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Am I wrong for wanting my husband's mother to stop calling him

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July 23rd, 2011
My mother in law is a strange lady. She and I have never been close, or had any kind of relationship for that matter. Not because we had a falling out or anything, she just never really embraced me. It is cold and awkward being around her, she's not mean or anything, she doesn't let me in, she's sweet but distant and keeps me at bay despite my many efforts to forge some kind of relationship with her and become part of her family. Even though I have been married to her son for more than 12 years, we still have no relationship. But she calls my husband more than I do. She calls for random crazy stuff. She is paranoid and calls to tell him her latest delusion, or to ask for advice on the latest weird thing. It has always bothered me, but now it has gotten even worse. She calls several times a week, several times a day. She recently told him she was diagnosed as mentally handicapped, which he and I diagnosed ourselves years ago, but now in his mind it almost gives her license to do this. He doesn't like the fact that she calls so much but doesn't want to say anything to her out of respect. It makes me uncomfortable to not feel like part of the family around her but always have her calling my husband. The two of them have never been close either and I feel like she is just taking advantage of how mild mannered he is by not saying anything to her. She doesn't have any boundaries, she calls whenever she feels like it any time of day or night. I want him to say something to her, respectfully of course, to ask her to please have a little consideration for our family dynamic. It upsets him when she calls, it makes me uncomfortable and we have to just accept it because he doesn't want to stir the waters. Is this right or fair? Am I being unreasonable?
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lylan
replied July 27th, 2011
Experienced User
No you're not being unreasonable. You and and this woman aren't comfortable with each other, and that's normal for in-law relationships. ( Even after being together with your husband for a while) If it's bothering your husband too, tell him to stop answering her phone calls. He doesn't have to have that much contact with her if he prefers not to. It's his decision; not yours. He's the one picking up the phone and listening to her jabber. It's his mother also. He is responsible for putting his foot down on the situation and ask her to stop calling so much. Talk to your husband about this. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and that he shoudn't be talking to her so often. Maybe he will do something about it and tell her to back off a little. I hope this helped; but please remember it's up to your husband, not you, in this case.
Lylan
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al_nisa
replied July 27th, 2011
Thank you for your comment. Believe me I know it's his decision, this is why it was such a difficult issue for me, I had to wait for him to decide to do something about it.
In the end it turns out it was all a misunderstanding. He said talking to his mother about calling so much was easy and he would do it right away, he thought I wanted something else.
He thought because I kept saying I didn't have a relationship with her that I wanted one and that I wanted him to match make and help us get one. So he told her I wanted a relationship with her after 12 years. Now she's on me about doing lunch or shopping or something when she gets time. It's a funny situation!
I'm fine with not being close to her, we're entirely too different to be really close and I've accepted the way things are. All I wanted was for her to have a little more respect for my husband's time and family and not call every time she gets a random thought in her head.
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