Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

am i gay?

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i consider myself gay, now. a lesbian in fact. but, i have had one serious relationship with a male. that lasted 1.5 years. 2 years on/off. i know on/off relationships arent worth the time. but i do love him. at least i think i do? while we were "off" i met a girl, who i soon, and still am in love with. she left me after she found out the truth about him. so then.. he and i were back "on" after 4 years, we met in 2005, never used any protection. i became pregnant. but i missed her. he and i talked about everything (he doesnt know about her, he is pretty religious and doesnt agree with homosexuality, he would never speak to me again...) i didnt want to end up a single mother even though he planned everything out on how we would handle the situation... but he also mentioned he kinda thought it wasnt his? i slapped him, couldnt beleive he said that. i decided the best thing was not to have the baby, even though i love kids, and i admit, i was excited about it. but ive seen my sisters stuggle and i did not want to go through the pain and sturggle they went through. a few weeks later, he and i were back off. a few days after the abortion i sent her and email, telling her how i felt. she knows what happened. she hated it, didnt talk to me.. now she is again. we are trying. i love her. she is good to me. we get along well, and i just love her attitude and personlity and the way she looks at me is amazing. but, i love him too. i hate seeing or hearing about him even being friends with these new girls. im totally jealous when it comes to him. but i have no intrest or attraction toward any other guy. girls.. yes, ive dated a few while the girl i am in love with wasnt speaking to me. boys, none. ive been looking for advice. and i dont know where to go where i wont be criticized or talked down on. im here for help. i regret everyday things ive done. it was the worst feeling in the world. and what i felt and heard will always haunt me. just please, give me advice, not criticism.
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replied March 9th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
If you're asking if you're a gay person, no. Your sexuality is defined by your sexual activity. You are a person who has engaged in heterosexual sex during your life in clinical terms it is not possible for you to be defined as gay. From your description it sounds very clearly like you're bisexual. You engage in sexual activity with both genders.

As for this guy, what are you getting out of the relationship? It sounds like you're hitting your head against the same wall again and again. It seems like that should be a sign that you ought to try someone new?
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replied March 12th, 2010
Experienced User
Do you know as a gender whether you`re more comfortable in love with guys or girls? It may be worth reflecting on(?) I`m still very much only guessing from the little you`ve said, but it seems to me more on the side of girls, though, you are probably very capable with both. If I am indeed right, then some lucky guy one day is going to have one fantastic friend!
There are other considerations, obviously, such as how much you want your own children, and what value convention. You`re certainly far better off restricting anything serious to your girlfriend for now. Your very lucky to have both options. Good Luck!
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