Ok, I've had a past of issues with food. I don't consider myself as anorexic- my eating habits go through stages. A few weeks of eating under 500 calories a day, back to normal eating, over-thinking everything I eat, keeping track of what I eat, etc...
Some reasons for these habits- pressure from being an athlete, sometimes I punish myself for doing something wrong, stress and depression. My mom has struggled with anorexia and bulimia since she was 12 and has also had instances of binge eating especially at night- M&Ms or ice cream in particular.
The past couple weeks now, I have been experiencing the binge eating side of the eating disorder world. I have definitely been over-stressed and depressed lately and, once I'm home for the night, I just keep finding things to munch on. It's like I can't stop. I've noticed a bit of weight gain- maybe two or three pounds and I am really losing it. I am not used to dealing with over-eating and have this extreme sense of guilt and failure after I do. I don't want to go back to over-thinking and under eating either, but I need to snap out of the constant need to be eating!
Has anyone else dealt with over-eating after a past of anorexia/under eating?? How do you find a medium!?
(I am a 22yr old female, 112lbs, 5'4", college runner, somewhat of a perfectionist and overly stressed!)
Yes! I have been dealing with the same thing!!! The way I've dealt with it is by keeping only healthy foods at the house. So if I want a sugary treat I have to drive somewhere and that totally sucks. If you start by just switching to healthier alternatives for snacks and allow yourself to have them whenever you want you will lose that feeling eventually. Its like you keep eating cause your body doesn't know when it will get fed again you know? I seriously have felt the same stuff though. Good luck
That is definitely a good idea! I don't think Easter chocolates in the house are helping any! I've tried making meal plans but when I stray from them it only upsets me more and makes me feel incredibly guilty.
The crazy thing about this drastic eating change is that, usually the more restrictive diet comes during track season (right now). It is so strange to me to be having problems with eating TOO much right now!
I 16 years old and I have the same problem. I'll go on spurts where all I do is eat everything I see and I just keep eating, even when I'm full. Then there are times (usually the days after I binge) that I eat about 500 calories. I honestly don't have answer for you. I am just posting this so you know that your not alone, and Im not alone. I dont know what to do, I feel stuck.
You can go from anorexic to bulima to compulsive over eating (basically bulima minus the purge). Best thing is to get the condition sorted before it goes any further. I know it takes guts to ask for help, but its better than letting it progress, I assure you. Good luck hunx
Alphagirl123: If you're fishing for tips on how to crash diet, there are plenty of people who will offer up "advice" on how to destroy your body. Just don't ask about fad dieting in an eating disorders forum.
Original poster: At the weight to height ratio that you are at right now, you are very thin as it is. You certainly do not need to lose weight, if that is what you are looking to do.
What does food do for you? That is, restriction AND bingeing- what does it fill in you? Does it occupy you, fill an emotional void? These could be things to ask yourself, and contemplate on. Next, after you identify your triggers, so to speak, try putting together a list of things you can do to remember that 1) it is necessary to eat (no doubts about it, especially considering you are athletic- lack of nourishment can lead to the Female Athlete Triad!), and 2) there are other things you can do to cope instead of binge-eating. Check out this website for some ideas: http://www.something-fishy.org/reach/wayst
Also, it is really important that you get in to see a therapist and a dietitian (very helpful for an athlete, not to mention someone with disordered eating).
I went though that exact same thing, and know how exhausting it can be. I''m 5''3'''' and dropped below 100lbs, then started eating again because I realized how disgusting I looked. However, I couldn''t stop. I know what it is like to always have food on the mind and be stuffing yourself so full you can''t move, then falling asleep, then stuffing yourself more. (When there is no room!) Because of the anorexia/binging cycle, I completely forgot how to eat.
Amazingly, I''ve been eating comfortably for a while... thanks to a book! It''s called Intuitive Eating, and I can''t believe how much it has helped me. Life is amazing without dealing with an ED; you have no idea what you are missing until normal life starts to come back! Food is NOT the most important thing in the world, and I am realizing it''s not nearly as exciting as I used to think it was... almost slightly disappointing! If anybody ever wants to talk, has any questions, or needs help with ANYTHING, I''m here.
