I've been with my partner for about 6 years this May, and we got married in September 2008 and we have a lovely son who has just turned 3 recently.
However, things before my marriage were not going to well, and I had felt lonely in our relationship.

I would often talk to my partner about how we need to mix things up, pretend we are dating again and just do more couple things.

He didn’t seem interested and even didn't want to try counselling. So I left it unresolved.

At a college’s birthday party I got really really drunk and ended up in bed with another work college I didn't really know that well.

The worse thing was a couple of days later became pregnant as my normal contraception pill had failed me and was not aware of this until a month later...

Anyhow, after we had slept together we spoke to each other on how it all happened talked to each seriously about what had happened as we were confused. However I can understand I can get carried away and feel amazing when I’m drunk.

We then decided not to really ever talk about this and realise this was a mistake. But then started we started to se each other a week later, I know the reason why... We were two lost causes put together.

He was a loner and had no one and I was in a relationship that I believed that my partner didn't give two hoots about me and I thought that perhaps he wanted me to end it.

3 weeks later I felt , that it wasnt right, that this person wasnt someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with - it was just someone to make me feel "me" again - Which I know is very selfish and disgustng)
I wanted my partner and I wanted to make things work with him until he told me it was the end.

And then realised I had just destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me, having a partner that really did love me but not in a way that I dream it to be. I realise not everything can be like in a romance movie, and its what you make it.

I decided to end it and make it clear why, to the person I was having an affair with. The guy, did not take it well, and threatened to kill him self and tell my family and my partner what had happened. And felt that he could only get over it if he could sleep with me two last times.

I said no, and didn't talk to him for awhile...

Then when I realised I was pregnant, I was so scared. I had to tell him, and tell him I was having an abortion. I didn't know who to tell as I was scared. He then agreed to take me to a clinic and then I had one which was awful as it was not done properly and had to go back to the hospital get bits removed.

I had to tell my partner at the time that I had an infection and had to get something removed - I’m sure he knew something was not right.

I was going to kill myself, as all I could think about was ruining my marriage and my son’s life forever.

The guy, won't leave me alone as he keep emotionally black mailing me and keeps threatening to tell my partner but I haven’t the heart to do so as it would end in divorce - and my mother would never forgive me and we have only just mended our relationship in the last few years.

I know I should tell him as I know he deserves the truth but I just don't think I could cope with life and feel uneasy about being alive because feel better knowing that something that I had done so bad to make their lives hell would be to be burried with me and them to have a normal life without the shame.

I know if I tell him i will be exiled from my family and friends and have no idea how to survive.