I have a major violent streak.
First of all I have ADD & I'm bipolar. I'm currently taking Celexa and it's working very well for me. I stopped taking adderol because I'm not in school and it's expensive when you are uninsured.
I'm 28 yrs old female, and I have a very bad temper when provoked. Before the medication I would get mad for no reason. Now when I do get mad it's for a reason. When I am sober I'm fine, but I find that when I have a few drinks in me a couple of wrong words will make me want to beat someone senseless. There has been one incident where a women slammed on her brakes in front of me in the rain, I flipped out( I was sober) and cracked my windshield punching it. I didn't even remember punching my windshield.
Usually when I drink I'm fine, but if I get irritated repeatedly I will assault someone. I have 4 assaults on my record, due to not being able to control my temper. That's the problem. I can't control myself when I'm angry and if you get in my way regardless of who you are I can't stop, I'm scared I'm going to kill myself or someone else one of these days. I honestly don't know what to do.
I'm very small too, 100lbs and 5 ft tall, and the thing is I'm really nice, I'm super friendly and helpful but when I'm angry I can't control myself. I become someone I don't even know and I have to punch something. I've seriously hurt many ppl who have come across me and I don't want to be that person, I abhor violence, yet can't control my temper. I don't know where all the anger or strength comes, and it scares me. I will start shaking from being so angry, I have actually blacked out from being so angry.
Do you think that if I go back on my ADD meds it can help me with my explosive temper? I have a good reaction with my meds, it's just I don't want to have to take too many and if I don't have to take and pay for my adderol I would prefer not to take it while I'm not in school.
I really need help. I'm looking for a counselor to help me address my issues.
I read that ppl who commit domestic violence are like pedophiles, they never can stop. I really don't want that to be the case with me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I would never and could never kill someone, but what if I accidentally do it one day because I can't handle myself?
Please I would like any help I can get.