I have a boyfriend who has a bipolar.we've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. we broke up twice but we manage to get back together (the first break up, i was the one who ask for it when i learned he has another girl...the 2nd break up was him when he had to money...after 3 months when he found a job. he went back to me).everyone in my family told me not to get back with him.but i just cant help it cus I really love him.I can deal the fact that he has a bipolar. I love him so much and I decided to stay with him. Im ready for a life full of complications cus I really want to be with him. The only thing that I cant deal is dishonesty. I read that people with bipolar are loyal, but how come he is not. Actually we are in a long distance relationship so its really hard. I found out that he was talking to another girl on the internet. When I learned about it, I calmly talk to him and ask him why he didnt tell me about this. He said he was scared to lose me. And that she wanted to leave the girl but the girl is going to commit suicide if she does. I talked to the girl and ask her about this and she admitted it. But i was upset when i learned he is as sweet to this girl like the way he's sweet to me.He cried alot and was sorry telling he loves me so much and I'm the only one he ever wanted.He promised he wont ever do it again. Then one day he just disappeared. We didnt talk for 3 months. Then he sent me email that he's really sorry and wanted me to be back in his life.I forgave him cus I love him. But one day I tried testing him. I made another account chat with him pretending to be another girl.He responded and used another account too. I was so disappointed. Do you think he will ever cheat on me again?Are bipolars not really loyal? Peease i really need some help.
In my experience, no they are not. From the books I have read, infidelity is a major problem. From this forum, you will find marriages that are 10 to 20 years is duration where the partner committed adultery numerous times. My ex is in his 40s and uses the internet dating services and facebook to find new woman. He actually was pursuing another relationship while he was still with me. I didn't realize it until after the fact. It is humiliating.
It sounds like you are a young person. Please take it from someone who should have known better, and leave this relationship. Trust me, it will only destroy you.
Unmedicated and in denial, a bipolar relationship is hopeless.
thanks for the response...i was just trying to leave him but i just couldnt.even though he seems so different.he's not the same sweet guy i met before.maybe he has another woman again.its just disappointing.i love him with all my heart.wish its easy to just let him go=(
Again Seriously- Makes Perfect sense to me. Unmedicated and in denial, a bipolar relationship is hopeless.
I do not believe in un-natural drugs,but the behavior is way to rough and un-just.
Women stop writing about the problem and either deal with it or get out of it.
There are like 3.48billion men in this world, you will find a better suited match in time. I read somewhere that ( could have been here) that BPD people would be best suited with the same. Especially if they are in denial.
You can love them from a distance. Life is to short to be cruel and all tensed up and sad. Ever see the movie Precious?,why would you choose a life that looked a lot like that situation?
If you don't feel good - its not good. What don't kill you, makes you stronger,
Eventually he will drive you down to the bottom...then you will leave.
I know..I've been there too.
When he destroys it all, then you will have no choice.
I am sorry that it is going to be that way for you. But, this story of yours is so common. Like being hooked on a drug. He will have to drag you thru hell, then when you hit bottom you will finally break free. Even then it will hurt.
Wish all the people here could make you see the future you are letting yourself in for.
What you said is SO true.....being hooked on a drug must be very similar....something that just won't let you go. I've gone through this for 5 years now, and really, NOTHING has changed for the better. My brain knows what I need to do, but my heart is just broken.....it's so hard and so unfair b/c to save myself, I'm being forced to do the last thing I want to do....letting him go when I love him this much. Nothing about it is easy....nothing. These years have so changed and damaged me, and now I need to find the strength to refuse any contact. I take an hour at a time and hold to the belief that it WILL get easier. I have to believe that, at some point, I will be happy again.
So your heart has already been broken during the "with him" period. Well now you are well on your way to getting over a break up from this man.
Breaking up means you will go through the stages of grievance for this loss and guess what you will find a new different kind of love in time or stay here and find your own happiness within.
Also.my feeling are... if you are repeatedly posting out here...you probably want out of this sort of relationship. You have our blessings to "let go" of this sort of relationship.
He may change - he may never. Let him go and if he comes back to you then you can deal with that at time, you may be happier without him. I have to say I do not miss the roller-coaster ride... Who needs to feel weekly as if they are not worthy. Drugs and Dis-Order can stop with the proper care.
For me the "mis-trust" issue was the most painful part. If I was suspect of he was of me, it just was not healthy either way. And he created uncomfortable social situations, competitions, acts of jealousy and then it would be all my fault it happen or he would say women just always do that to him, it just always happens to happen to him. BPD men are not protectors of their family,just themselves. Sadly.
If its not fun-loving its not a healthy situation.
As humans we come into this world pure, as children we gain a spirit to our souls and our environments can effect our development. I am very sad to learn my ex may be off-beat with this disorder but I am sure this life also belongs to me and I can have many things I want, my way. My health, my personal self worth,peace of mind and feeling like a woman should are all important for my well-being. Consider what you want for yourself and make the best decision for you moving forward.
I once read a sign and it said:
"If you do not take charge of your life, someone else will"
It changed the way I thought about myself in relation to the world around me and others.
If you leave him...in time you will find a new hope, a new love and yourself worth and beauty back in check. And find a loving relationship full of compromise,trust,empathy, compassion, sex and laughter=unconditional love.
We lose good people every day and for me I would prefer to maintain my peace of mind and hold them in love within my heart rather than be dragged down for "no apparent reason" yes they may have a good reason but not if they are in denial, and many men are as well as women are in denial, so you cannot change any one who is not willing to see what pain they are doing. Only you can change your actions.
I am uncertain how much bipolar disorder affects loyalty. It is more of a personality trait than a manifestation of a medical condition. It is true that people with bipolar disorder are more likely to be unfaithful during manic episodes, but ultimately, the disease does not cause infidelity any more than alcohol does.
People who suffer from the disorder are emotionally unstable. Even if they are 100% faithful, this instability means that they often are incapable of providing the kind of love and support that one might expect from a relationship. This really is not their fault. It is the nature of the illness.
These stories all are bits and pieces of what i go through on a daily basis with my bipolar bf, of almost 3 years. Some days he is so gooood to me, and it reminds me of why i fell in love with him,but others, its like im a piece of dirt on the floor. Today, was one of his down days. He told me he wanted to rip out my voice box so i would stop complaining . He has called me so many names it just breaks my heart. I was such a strong woman before him, and now i feel completely broken. I know, just like we all do, that i should break up with him, but my heart just aches at the thought. As though he's some sort of drug for me, i just can't let him go. Why is it that with bipolar men we women feel as that they have some kind of pull over us? Blahh i really hope there is a light at the end of this darkkk tunnel. ) =
There are-(were) times I just wanted to make love, make up after a BP temper tantrum, ( so to speak) and laugh and hold each other..and they want to give you the silent treatment or just go on and on and rage...yawners,I am a lover not a fighter. What are you?
You can live with a whole heart,
a broken heart or a
up to you
how you want to feel?
What I don't get is what some people are so afraid to deal with the reality of their situation.