How can I get past the pain of remembering all the abuse? This incident still hurts to think about it.
After I had a hysterectomy some years ago, my mother was driving me home from the hospital. I was still very weak and could not walk easily (vulnerable) with the 10 inch incision. I have never been pregnant, so the hysterectomy meant that I would never have children. We stopped in a hamburger place on the way back to my house (my mother had come out to be helpful during the surgery). As we were beginning to eat our burgers my mother said, out of the blue, "I never much wanted children anyway. Your brother and you just came along and I took care of you. Just think, if I hadn't had children, I wouldn't be here right now. I might be doing something better."
I was unable to reply to these remarks. I pretended that I needed another paper napkin and painfully made my way away from the table so as to avoid having to reply. I think she was trying, in some strange way, to comfort me about the fact that I would never be able to have children, but it was a strange way to do it.
Maybe after another 6 months I won't hurt from all of these incidents, and I will be able not to think about them.