I'm going through this right now... how did you break out of it? It is so frustrating to think only about food, focus only on weight, worry everyday about what the scale says. It is like a bad habit that I am afraid will go away and cause my world to spin out of control. Any tips you can give, any advice you can offer I would truly appreciate. Thank you
Hi,im really struggling just now.Ive been through a horrible cycle of controlled anorexia to binge/purge to over eating an no purge and back to anorexia and then binge again.I cant get out of it and I miss having to not think about food every day and just enjoy it without caring,the more i think about it the more likely I am to binge.Im stuck.any advice will really help me!
I just ordered the book online immediately after seeing this post. I'm going through the exact same thing and I'm horribly confused and lost. I pray this works because I need to get read of these constant thoughts about food. It's driving me insane.
I too have been through the same thing -- for over ten years. And although it's not anorexia in a typical sense, it IS an eating disorder: it's preoccupation with size, shape and food and an irregular relationship with food. No doubt your suffering and guilt is extreme.
The solution? Get help. What you are on is the slippery slope to a severe eating disorder. I've been on the spectrum for my whole adult life and I'm at the point where I realise I have to do something drastic. Medically I am okay, but the psychological effects of food and weight stop me from holding a job, having relationships and achieving small goals. You don't have to be severely underweight or purging everday to have an eating disorder -- it's more about the thinking (just like some people purge for stress but it's nothing to do with food).
You deserve health and happiness. An eating disorder and weight loss will not give it to you. I hope you manage to find someone who can help.
Hi everyone! Im Laura and have been dealing with bulima/anorexia/binge eating/depression for about 5 years now. I am 5 foot 7 and at my lowesst i managed to get my weight down to 4 and a half stone. It started of with a simple diet, cutting bisuits and chocolate out, but then when I figured the scales wernt going down as quick as i would have liked, my ED kicked in. I was making myself sick on a regular basis, 3 or 4 times a day, if i ate or drank anything, it would soon end up down the toilet, even things like salad and pepsi max! After about 8 months of this, my bulima took a U turn and it stopped, but as for the eating? I was living of around 200 - 300 calories a day. The arguments because of me not eating were hurrendous. My mom and dad were so close to splitting up, my dad was took into hospital due to an illness caused by all the stress. Day to day life became a challange. I coulnt get up till around 3.00pm and my mom would come and check my pules every single hour whilst i was sleeping. I had no energy, walking up the stairs became impossible, so i slept downstairs. Finally though enough was enough when some doctors done some blood test on me, they gave me the weekend to live. I spent the next few days in a hospital bed at stafford hospital, been fed on a drip and comatised. After that I was sectioned under the mental health act. I spent a futher 9 months recovering in rehab,gaining around 1kilo every week. I HATED every second. I was admitted to a specalist hospital from there as my organs were shutting down and i had adima, and if it wasnt acted on quickly, it would have fludded my lungs. But as the months passed, and my health seemed to be on the rise. Some thing strange happened - something that up till this point i had never experianced before. I wanted food. Lots of it. And so it began. My constant need for food, this went on for a year, eating anything i could get my hands on, i lived in my dads baggy clothes, i wanted to be invisible. As the weight gained my confindence shrunk. I had to finish school, with no grades, as it was to much for me. The kids there would lable me names like the fat anorexic, and it was all to much to handle. Then came the depression. I wouldnt and still dont go out. If anyone comes round, i hide in the bathroom. I have tried to end it all a few times. But thing took a change in my opion for the best. One day i stood in the mirrow, naked. I was crying my eyes out, i was discusted with what i saw. Since then alot changed, i seemed to have my willpower back. And im on 2oo - 25o calorise a day, i no its not good, but i would to anything to have my life back. And im so determined, I NO I CAN DO IT!!!
