I'm 19 years old. And I've suffered with eating difficulties and a lot of change (a little too much change if you ask me). I'm leaving home, for university...obviously a very stressful time. But in the past..3 years - I have become irrationally fearful. I don't believe that I've had panic attacks per se. But I have definitely been terrified, adrenaline would course through my viens - I would cry uncontrollably. But the weird thing would be my head - when I properly cracked everything would shake and feel smaller - my vision wouldn't feel right. This has calmed down, with acupuncture and enough emotional support to cure all. However, these days I feel incredibly strange. I need to talk about my feelings everyday...demanding so much from my family, because if I don't - then I, I'm not sure. Its incredibly difficult to describe. My head doesn't feel safe. When I try to get on with life, I find myself spacing out, obsessing about either my thoughts, how they're not right, how I find something frightening when it shouldn't be. I'll repeat my thoughts in my head, and then I push myself to just think normally. I get tensions in my head, sometimes things will just feel smaller, although they aren't. And recently I've been fixated on my vision - like I can see the colour pigments that make up what I see...which otherwise is completely normal - I mean if you focus too closely on something...but for some reason it bothers me greatly. I want to see clearly. Yet nothing feels right.
My father's a psychotherapist - so feelings and emotions have always been out in the open - within the household. But now I feel like I'm obsessed, with feelings and thoughts and analysis. And when I try to break out of all of these complications - something sucks me back in. It might just be my way of figuring stuff out...but I do worry that I'm crazy, schitzophernic for exmaple. I'm always fixated on something. In the beginning of last month, I felt like I was going to get sucked out of reality at any minute....my family, the world seemed so...just like a bunch of cells and evolution. The thought of all the possibilities of the universe frightened me, and for some reason I just couldn't ground myself.
I don't panic, as much these days. I just push myself through the days, and hold onto to faith and what my therapist and father have told me. They are both convinced that I will be okay, that I'm not crazy. But it's like I'm determined to be? if that makes sense.
I guess I just don't trust anything... not my mind, not other people - though they do help me calm down, not my feelings.
I read some of the other posts, maybe it's this de-personalization, derealization thing? Because I do know, that this is only my reality. It's not other people's. And I know logically, that all of this shouldn't be possible.
I'm scared, that no one knows what's going on with me, not even myself...and that I might I dunno, go insane, or die from the physical consequences of my mind frame. That I'll be forced to kill myself - though that's irrational. At least I know it on some level.

Any advice?