I would appreciate legitimate well thought out responses to my questions in order to deal with a very serious issue that has impacted my life a great deal. If your response is some angry outburst because you've been duped by a man, or is all religious in opinion then please don't inflict that on me. I need help, not your emotional response ok?
Last thing I want is to sound like one of these stupid women who just refuse to see the truth but at the same time i want to give him every benefit of the doubt before I end a 9 year relationship. My husband and I do not have sex but 3-4 times a year. I've addressed this numerous times and hes either found a new and innovative way to blame me for not having any desire or hes stated he doesnt know what the problem is. After 6 years of hearing him say "I will deal with the issue in MY TIME" I finally decided that his time was MY time now. So, I did the unthinkable..... I added spyware that allowed me to see exactly what hes up to. It was very obvious very fast that he has a porn addiction which in itself is not a deal breaker with proper counseling and treatment. The content of the pron is an entirely different matter.
Backtrack a bit: Years ago, I caught him online by accident....creating profiles online as a bisexual man scoping out gay partners on the "down low". When I confronted him he says he was just goofing around and likes talking to others about everything, especially things that are kinda "taboo". Obviously I bought this because I married him anyways but it never left the back of my mind. I always questioned "if hes really just goofing off why wouldnt he create a FAKE id, instead of describing himself to the -T?"
However last year his Internet porn sites revealed a lot of porn that is specific to men receiving anal sex. Its either a woman doing a man with a strap on, man on man or tranny on man. There was absolutely NO regular man/woman porn. At the time I figured the common denominator was "men being dominated" because in all the scenarios the man was the submissive one in the submissive position even in the more S&M type downloads. I guess I just couldnt bring my mind around to accept the "gay" aspect of all of this.
Now we are living apart temporarily due to job stuff and I thought that perhaps sex would be more important since we dont see each other often. But there was no more desire on his part even knowing he may not see me again for a few months. When we do have sex, it takes so much work to get him erect that I myself lose passion. So, I did it again.... I scoped out his computer and spent 2 months capturing data. My husband visits porn daily, several times in fact and its ALWAYS gay, bisexual, Tranny, or female on male strap on. And its many many hours of it.
The next thing to point out is that he told me upfront that he liked strap on sex and claimed it was the feeling of the nerve endings on his prostate that was the feeling he liked and that it had nothing to do with being gay. i researched this and many straight men seem to like the occasional prostate massage. But if the prostate massage is the desire, why cant a hand-held dildo do the job? Why would I need to strap it on like a man, bend him over into the submissive position and perform like 2 gay men would? I cant get my head around this.
Ok, so long story even longer: I confronted him and he swears that he LOVES the female form (obviously just not mine) and that he watches this stuff because of the "raw" aspect, not because hes jacking off to it. he swears he has no desire to be with a man, never has and never will. Then its back to blaming me for him not wanting sex. I either didn't treat him well enough, spent too much money on credit or the best one is that I wasn't progressive enough sexually when we first got together and he lost desire for me.
Can I please get some constructive feedback? Tell me what I should hear and dont candy coat it. Just be genuine and i wont take it personal. Am I pathetic?
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