I'm going through a very similar situation. I'm just over 5'8 and was around 6 stone when I was sectioned under the mental health act. I know I was ill and under weight, but being forced into hospital was horrible. If anything the whole experience made me more "anorexic" in terms of thinnking, the nurses would watch you and make you clear the whole plate (every crumb) and obsess over food. I was in there for nearly 3 months, I didn't gain much weght while I was there, but when I got home it all changed. For a while I went back to eating little and exercising alot however one morning for no reason I was eating a bowl of cereal and just didn't stop. I wasn't hungery but I had to finish the whole box! now several months down the line I'm about 9 stone 5 pounds and I HATE MYSELF. I've binged just about every day since, I used to exercise to try and burn off the thousands of extra calories I consumed but now I feel too fat to even do that. I feel embrassed, guilty, fat, I'm always hot, flushed and sweaty (when I used to complain of being cold). I have no one to talk to about it. There is on way I can talk to my mum or family (I have no friends). I've just tried everything, meal plans, detox, crush dieting, keeping just healthy food in the house, keeping myself bussy to keep my mind off food.
I keep saying to myself, I'll start eating normally tomorrow, but TOMORROW NEVER CAMES. I hate how I have no will power anymore, I used to be so strong when I was anorexic, but now I'm lazy and fat. Does anyone have any suggestions? thanks.
You may not believe me when i say that both many of the people who have blogged and i know how you feel. Since the start of this year i have wanted to lose weight. I started off small too, stopped eating junk food. But about a month later i stopped eating rice and bread and other grains and what not. All I ate was fruit and I would exercise in every spare moment that i had. I used to weight 76kg and ended up at 52kg. I'm 167cm, and everyone told me that i was too skinny. When my aunt saw me she told me that i looked as though i was about to break in half. My friends told me that i had lost a lot of weight and some said they were concerned, while i began making new friends, who told me that i looked great and that they wished they looked like me. I began having mixed emotions and didn't know who to believe, but when i looked in the mirror, i still saw a fat pig in my reflection. My mum kept yelling at me to stop losing weight. She told me that my dad- who never cries- cried for me, because i looked disgustingly skinny and sick. My co-ordinators began stopping me in the middle of the hallway to ask me whether i was feeling okay because i looked so pale. Even if the weather was hot, i would be shivering; i would be able to feel my bones just jerking within me. It was awful. After my teacher told me that i didn't look well, i said to myself "thats the last time, there must be something if she keeps asking me" and forced myself to stop working out. In three months i put on 11kg and now weigh 63kg. Now i truly do feel fat, even though people are saying that i look healthier. I don't fit into my clothes and even though it's wrong i want to be like i was before. Now, my mum is telling me that I've put on a bit too much, and it's hurting me emotionally that i react rudely to her. Now I am planning on losing some weight, but I'm going to do it in a healthy way- eating healthy and exercising regularly (not in every spare moment that i have)
But I have to be honest with you. If you want to lose weight to- which it sounds like you do- then do it the healthy way. Eating that amount in a day is like eating four apples. Just by breathing, sitting and sleeping you lose more than that, which i am sure you are very aware of too. You almost died, and were given a second chance, don't risk it, don't waste it. Live your life, and lose it the right way. I'm not just saying this to you, I've thought about what your doing thousands of times in my own mind. But when it comes to the end of the day, we'll only be harming ourselves, and while we may think that we're going to be prettier or more attractive or slimmer (or whatever our intentions are) it will be the exact opposite if we take it too far.
Thank you for your reply. Out of all that, one thing stuck out. Your mom saying you have put too much weight on. I find this so wrong of her, she knows more than anyone what you have been through & yet, your recovering & she knocks you.
Me too!!! I thought I was the only one with this issue
Hey everyone! I have been having this problem too, where I was anorexic but now i feel like I can't stop eating even when I am super full. MY mom told me that when you don't eat for a while, your body really misses food and when you start to recover, you just want to have no limits. I think that in time things will get better, in the meantime, I think that trying to eat a meal and snack times only will help. I should take my own advice but it is a hard thing to change right away. I go to school in the morning so I go a long time without eating so maybe I should bring a snack so I am not too hungry when I get home.
