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Asking partner for anal sex ?

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Hi ladies,
I am a young guy in a serious relationship (engaged) and I am up to try anything sexual at least once.
I have always wanted to try anal sex on my partner. I have heard all reports that it is great for the guy due to the 'tightness' of the sphincter etc etc.
My problem is that my fiancee who has been previously married tried this before with her ex, and she did not enjoy it.
I accidentily blurted out in the middle of sex the other night I wanted to try it, but there was no reply whatsoever. I guess I should take it as a no, but I am not sure.
How do I go about asking this question in a way that it is something I want to try, get out of my system and move on?
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replied May 28th, 2009
Community Volunteer
I think you have already asked her and she has told you...Take her answer and live with it....
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replied May 29th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Painful anal penetration is just that …painful. It hurts physically and emotionally. Try to talk about what happened to her instead of asking her to do it right away. She would feel much better to see you care about what happened instead of asking for something she obviously has a problem with. I don’t mean ask her over and over again until she gives in…maybe you will be happier to know why
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replied May 29th, 2009
I was once a victim of the "sneak attack" as I like to call it. I was with my ex at this time. One day, during sex, without any warning whatsoever he proceeded to jab me with it. I felt a mix of pain, anger, and humiliation.

It ruined any thought I had that anal sex could be a pleasurable thing. My current boyfriend mentioned trying it once. I told him of my experience and how I didn't think I would ever do it. He told me that it was ok, and I never had to do anything I didn't want to. He said that if I ever wanted to try, that it would be at my pace and he would stop if I ever felt uncomfortable. I still haven't tried it, and he hasn't brought it up again. If I ever do it, it will be when I'm ready.

You've expressed your desire to try this, and she has given you a definate answer. Like Rosie said, maybe you should try finding out why and then just leave it alone. If she ever wants to do it, she will. If not, you'll know why and you can move on.
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replied June 15th, 2013
Patience, lubrication, and clitoral stimulation are the keys
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replied May 31st, 2009
Experienced User
i dont think you should ask her. if you feel like trying it again think of her going to the bathroom(sorry for the crude image) and having diariah. also, i believe anal sex is for the gay. so good luck
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replied June 10th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
exactly I have had traumatic experiences. My hubby expressed his desire to try it....didnt push the sugject. I shared what happened to me...nothing else happened. Then I had the desire to surprise him...one night I brought out the lube...and well you know the rest
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replied April 26th, 2010
you can ask her everything if you and her have a good relationship
you are free to ask and she is free to say yes or no .

probably if she reply you with silence she could be afraid to say you no ,
because she could think you will be a little disappointed .

so i think you can ask her ( in a delicate manner ) again and tell her what you fell and what is yoru curiosity and your wish abotu sex .

ask her if she can give you a reply about and tell her she has not to fell forced about , tell her that she can reply what she prefer and want and that you will respect her reply in everyway .

it mean if she reply no , it will be no , and end of discussion !
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replied April 26th, 2010
Experienced User
There is a lot of risk that goes into having anal sex including pain and injury. Which she has already experienced. It may not be something she will ever consider doing based on her trauma. Which is totally understandable. You will have a better chance in getting her to change her mind if you are more sympathetic to her concerns and show her that pleasure can be had in this area through other forms of stimulation. Using your mouth, yes your mouth and fingers and lube being really gentle and basically building up to it over a period of time and several encounters. You can do this as part of your foreplay during oral sex etc. You will have to patient and know that it may never happen. She may never want to go down that road again. Such as life. We can't always get everything we want. I'm sure she will be willing to experiment with you in other ways.
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replied April 27th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I agree it can be painful and dangerous but i believe that if you discuss it first before hand then the woman can be comfortable with the decision to go ahead, then when the time comes she will be more relaxed so will not be tensing the muscles even more which causes the most pain...I think you should just mention the fact your interested but let her know it is entirely up to her and you support her decision..Jenny
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replied June 17th, 2013
So, I know this is old, but in case people are searching for it:

I am a lady who does enjoy anal sex with SOME partners that I have developed a lot of trust with. However, I really resent men asking for anal sex because of this reason -

If you want anal sex with your female partner, please just think about your reaction if your lady said she would really enjoy getting off by doing you with a strap-on. Really put yourselves in her shoes.

Any sex partner needs to want to something because it turns them on. Anal sex sounds like, to most people (including myself before I was ready) like a lot of pain. Before I was ready to ask for that, whenever my bf asked for it, all I heard was, "I would like to see you in pain and get off on it." That may seem dramatic, but keep in mind that nearly all representations of hetero anal sex make it seem as though the woman is merely tolerating it for the man, not enjoying it herself.

So if you want your lady-friend to enjoy anal sex... then make her comfortable and make sure it is something that she would enjoy. And realize that it is something that she may never enjoy (do you think you would ever enjoy anal sex with her using a strap-on?)
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Tags: anal, sex
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