Every parent that you KNOW, not every parent. There are millions more that you do not know. My sister knows some parents that like you, have not felt their child was in pain, but she also knows some that did feel their child was in pain, and they felt helpless to do anything about it. I NEVER said ANYTHING about regret.

Mother, one of the problems of not talking face to face is you only have words to go by and not facial or verbal expressions so misunderstanding is very easy. Sounds like I have misunderstood. Every single parent dealing with anenecephaly and other fatal diagnosises love thier unborn child. None of us want to have their child in pain and every single one of us struggles with this and with what is the best thing for our unborn child, our families and ourselves. I have worked with parents dealing with this and other fatal diagnosises for 6 years now. I would consider myself an "expert" on Anencephally and have done extensive research and talked to most parents dealing with this who go online. I am pretty well known in the ctt Anencephaly online group. 6 yrs ago I had no access to online support and ctt my son to term without the support of another who had "been there". I was not and am not "stronger" or more "saintly" or more "wonderful" than any other parent dealing with a fatal or poor diagnosis. I am just a mom who was put in an impossible situation, just like your sister. Heck, just like you!
I never said you said anything about regret, I made the statement about regret because out of all the women I have talked to, no woman who ctt with a child with anencenphaly has ever expressed regret whereas I have talked to some moms who terminated and did regret. Unfortunantly, many moms are not told they can ctt and a couple moms I have talked to were told their MD would not follow them if they did ctt. They were even told the hospital wouldn't allow them to deliver in their facility! That is why many of us have shared our stories online and in differnent help books that have been or are being published. That is why there is now a prenatal hospice available. The changes in the past 6 yrs is amazing as more and more moms are given accurate info about ctt but those of us who have traveled this road before them. Anencephaly and other fatal diagnosises can be horrible but they can also be wonderful and our journey with our son was both but more wonderful than anything else. Quite truthfully, I wouldn't change a thing and thank God everyday for the blessing of my son.

My sister is one of the few that WOULD regret carrying to term.
I find it APPALLING that a doctor would REFUSE to allow a woman to continue her pregnancy if she wished to, no matter what defect/abnormality the fetus had. I also find it disgusting that they would not allow that woman to deliver in the facility. Ugh, that is just as bad as the doctors trying to dissuade me from a tubal ligation to prevent more preterm deliveries (three children, first born at 32 weeks, second born at 28 and last one born at 24 weeks)because birth control is not an option for me (due to constant failure and medical reasons).

Respectfully, your sister has no idea if she would regret ctt or not as she never gave herself the chance. ALL of us fear and ALL of us don't think we are strong enough and ALL of us grieve our child's death.

Isn't it great to have the choice?

I agree to disagree with you on that. You have NO clue what my sister feels and I am repulsed by the fact that you would take it upon yourself to make such an assumption. She made her choice because she KNOWS what she can and cannot handle. At least I respected your choice. You still cannot respect my sister's. You still cannot grasp how someone else could make a different choice, can you?

Of course I have no clue what your sister feels and I don't disrespect her "choice". What I am saying is she has no idea what she would regret because she didn't put herself in the position. It is the same as other women who tell me what they would for sure do if told their child was going to die. NO ONE knows 100% unless they have "been there, done that". I can't say for sure how I would have felt if I would have terminated. I THINK I would have regreted but there is no way I can know that for sure as I ctt. Do you honestly think I knew I could emotionally deal with ctt and keep myself and my family emotionally intact???? Don't you think I wanted the fastest way out of this hell? Of course I did and so do all the moms who actually ctt. Why do you all think we are heartless monsters when we are actually just moms the same as those moms who terminate for medical reasons? I would also like to say that NEVER would I ever judge your sister. As the saying goes, "There but for the grace of God, go I". You have no idea how true that statement was for me. I am in no position to judge anyone, which is why I don't. It amazes me how often prolifers are accused of that when it often is untrue.

Honestly, someone wants to maintain a brainless or braindead entity, that is up to them. Others would find the concept of the brainless fetus growing bigger and bigger and doomed to die just the most horrific concept. Anything that would make it the baby they long for is already known not to be the case. That is fine for some, whereas others would see it as more like a tumour.

