I would appreciate legitimate well thought out responses to my questions in order to deal with a very serious issue that has impacted my life a great deal. If your response is some angry outburst because you've been duped by a man, or is all religious in opinion then please don't inflict that on me. I need help, not your emotional response ok?
Last thing I want is to sound like one of these stupid women who just refuse to see the truth but at the same time i want to give him every benefit of the doubt before I end a 9 year relationship. My husband and I do not have sex but 3-4 times a year. I've addressed this numerous times and hes either found a new and innovative way to blame me for not having any desire or hes stated he doesnt know what the problem is. After 6 years of hearing him say "I will deal with the issue in MY TIME" I finally decided that his time was MY time now. So, I did the unthinkable..... I added spyware that allowed me to see exactly what hes up to. It was very obvious very fast that he has a porn addiction which in itself is not a deal breaker with proper counseling and treatment. The content of the pron is an entirely different matter.
Backtrack a bit: Years ago, I caught him online by accident....creating profiles online as a bisexual man scoping out gay partners on the "down low". When I confronted him he says he was just goofing around and likes talking to others about everything, especially things that are kinda "taboo". Obviously I bought this because I married him anyways but it never left the back of my mind. I always questioned "if hes really just goofing off why wouldnt he create a FAKE id, instead of describing himself to the -T?"
However last year his Internet porn sites revealed a lot of porn that is specific to men receiving anal sex. Its either a woman doing a man with a strap on, man on man or tranny on man. There was absolutely NO regular man/woman porn. At the time I figured the common denominator was "men being dominated" because in all the scenarios the man was the submissive one in the submissive position even in the more S&M type downloads. I guess I just couldnt bring my mind around to accept the "gay" aspect of all of this.
Now we are living apart temporarily due to job stuff and I thought that perhaps sex would be more important since we dont see each other often. But there was no more desire on his part even knowing he may not see me again for a few months. When we do have sex, it takes so much work to get him erect that I myself lose passion. So, I did it again.... I scoped out his computer and spent 2 months capturing data. My husband visits porn daily, several times in fact and its ALWAYS gay, bisexual, Tranny, or female on male strap on. And its many many hours of it.
The next thing to point out is that he told me upfront that he liked strap on sex and claimed it was the feeling of the nerve endings on his prostate that was the feeling he liked and that it had nothing to do with being gay. i researched this and many straight men seem to like the occasional prostate massage. But if the prostate massage is the desire, why cant a hand-held dildo do the job? Why would I need to strap it on like a man, bend him over into the submissive position and perform like 2 gay men would? I cant get my head around this.
Ok, so long story even longer: I confronted him and he swears that he LOVES the female form (obviously just not mine) and that he watches this stuff because of the "raw" aspect, not because hes jacking off to it. he swears he has no desire to be with a man, never has and never will. Then its back to blaming me for him not wanting sex. I either didn't treat him well enough, spent too much money on credit or the best one is that I wasn't progressive enough sexually when we first got together and he lost desire for me.
Can I please get some constructive feedback? Tell me what I should hear and dont candy coat it. Just be genuine and i wont take it personal. Am I pathetic?
I am a 59 yr old man. I am not gay I have been married for 32 years to my present wife and 7 years before that. With that said I will go on. From as far back as I can remember I have enjoyed my prostate being massaged. As a boy I used toys to put in my butt. As a teen I used hotdogs I know sounds nuts. As a Man and husband I have enjoy anal stimulation. My wife does it for me once in a while but she feels it is dirty.However if you shower and clear your self it is just another way to enjoy sex. The idael of strap on has always been in the back of my mind however my wife won't have anything to do with it.
I also look at porn on a daily basis and have done so since I was 16. This I have found has numbed my senses so I have gone from normal male/female sex to girl/girl sex
to female masturbation and on and on. Till now I am into transsexuals. Not paired with any one but solo. It's the strangeness of it or the different appearance I'm not sure.
As for being gay I am not. the thought of a hard male body against me just turns me off.
yet to watch another man masturbate is enjoyable to me. I like seeing the enjoyment he gets from pleasuring himself. I also enjoy watching females masturbate to orgasm.
Sex to me is very personal and physical. I need it daily yet my wife can do without it. Unfortunately she has a condition that has left her with no desire at all. Also since she has gone through the change it has become even more so.So I try to handle my problem myself as much as possible.
I have diabetes and an ED problem and massaging my prostate excites me and feels wonderful and help to complete the sex act.
Yet as I said before my wife doesn't like to do it.
So here is what I would suggest try massaging you husbands prostate for him during foreplay and get him really excited then move on to intercourse and see if it helps at all. Just because a man has little or no desire for sex doesn't mean he is gay.
I had a male friend that confided in me he would rather masturbate then have sex. I thought he was crazy but that was him. He had a girlfriend who was very sexual a and she was always trying to find ways to excite
him.In reality he just wanted to do it himself it had nothing to do with her.
Keep the faith and try being more physical with him maybe he needs to feel dominated and needs to have his prostate played with regularly. That is something you need to talk to him about. Just remember what takes place behind closed doors is no ones business except those behind it. That is of course it is consentual by both. If he doesn't improve then it depends on you and how much you love him. Its avry hard decision I know and 9 years is a long time but if your unhappy and he is to or doesn't care your unhappy then you need to make a yourself happy. What ever it take to do that is up to you. Hope it was a help .
Yes he is gay sorry guys dnt watch other men at all naked I would please move on before he gives you HIV thats prob why he wont have sex with you either he knws hes not faithful and would feel too guilty if he gave you HIV or an std living a homeosexual lifestyle is very dangerous especially if he really is trying to meet people online why not just move on with another man and never have to think your boyfriend is gay again this is too suspicious but i knw its hard
If you arn't getting his penis, another is , and you can almost bet it is other men..The gay world is top heavy with men like your husband..if you are unhappy, find another penis, and no, i don't mean another husband