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Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > Am I in Denial or What??
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Q: Am I in Denial or What??
asked by: sarahrocky1 on June 2nd, 2009
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Im a 20 yr old full time college student with a full time job as a Desk Clerk. I just got married in November, we have been together for 3yrs. I had just turned 16 when we started dating and he was 22. I moved away from my whole family to Jacksonville fl to live with him. He would stay out until 4:00 in the morning (he told me I couldnt go because I was under age to get into any night clubs) I trusted him completely! I would get pretty upset and he would give me some story like "I lost my friend and Ive been looking for him all night..." Something like that and I believed him! well we ended up moving closer to my family to West Palm Beach and he got a managment job at a store called Albertsons, I went to spend the weekend with my family an hr away and while I was there I got a call from a friend that lived in the same apt complex as me and my boyfriend, she said that he had a woman over and told me her name and everything! come to find out he worked with her, and brought her home!!!! I went home to pack my things and he begged me and cryed and told me all of these nice things that he had never told me before....I felt like he really learned from it so I was going to give him another chance....So we moved back to his hometown in Ga. to get away from all of those bad memories and try to start over and he was going to earn my trust back. A couple of months later I find out that he had a myspace page which is totally fine, but he had all half naked women on his page, and his status was SINGLE and he had been hiding it from me the whole time, and he was suppose to be earning my trust back.....so Im hundreds of miles away from my whole family but I went and stayed with a friend for a cpl days, he calls and says he will delete the page and never do it again.....I come back to give him ANOTHER chance!! So a couple years go by and he doesnt stay out late, havent had any other problems, so I feel like its over....WE GET MARRIED!!!! OMG I know i feel STUPID just typing this!! So a cpl of days ago I get the cell phone bill in the mail and I see a strange # that he has been calling about # times a day , so I call it! ITS A GIRL THAT HE WORKS WITH!!!!!!!!!! What Should I do I mean really how many chances can I give, and now were married OMG!!!
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breck08
replied on June 2nd, 2009
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Denial on the obvious is a story almost all women can relate to. You went into a marriage with blinders on and why not? You obviously love him! Confront him about the phone calls. The question is how much more betrayal and dishonesty are you willing to live with? Is it just phone calls? Has he taken their employee relationship further? If he hasnt then ground rules need to be given and boundaries set. Find out those answers, if you havent already. For the record you are NOT stupid. You are a young woman who is devoted and in love. Knowledge is power right now. I can explain.
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sarahrocky1
replied on June 3rd, 2009
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Yeah I confronted him last night and he told me they only talk about work and the girl is about to get married, I called and spoke to her myself and she informed me that it was only a friendship, but she could tell I was upset and told me that it wouldnt happen again...the thing is, he would completely flip out if I had a guy friend that I talked to on the phone, or talked to at all! Your advice is just what I needed thank you for it! when I talk to my mom or friends about it they immediately say LEAVE HIM!! But you are totally right I am very devoted and want my marriage to work, I believe that anything worth having is worth working for and no one is perfect and right now its all a learning experience with us we're knew at this and over time things will get better....(I hope)
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JavaMissus
replied on June 3rd, 2009
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Yes...I know of Albertson's and how it is loaded with women...You have your hands full...Either he is going to be truthful or get out....You are young....
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breck08
replied on June 3rd, 2009
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There are women everywhere that will catch some man's eye at times. Its human nature for our species to look. Its a sin win you lust for another. You talked to your husband thats the first step. When you communicate with him be careful not throw the "You" in every sentence. Instead try I feel this way when. Communication is an important tool in a marriage. Definitely you both need to learn to trust eachother. You are young and marriage is hard. It takes work and commitment. Unless he has betrayed you then I see no reason why your marriage cannot work. You dont just throw in the towel. People need to believe in the marriage values of life more. Try counseling to learn how to let go of the past and find ways to move forward to your future. If counseling is not an option there are many books at your local bookstores that you and your husband can read and work through together.
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ServiceU
replied on June 10th, 2009
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i m going to give you advice i would give to my sister. my advice to you is just be careful. the women on the other end of the phone could be lying if she dont want to cause confusion.

from what i read he could feel like he's young and need to finish sowing his oaks. i tried to be the crazy glue in a relationship like this.......huh

there's nothing wrong with wanting to make a marriage work. and i wish you well. it just seems like your husband has a pattern of slipping up. dont ignore any red flags.
best of luck
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rightside
replied on June 10th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Tell him," get out, and don't let the door bang you in the ass on the way!"
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JavaMissus
replied on June 10th, 2009
Moderator
I don't believe that there are women everywhere that are going to catch the eye of a man of 26 years old who is supposed to be married...IMO, he is a player, and will probably never settle down...You are young...If I was married to him he would have been long gone....I always loved that word "self respect"...To me, it rings better in my ear than "no respect"....Good luck...
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