Isn't death a good reason to make you stop? Do you think your body can survive without food?

Find yourself what is it that troubles your life to make you go through that self-destructive behavior. There is many ways to loose weight that doesn't require starving or vomiting so think of why you do this.

You would think that "death" would be a good reason...I guess I don't really think that is a reality and would not be a reality unless I got down to my lw...and I'm way off that. My thought process is that I can keep this up until I get to "x"...then I'll be able to stop. I know all of this appears so superficial and naricissistic and I guess it is. But the "reasons why" are so deep and have been there so long...I can't imagine them ever not being there.

So, thank you for your reply, it does put things into perspective. I guess it is something that I will have to live with because it is not something that I think I can ever get away from.

Are you seeing a specialist about this?


I'm no expert on this subject, but you obviously have reasons for doing this. Have you thought about reasons for 'not' doing it? Maybe a change of focus would go a long way

how are you going to be able to stop?


What is it that your problem is? You want a guy to love you and you think skinny will make him fall in love with you? Did kids make fun of you when you were little? Do you want to be more pretty than your friends? Is it that your parents don't give you enough attention? Is it because you are lonely? Do you feel your partner don't love you?

kritty im in the same boat, i was recovered for a few years and i started up again and i lost weight and i tell myself theres nothing wrong with it because im not underweight, my mom and brother and dad and my husbands mom know im slipping but my husband doesnt know well he has an idea. I always think im just gonna get to this weight then ill be fine again but at the same time im afraid that when i get there i still wont be happy. And for you night angel, i can tel you i was never overweight as a child nor was i overweight when is tarted the eating disorder. I just feel gross when im fat and that I cant take care of myself. I just wanna be at a normal weight and not look like a gross person that cant even look good or take care of herself. It sucks but i know i need help yet i dont want it yet. so im in the same boat as you kritty.

Thanks so much for your words tinkinpink - you certainly get it the predicament. It doesn't have to do with anyone else or comparing to anyone else - its me and its mine to handle. My husband has no clue that I've relapsed. ANd I'm not ready for anyone to know.

To Victoria, yes, I'm seeing someone, but he is pretty aggressive in treating the ed and it scares the hell out of me to give it up.

I guess right now, all I wanted to know was if there were others out there like me.

kritty

yepp you can always feel free to PM me to talk if you want to im usually around most nights im 6 hrs ahead of the east coast of the states though since i am in germany at the moment cuz my husband is army.

how much do you weight and at what height? What do you consider normal weight for you? And why don't you try to loose weight in a healthy way?

we arent allowed to ppost weights on here in the public forum. but the average weight for my height im well above at the moment. I have tried doing it right but at the same time ive never had to diet or dieted right in my life. I jsut fall back on what i know and it makes me happy.

So you find dieting difficult and so binging and starving is easy. That's what I figured.

its not just oh im lazy so let me starve its alot more then that, but i do not feel like sharing in my personal life and marriage with a bunch of strangers. I hate starving and purging etc i do. but i did it for 5 yrs. Its an addiction.

NIghtangel - Why are you here? Why are you so harsh? Apparently you have no idea what all this is about - do you? I've appreciated some of your frankness in some posts, but you seem to attack those with this disorder...trust me - it is not something we chose - it is a coping mechanism of some sort - why it is what it is - I don't know and neither does the rest of us. It is not just a weight or vanity issue...it is a control issue. A way to control in your whole world is in chaos.

no one can make you want to stop. only you can make that choice for yourself.

just remember that in life you can either work on things that bring you more energy and joy or ones that take away from it. try to focus on the things that you want to improve without beating yourself up if you fail.

it's not about how you fall, it's about how you pick yourself back up and keep doing so until you no longer fall.

I'm relapsing and I know it, but I can't seem to make my self not do it. It's almost like I want to relapse, just so I can go back to what is familiar, which, what I see from these postings, is part of the problem. I don't know what to do, becuase I'm knowingly doing it, and knowingly risking relationships in my life becuase of it. How do i solve this?