am i gay?

i consider myself gay, now. a lesbian in fact. but, i have had one serious relationship with a male. that lasted 1.5 years. 2 years on/off. i know on/off relationships arent worth the time. but i do love him. at least i think i do? while we were "off" i met a girl, who i soon, and still am in love with. she left me after she found out the truth about him. so then.. he and i were back "on" after 4 years, we met in 2005, never used any protection. i became pregnant. but i missed her. he and i talked about everything (he doesnt know about her, he is pretty religious and doesnt agree with homosexuality, he would never speak to me again...) i didnt want to end up a single mother even though he planned everything out on how we would handle the situation... but he also mentioned he kinda thought it wasnt his? i slapped him, couldnt beleive he said that. i decided the best thing was not to have the baby, even though i love kids, and i admit, i was excited about it. but ive seen my sisters stuggle and i did not want to go through the pain and sturggle they went through. a few weeks later, he and i were back off. a few days after the abortion i sent her and email, telling her how i felt. she knows what happened. she hated it, didnt talk to me.. now she is again. we are trying. i love her. she is good to me. we get along well, and i just love her attitude and personlity and the way she looks at me is amazing. but, i love him too. i hate seeing or hearing about him even being friends with these new girls. im totally jealous when it comes to him. but i have no intrest or attraction toward any other guy. girls.. yes, ive dated a few while the girl i am in love with wasnt speaking to me. boys, none. ive been looking for advice. and i dont know where to go where i wont be criticized or talked down on. im here for help. i regret everyday things ive done. it was the worst feeling in the world. and what i felt and heard will always haunt me. just please, give me advice, not criticism.