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Are they really out to get me? harder to identify delusions

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I have a 14 year history of quite severe depression and an 8 year history of severe anxiety, then 4 years ago I was diagnosed as having Borderline Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Lately, I feel like people are out to get me, and have noticed now I am beginning to make pre-emptive strikes against those I believe to be a threat to my safety or that of my children.. The feelings are getting stronger and coming more often, sometimes multiple times a day. Earlier this week I threatened a neighbour, a man much bigger, taller and older than I, telling him I would plant a knife in his throat if he kept trying to intimidate me.. I later spoke to my partner of 15 years, and to the neighbours housemate, and I figured out he wasn't trying to intimidate me at all, not in any way.. I'm terrified, first that this will make someone snap and actually hurt me, this is making my delusions even harder to identify as delusions, and secondly, I'm terrified I may hurt someone in one of my pre-emptive strikes, which I have noticed are becoming more violent and vicious. I have 5 children to worry about, 2 with Autism, and they are my life.. If I feel anything is threatening them or myself, I go on the defensive, and the violence behind me is unsettling.. I don't know why I think this way. I don't want to think this way. Any suggestions? Whats wrong with me? And why do I feel this way when I know it's wrong? The feelings are so strong they cloud my judgement and any prospect of thinking clearly about the matter. I'm truly scaring myself.
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