Am I in a abusive relationship ?? Posted: 07-02-08 20:42pm
I am 29 years old. I am a school teacher
and have alot going for me... In Jan I
meet the guy of my dreams... However the
first of June I saw a side of him I did
not like... Earlier in the relationship he
was amazed that we had not argued! I was
not because I am not a confrontational
person.. I am easy going... He would say
things like he was so happy because I have
not seen a certain side of him... I
figured he had a temper but had never saw
it until we were on vacation in June. Our
first fight was him yelling throwing
things and calling me names that is it...
But 1 week later we returned to the beach.
We were out one nite and everyone was
having a good time. Up until the last 10
min. He accused me of looking at a
guy,blah blah.... The whole way home with
our friends he continued to yell at me
saying bad things... We we returned to the
condo, I was lying on the bed he got in my
face put his forearm to my throat and we
continued fighting.. Then he grabbed me by
my throat and said stuff on the lines I
guess you are glad you made me look like a
fool in front of my friends tonite. He got
up hit the tv stand with his fist,
throwing things, Then he hit me on my
forehead with his open hand twice, hard
saying why did I have to do this, I am not
gonna make him look like a fool,etc.......
He hit me the first time and the second
time I actually thought it was gonna be a
fist or something... He left saying it was
all my fault! There I was still unsure
about why he got mad in the first place..
He left for about 4 hours. The next
morning we woke and he said what should I
do about this?? About what he thought I
had done.. I ended up saying that I was
sorry for whatever he thought I did... We
ahd had sex immediately following. Ever
since then he has been just as before as
if nothing happened. He could not get no
sweeter!!! Before we were talking about
buying a house and having a baby because
we had decided that was what we wanted.
All of this is still being talked about as
if nothing never happened. And on Saturday
nite we were at a wedding on a house boat
party for the reception he snapped his
fingers at me 2 times and said get over
here now... I have found out over the
past two weeks that his dad abused his mom
and that was the reason for their
divorce..
Is this the beginning of something that is
only going to get worse??? PLEASE someone
let me know!!!!
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Chinky_Bby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jul 2008 Posts: 2
Posted: 07-02-08 21:03pm
um...im just a lil kid and all but its
like he layed his hand on u already he
will most likely do it again and if your
going to have a baby with him...imagine
what he will do to u when your pregnant or
the baby when its born and if anything u
have a baby with him your stuck with him,
in my opninion u should leave him i've
seen that before it just gets worse i was
in that situation too with my ex nothing
good will come out of it yeah he may seem
sweet but hes not always going to be like
that. just make sure u watch out for him
he seems crazy lol and take care of
yourself =p
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StacyHoll
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2008 Posts: 319
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-02-08 21:19pm
1st fight..
"yelling throwing things and calling me
names that is it..."
(VERBAL ABUSE)
2nd fight much worse..
"He accused me of looking at a guy"
(JEALOUSY... MISTRUST..) PRETTY SOON YOU
WONT BE ALLOWED TO LOOK AT ANYONE OR EVEN
GO TO WORK WITH MEN OR HAVE MEN AS
FRIENDS.
"he got in my face put his forearm to my
throat and we continued fighting.. Then he
grabbed me by my throat"
(PHYSICAL ABUSE)
"The whole way home with our friends he
continued to yell at me saying bad
things..."
(VERBAL ABUSE) ...WHAT FRIENDS (I wouldn't
call them friends..)
"He got up hit the tv stand with his fist,
throwing things"
(INTIMIDATION)
"Then he hit me on my forehead with his
open hand twice, hard saying why did I
have to do this, I am not gonna make him
look like a fool,etc...."
(PHYSICAL ABUSE OPEN HAND CLOSED HAND ITS
STILL PHYSICAL ABUSE.. )
"He left saying it was all my fault!"