Most Anencephalic babies are not brain dead or brainless. You assume carrying a dying child is horrific but it is suprisingly not. I will not say it was easy but along with sorrowful, it was also joyful and very spiritual. No one ever believes taht at first until they are actually doing it and have gotten over the first shock and grief. The birth of my son was just as joyful and wonderful as the births of all my other children. With any giving act, the giver is usually the one who ends up gaining much more than they actually gave. Hard concept but so very true. I ctt and I felt sorrow and grief but also felt joy and wonder and built a few memories in the miracle of my son.

I NEVER said you or anyone else was a heartless monster. You are the one making people who are pro-choice out to be the evil ones. You still cannot respect my sister's choice because you continue to parenthesize the word "choice" as if it were a bad thing and you still cannot seem to wrap your head around the fact that SHE would regret carrying to term. You CAN know you will regret something, even if you don't put yourself in the position to experience whatever you will regret. It is called knowing yourself that well. A fine example of this knowing happens all the time. It is called a DNR...a do not do-not-resuccitate. You cannot know what you REALLY want to happen if you should have a tragic accident UNTIL it happens, nor can you REALLY know whether or not you will regret having a DNR or not. Yet you CAN know YOURSELF and what you CAN handle and make a sound CHOICE based upon your PERSONAL feelings, emotional capacity, etc. Just like I knew at 17 when I had my son that adoption was NOT an option for me, I knew I would regret it. I didn't have to experience it, I knew myself that well.

[quote="motherofhighspiritedones[/quote]I NEVER said you or anyone else was a heartless monster. You are the one making people who are pro-choice out to be the evil ones. You still cannot respect my sister's choice because you continue to parenthesize the word "choice" as if it were a bad thing and you still cannot seem to wrap your head around the fact that SHE would regret carrying to term. You CAN know you will regret something, even if you don't put yourself in the position to experience whatever you will regret. It is called knowing yourself that well. A fine example of this knowing happens all the time. It is called a DNR...a do not do-not-resuccitate. You cannot know what you REALLY want to happen if you should have a tragic accident UNTIL it happens, nor can you REALLY know whether or not you will regret having a DNR or not. Yet you CAN know YOURSELF and what you CAN handle and make a sound CHOICE based upon your PERSONAL feelings, emotional capacity, etc. Just like I knew at 17 when I had my son that adoption was NOT an option for me, I knew I would regret it. I didn't have to experience it, I knew myself that well.[/quote]

You are assuming and getting yourself upset for nothing. I parenthesize the word choice because I also am all for choice but killing another human for whatever reason is not a choice. Therefore I almost always parenthesize the word choice when discussing abortion with pro"choicers", it has nothing to do personally with your sister or with you. You are flinging the "judgement" word around pretty liberally here; I am starting to believe you are projecting.

You are assuming and getting yourself upset for nothing. I parenthesize the word choice because I also am all for choice but killing another human for whatever reason is not a choice. Therefore I almost always parenthesize the word choice when discussing abortion with pro"choicers", it has nothing to do personally with your sister or with you. You are flinging the "judgement" word around pretty liberally here; I am starting to believe you are projecting.[/quote]

out of pure morbid curiosity if the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not a choice what exactly is it? an inevitability? something forced? really I'm interested because to me 'choice', even if you believe it to be wrong.

out of pure morbid curiosity if the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not a choice what exactly is it? an inevitability? something forced? really I'm interested because to me 'choice', even if you believe it to be homicide, seems to be an appropriate word.[/quote]

Unlike "pro-life", which is complete tosh!

Many women exercise their right to view their fetus as a baby the second they find out they are pregnant just as many women exercise their right to view their pregnancies as cretin body-invaders; parasitic beings taking over their wombs. It's her body and her choice. Just as it isn't ok to go screaming to the woman who thinks she's carrying around a cretin/parasite/spawn of satan that is a sweet angelic baby it's equally rude and obnoxious to say she's carrying around a sponge. Your opinion that YOUR fetus in that situation would be a sponge is fine. But labeling someone else's fetus/baby a sponge is just rude- especially when the fetus in question died and was very much so wanted. It's a very cold and callous thing to say to someone who lost their child that their baby (because her BABY was no longer a fetus after it was born) was/is a sponge thats only as good as its harvested organs. EXTREMELY cold and callous.

This is a debate, not a support group.

Thank you.

Well, then, all I can say that if the inhabitant of my uterus was without a brain, I would regard it as equivalent to a sponge. Your mileage may vary.