For all the girls trying to lose weight....don't do it! Do't lose weight just because you have low self esteem or feel crappy. Consult your doctor and ask if losing weight would be good for you or not. But losing weight does not fill your emotional void and will NOT make your life all better. It ruined my life, I wish I had never ever had issues with an eating disorder.
Hang in there! Just focus on yourself and what makes you happy, forget the media crap.
I know this story all too well! I used to be completely caught up in the cycle of deprivation, then binging. It's a perpetuating cycle. When you're depriving your body that intensely, 1. you will experience lots of natural hunger and 2. you will be stuck in the mentality of "I'm deprived". With those two things there's nowhere to go, but the opposite way, which is binging/overeating.
1. Eat natural, whole food with the mindset of nourishing your beautiful body. By doing that you will give your body the nutrition it needs and it will crave less "junk". You also won't feel deprived!
2. Practice eating mindfully so you can follow your natural hunger signals & feel totally and fully satisfied by your meals. When you follow your body's wisdom, you'll always maintain your natural weight.
I am going through EXACTLY this same thing right now... I'm 24, female, 5'4" and in a master's program in university. I've had issues with eating and my body since I was 12, and I feel like it will NEVER go away. I keep swinging between undereating, and, like everyone else on here, eating and eating and EATING and EATING to the point where I've actually thrown up from being too full (NOT purging, not doing it on purpose... I never do that for some reason. I guess I just feel like once the damage has been done, it's been done and I've lost control anyway, so WHY BOTHER?) I just feel soooo sick and terrible and like I'm going to explode. ALL I think about is food ALL the time and it's awful. I don't know what eating normally is supposed to feel like, and I've seen therapists and doctors on and off but just become more and more discouraged because I feel awkward telling them everything and talking about it for too long. I usually end up brushing things off and pretending I have things under control.
I went from 97 pounds to 110 in 2 weeks, and I look pregnant, and my stomach actually HURTS from eating so much and it's all chocolate bars and cookies and ice cream and I just can't get enough of it or stop myself (I used to eat only foods with 2 or less fat grams per serving before). Help... I don't know how to stop this awful cycle and I feel like a whale. And SO out of control because my eating is out of control, just as others have mentioned!!!
I have post-anorexia binge eating disorder as well!
I'm exactly the same as you!
I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm 16, 8st and literally cannot stop eating. For me it's bread, butter and jam, chocolate, ice cream and anything with a high fat or salt content.
I was anorexic until about three months ago and then suddenly gave up caring about being underweight. The problem now is I have no control over myself. I've put on so much weight and I hate it. My stomach sticks out and my thighs are flabby and I'm getting so depressed that some days I find it hard to do anything but sleep to take my mind of stuff.
Because of all this I'm not addicted to laxatives and I know that it's bad for my body. It is agony every night when I take the laxatives and lie in bed for hours in excruciating pain. But then each morning I just wake up and start bingeing again.
I'm so glad that other people have found the same problem as post-anorexia side effect. But I'm stil scared about what is happening to my body.
I absolutely understand. I'm use to under eating as well and can maintain a weight I like but lately I can't stop eating. In it is Sunday night and since Friday, I have gained almost five pounds! I'm so sick about it! I feel like I'm not the same person if I weigh more then I like to. I feel people will view me differently too. It absolutely makes me feel out of control, and I want have to get these pounds off in a week before I go crazy!
I wish I had an answer to this problem
Hi. I'm 23 and I've been struggling for years with eating disorders. It started with anorexia around the age of 16, and at the age of 20 I started a slow journey toward recovery ... but ended up a binge eater instead. I can't really tell by my reflection whether or not I'm "flabby", but there are times when it feels like I just can't live in this "fat" body anymore. Fortunately I'm not anywhere near overweight, just a bit "more here and there" than I would like to be (at least that's what I think).