WHATS YOUR FAULT!! NOTHING, BUT ANOTHER
WAY OF MAKING YOUR (SELF ESTEEM) GO
DOWN(KEEP YOU AROUND) -- PRETTY SOON HE
WILL HAVE YOU THINKING YOU DO EVERYTHING
WRONG.- MAKE YOU THINK YOU DON"T DESERVE
BETTER- a way of gaining control
"he snapped his fingers at me 2 times and
said get over here now..."
(CONTROL) YOU"RE NOT A DOG.. SAD HE THINKS
THAT HE CAN"T EVEN ASK YOU TO COME OVER BY
YOUR NAME. DOESN"T HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT..
OFCOURSE HE"S SWEETER! ITS A CYCLE.. PULL
YOU IN BEAT YOU DOWN.. PULL YOU IN BEAT
YOU DOWN.. TILL HE KILLS YOU ...
GET OUT NOW YOU HAVE A LIFE AS A TEACHER
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THE BLACK
EYES AND BRUSES TO THE TEACHERS YOUR
PRINCIPAL AND THE PARENTS.. IF YOU COVER
IT IT WILL GIVE HIM MORE CONTROL. SPEAK
OUT GET OUT- DON"T JUST WALK
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
The second fight never should have
happened. (EVEN if you slept with the
guy)
Be so careful, because this is how it
starts and it will never get better its
going to get worse its going to get really
bad, and you don't want to have children
with someone with such a temper because
children make so many mistakes. Enough to
throw him over the edge.
You are a teacher you can buy your own
house live independantly, find your soul
mate. IF he was your soul mate you
wouldn't be doubting him now. At first you
will miss him because of the control he's
gained through the abuse, but Honey you
need to be safe. GET OUT PLEASE
You will see you need to get out before he
hurts you.. More..
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StacyHoll
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2008 Posts: 319
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-03-08 19:54pm
How are you doing?
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RASALIJEN
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Feb 2008 Posts: 15 Location: HOUSTON, TX , USA
Posted: 07-11-08 22:48pm
You dont have to live with this
sweetie!!!!! he will get worse because you
havent done anything and when he accuses
you of him having to hurt you, he is
trying to make you at fault and he will
make you believe it, even if you didnt do
anything and its not your fault. Do not
feel guilty when he reacts that way, you
still have time to run and get out of that
relationship,please,you are not married
yet and also if youre thinking about
having children and him being that way
with you, he will ,ost definitely be
sbusive to the baby as well. Protect
yourself and think that you are lucky not
to have any children with him,sure you
will suffer some at first but it is not
compared to what you will suffer when you
are in an abusive relationship. I hope I
helped, take care of yourself and be
careful,please dont let him treat you like
a doll he can control. God Bless You.
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harmony1
Supporter
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 364 Location: , Australia
Thanks: 27
Thanked:13
Posted: 07-25-08 08:00am
Oh yes, you are in an abusive
relationship. i read the first bit then
couldn't read any more after you wrote he
grabbed your throat. (been there and it
sounds a lot like my past relationship,
infact exactly the same beginning)
He sounds controlling, abusive and just
plain horrible.
Get out while you can. it'll only get
worse. You sound like a bright girl. don't
let this get out of hand. you will lose
your self confidence and you will live in
fear.
This guy needs help.
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californchick
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2008 Posts: 56 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:7
Get out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 08-12-08 13:30pm
Get out of there
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will do that again
again until he either puts you in the
hospital or you are DEAD YES!!!!!!! You
are in an abusive. File charges with your
local police department and or go to an
abuse clinic women's shelter Dont live
with that you deserve a man who doesnt hit
you or control you. There are plenty of
good men out there. I am so sorry to hear
that. I agree with everyone on here. This
is your chance to get out this may be your
only chance. He isnt a man he is a little
boy with a temper actually no he is lower
than that he is a piece of trash NO real
man hits a women. Stand up go pack your
bags grab your keys and run like you have
never ran before and go somewhere safe and
find a real man. God Bless you. and we
support you, Please let us know how you
are doing?
