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Am I Frigid? I still don't like him touching me.

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I'm 21, and in a 9 month relationship with my boyfriend. At the beginning of our relationship we both told each other we were asexual. To me asexual means little to no interest in sex. Which I sense describes me quite a lot.

When I first got into a relationship with my boyfriend he was a virgin, I wasn't and I indulged making love with him because I found it exciting with someone new to introduce sex to them. Together over 9 months we've had sex maybe 20 times. It isn't a big deal for us because we never really placed sex as a big priority. For 9 months we've had an extremely loving relationship. Except I find that I have problems.

Although we don't place sex as a high priority, my boyfriend misses the fact that I used to just simply sleep nude, and now I don't. I don't think I'm comfortable sleeping nude anymore. My boyfriend sleeps in his underwear but I won't. So whenever i sleepover I am usually fully clothed. What I don't like also is that I am not comfortable with him groping my boobs, and if I'm sleeping next to him he'll go under my clothes and touch my tummy. I love cuddling him.

I honestly think it has something to do with me. I remember a similar occurrence happening with my ex. I didn't want to sleep naked and I didn't want him touching me. My current boyfriend doesn't care that we don't have a sex, he cares that I am not comfortable enough with my body to let him touch it. Which is true I'm not comfortable with my body. I always imagine myself as really disgustingly pale, cellulite, and I feel my body flab. This is all silly when I am actually underweight for my height. I still don't care if my boyfriend thinks I look beautiful, I still don't like him touching me.

Can someone share something similar, or have a bit of insight?
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replied July 8th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
You set the ground rules and boundaries of your relationship in the first few weeks and now you are changing them and your boyfriend is likely to feel insecure and threatened...
You sleep together and you like to cuddle him but you don't want him touching your breasts even though you have to know they are probably the best toys he ever had and it is (medically) good for breasts to be touched!

You might have issues about your body but if your boyfriend is OK with it why shouldn't you be - could be your body issues are just an excuse you are making to yourself to hide the fact you are, at heart, a bit of a control freak...

Few people are actually frigid - mostly what is perceived as frigidity is caused by something medical or emotional or by the chemistry between two people not being right.
OR it could be you haven't yet discovered what turns you on to sex - could be you have a quirk or fetish that when discovered will make you eager for lots of sex...

Meanwhile I advise you to protect your relationship with your boyfriend by honouring the relationship ground rules you helped establish and not to change anything without discussing it with him first and having a proper explanation ready for wanting change and be ready to meet him half way or compromise over any change he is not happy with - the adult thing to do!

A relationship should be a democracy and not an autocracy - even down to whether he gets to fondle your boobs after you have climbed into bed with him...

I strongly suggest if you want his continued respect and affection you first look at things from his point of view...

Most people discover, most of the time, it is nice to be nice and being nice can become habit-forming and having lots of sex makes more of the brain-chemicals that controls our sex drives!
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