Well, it has been a tough past few months.
I think I'm going crazy, but people are
convincing me I'm not. I'm deathly afraid
that I have Schizophrenia, but from what
people are telling me, it's anything but.
So allow me to tell you how my Anxiety and
Panic Disorder came along (what I was
diagnosed with of course).
I decided to smoke some weed, ganja,
marijuana, whatever you would prefer back
in December 2007. Little did I know what
it was going to do. Now I wish I never
smoked it because I've been in a living
heck since then. My symptoms from the day
since include racing thoughts, fear of
going crazy, visual snow (this is a big
one), increased awareness of floaters,
unusual sensations (crawling feeling in my
legs or random jerking feelings), and
weird surges of a certain sensation and a
sudden feeling of Deja vu, and panic
attacks spread around over the past year.
I also suffer from something I've come to
know as Depersonalization or Derealization
if you will. It feels like everything is
fake or there is just a big gap between me
and reality. And with this type of
mindset, I don't know how I've kept myself
in school making decent grades. I'm only
16 and in many difficult AP classes.
Before this, I've felt like I could do
anything. And now it feels like I'm so
limited and I can't do anything for the
life of me.
I've gone to the doctor. They've done
blood tests: nothing wrong. I went to see
a psychiatrist which is impossible because
of how incompetent they are. It took them
over 3 months to get me in, but they
diagnosed me with anxiety and panic
disorder. They blew off the feelings of
derealization and visual snow, as "they're
just floaters!" I tried to tell him I am
able to tell the difference between my
floaters and visual snow, but he didn't
listen to me. I mean hell, I don't know my
symptoms because I don't see them, right?
I've been prescribed Zoloft to help me
with this disorder. This whole entire
thing is crazy. Before this I was a very
laid-back person getting good grades, and
now I'm going through such crazy things
that I expected to never happen in my
life. I find myself having lucid dreams
now and the random jerking feelings are
getting worse. Why does this have to
happen to me?!? I want to do so much with
my life, but with this garbled caca, I
can't do anything!
Am I going crazy? Is there really
something wrong with me? Will all of this
go away if I go on Zoloft? I feel so lost
and scared in my own house with my own
family. I just want this to go away with
the best possible results for myself and
others as well. I know it kills my mom to
see me go through this but I can't help
it. I need something, ANYTHING to make
this whole entire thing stop. Can anyone
help me?
(Apparently, I have some kind of censored
word(s) in my post that is stopping me
from posting. If this is the case, I'm
sorry and I didn't mean to trigger that.
Ignore it if possible, I didn't mean to do
that. Just don't ban me.
)