I started overeating after I finished secondary school, and the most recent "lull", when I think I must have lost quite a lot of weight, was a few months ago. Since then I've struggled with a compulsion to eat bigger meals than I should, especially in the evening, and I also suffer a from high-calorie peanut butter addiction that I just can't kick. At times it's difficult to tell whether I'm full or hungry (usually I'm full, and this is how I know: if I have a preference for one particular food, I'm full. If I crave any food, I'm hungry). Usually I'm unable to resist eating even if I know that I'm full.
I wish I could help all of you out there who know what it's like to have an eating disorder. Somehow I just don't think it will be possible for me to ever get "back to normal" - in fact I'm not sure my relationship to food was ever normal. Most of my life food has been the highlight of the day.
One thing that has helped me at times is distraction. Find something that appeals to you so much that you are actually able to end a meal when you should, and preoccupy yourself with the appealing activity at least until you stop thinking about "continuing the meal".
I could of written the exact same thing! I suffered from anoerexia and have now developed a severe disorder where i can go from 600 calories a day to EASY 4000 a day. It has affected me in everyway possible and now suffer from severe depression because of it. I have had this for over 3 years. I finally decided to admit to myself i have a disorder and am in the process of getting professional help. I will keep everyone updated on my process but please please get help it was the best decision ive ever made and i havent even started treatment yet. Just the feeling of having a good future and that it is finally off my chest excites me.. Feels amazing that im not alone.. We can beat this !!
I have been struggling with an ED since I was 14 (I am now 22 with a 1 yr old daughter)
The ONLY breaks I have had in this were 5 months in 2008 when I was in outpatient treatment and the 9 months in 2010 when I was pregnant. The day I had her I refused my dinner.
That said, lately I have been struggling A LOT with binging and it is SO maddening. Each day I KNOW what I want - to not eat. But I go to the food anyway and I can't stop. I don't just eat a little snack, I don't eat until I am full. I eat and eat and eat. It is like I have NO concept of what is normal and I can't control it. This has been going on for about a month now. I will eat only a little or nothing for a few days and then binge for 3-4 days. The fasting does not make up for the binges. I am gaining and gaining fast. How is it so easy to gain but so hard to lose? I am going crazy over here. It is like... as soon as I put something in my mouth my mind and body separate and I can't stop. Also I think "well, you've screwed up now... might as well keep on going" - and that mindset is NOT WORKING for me. I am seeing a therapist but I am so ashamed to tell her what is going on. I judge my worth on my eating. How am I worth anything when I eat so much??? I can't stand myself this way. GOT TO GET IT UNDER CONTROL.
I have been struggling with anorexia/orthorexia for some time now as well. I just started a blog to document my recovery, what to expect, how I gained the weight, etc. It will be really open and honest and I invite all of you currently struggling to come and check it out.
I am actually surprised at the fact that there are so many other people who are going through this aswell! I'm just so sick of it! I don't even understand why I do it anymore. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, fat, and depressed but yet I continue to do it anyways. It's like I can't stop until I am so uncomfortably full and I just want to throw up so badly, but then I know it will damage my esophagus, and throwing up after eating too much won't get rid of all the food anyways, so after trying it a few times I just can't even bother. I also have the "well you already blew it so it doesn't matter if you keep going", which is terrible and is definitely not helping. But what is really getting to me is the rapid weight gain and the pooch at the bottom of my stomach caused by it. I just want to lose the weight and get my old body back again, but I don't know how to stop thinking about food and over eating. I tell myself that tomorrow will be better, and I will not over eat, but it happens anyways and I just want to die right then and there. I just want to be normal again, without restricting heavily or over eating, but it doesn't seem like it will ever happen. I wish so badly I could be in control and have my freedom again, and not always have food on my mind. I want to stop having to hide my midsection under an over sized or flowy shirt and to stop feeling like a fat turkey in my jeans. I want to stop feeling like I have to eat at night, even when I'm not really hungry. If anyone has any stories on how they got over this or how they are getting over it, please do share. I can't stand another day of this. It is taking a toll on me.