buddhism can help to train yourself to do this as well

My family is in the process of being destroyed by what I suspect is bi-polar disorder, yet to be diagnosed, for my wife. Interestingly, she fell _away_ from her religious beliefs just prior to things getting really bad. I'm fairly religious, and think religion, from any divine source, be it Buddhism, Christianity, Islam... etc. are all wonderful, beautiful expressions of a healing medicine from God. It is just difficult to sort out our foibles as humans from the religion itself. Buddhism strikes me as being particularly likely to help create a more even and focused approach to life that would help with depression and anxiety. Don't fear religion, but be very cautious of people's tendency to misuse religion. I wish you the best. - In kindness and love.

I was there it sucked. I Studied everything. Greek mythology, Buddhism, Hinduism, Irish folklore, Kabbala, the Tibetan Book of the dead. What a waste of time. It was not empowering for me at all. Only a little bit. Then I tried self-help books and they were okay. But still I had so much trouble identifying myself with other people. Finally I just got on the phone and called the distress line because they were their to listen. I talked as much as possible to people. They had some creative ways for me to handle my emotions.

-making lists of my good qualities
-making lists of what I want
-making lists of what I am grateful for

I avoided the bible and the quoran. But there's a pastor who goes to my gym. I said to him I needed someone to talk to about trauma that happened in my life. He recommended a christian church which was open all the time. I talked to the pastor there and he told me to go to a group where I could meet people my own age. Now I volunteer in their nursery and help set up a hand bells choir for children in the community. I also helped make dozens of shoe boxes for gifts to kids in the third world as a contribution to operation Christmas child.

Obsession is bad but I encourage self-development and finding a sense of identity.