I have been married to a great man for almost four years and we have an adorable two year old together. The first year of our marriage, I thought my in-laws were ok, specially after hearing about in-laws issues with other people. However, either I didn't see it or the "honeymoon" was over and things have gone down hill badly. Looking back, most seemed to have started when I found out I was going to have a baby.
From the moment, we announced my pregnacy, it seemed like the gloves came off and I was critized for eveything I ate, bought, and chose to do from my MIL and SILs. For example, I had morning sickness so bad my OB, almost put me in the hospital for dehydration as I couldn't keep anything down for almost my whole pregancy. Then, my Ob sent me on maternity leave very early becaue I worked 12hr, rotating shifts and between the morning sickness, the heat and swelling when standing to long. He thought we would be at risk. Even after explaining all this to my in-laws, all I heard was how lazy I was and that all of them had worked up till the day they gave birth. They were superwomen and I was a weenie.
It did not get better after my daughter was born. I was critized for not breatfeeding, for not taking my SILs suggestion (they have 5 kids between them so, they are the experts) and every other choice I made concerning my daughter was wrong, usually it ment that since they had not done things that way it was wrong. My daughters' first birthday was held at a local park for being a netural ground between mine and my husbands families and all my MIL and SILs did was gripe about it not being at one of thier houses. (None of the men will get involved or comment about our "women issues")
It only gets better. The two youngest SIL's have backed off except ignoring me, but the oldest SIL and MIL seem to have stepped up their meaness. My MIL has become down right rude at snubbing me and no matter how hard I try to talk about anything, she gives me one word response and then ignores me. So, I stopped talking to her all together and I'm the one being rude. It is like I'm suppose to beg for her attention. The SIL has become horrible. She will plan birthday parties and family outings and not tell me till the day before and then get angry when I have other plans and try to make me look like I'm the one being a B-----. She even made the comment the other day, that if we had another child, it better not be a boy because, since everyone else had girls (except the youngest who had one) I wasn't allowed either -she acted like it was a joke, but I don't think it was, Everyone has been hoping for a boy for years and it would make her meaner if I had one and she didn't after three kids. (There are 10 girls and a boy) I could care less, I love my daughter.
Another issue I'm facing with all my in laws (men too) is they live in a perfect little box and they do not tolerate anything outside this box. For example, they love sports, all kinds, and all the kids are expected to play sports from the 5 year old to the 17 year old. I flat out told my in laws that my any kid of mine will make their own chocies about what they like and not be pressured into anything, and the screaming match that followed was brutal. Course I'm the one being mean and selfish ect. They also found out I went back to school (I tried to keep it secret) and now all I hear is how I think I'm some sort of genius and better than they are ect. I'm fed up with being on the defensive and feeling like I'm in a war zone all the time. My husband is not the only boy, so it's not sisters protecting thier only brother.
My husband, who is nothing like them, has stood up for some things, like when his mom gets to nosey about money and his business, but that is it. Ayhting esle and he won't say anyhting and we are fighting all the time. He thinks I'm not trying hard enough, that I need to conform to what they want because they will not change. They have always been like that, and it is no use getting upset. It is all in my head. I think you get the picture. We never fight except when they are involved. I'v even suggested moving away from the town to keep all in-laws at a distance, but he won't leave his dad (he's a sweetie, but like my husband stays out of women fights). Sometimes I think he doesn't want to see it. They also disapprove of two college friends(I'v known them 13 years) and not for really any good reason just that they are different. One makes all her own clothes and she loves wild patterns and colors. They think this is childish and my other girlfriend has dignosied mental problems, they are mild but still there. They think "those people" are a psycho waiting to happen.
Has anyone come across such out right hostility with almost all the female in-laws? I'm at lose as why they are so hostile and mean to me. I have looked back trying to figure out what I might have done, but nothing comes to mind. My crankiness now is in repsonse to being put-down and feeling like I"m doing battle all the time. I don't want to lose my husband, but some days after a big in-law issue I feel like we grow apart.
Don't feel bad, I am considering divorcing my in-laws because every time they are active in our lives, they are cruel to me (like yesterday, my FIL insulted a fake flower arrangement I made for my MIL 2 years ago. They like it enough to display it in the center of their dinning table, but all of a sudden he blurts out, where did that ugly piece of crap come from. He knew I made it and my husband sat there quietly as he kept saying bad things about it after my MIL told him I had made it). My husband gets so angry at them that he disowns them, then we are great! As soon as he starts going around them again, all the trash starts up again and he defends them instead of me. If I have to divorce my husband to be free of my in-laws, then I think that is what it will come to. I play deaf and stupid (like I don't understand what they are saying about me) and it makes me feel horrible. Horrible about them, my hubby for not saying anything and horrible about myself for not speaking up. I was raised to not cause any problems with my elders, so I try to respect them and to earn their respect, but they can't get past being hateful. BTW, they think it is ok - my FIL is a verbally abusive alcoholic, my BIL, is a verbally and physically abusive drug addict and alcoholic. My hubby has depression and some anger issues but no addictions. But I am the weird one that isn't deserving of their family. Maybe they are right, I don't deserve that...ha, ha. Anyway, good luck with your in-laws. If they are as bad as mine, you got your work cut out for you.