Contemplation of suicide and the pill taking are of concern here. I am proud to see that you recognized the problem with taking the pills and stopped that action. Depression is often caused by the loss of someone close to you. You do NOT have to experience all of the symptoms of depression to carry a diagnosis. It seems as though you don't know where to turn right now and you are concerned about what others may think of you if you admit there is a problem. Two things: Depression is a MEDICAL condition that may begin with thought processes but ends up as a chemical imbalance... Much like any other MEDICAL condition. You don't think twice about going to the doctor for a cold or the flu... depression is nothing different. The other thing is that you are concerned about talking to somebody and what they will think if you admit the problem... Ask instead what would happen if the disorder progresses and something bad happens as a result of it (you can only cover it up so long, holding back the feelings, and such before something gives). I strongly suggest going to see somebody and discuss it with them.. A general practitioner or a psychiatrist... They can help you through this difficult time and you can get on with your life... You owe that much to YOURSELF. Finally, I don't know about the UK (I gather from your writing that you may be from the UK or Australia), but in the US, we have privacy laws that prohibit the discussion of the nature of your medical visits without your permission. (check into that if you are indeed from the UK/Australia).. since our laws are usually based upon the English common law, it is usually pretty close... At any rate, I do recommend that you discuss this with your MD. It sounds, from what you are saying here, there is a high likelihood of depression ... but it is CONTROLLABLE and you can get on with your life with treatment.

Hello and thank you for your advice
The problem i have is i really do not want to see a doctor aboout this. i dont want medication, i want to move on. I feel alot better today than i did when i posted that problem last night. Its just sometimes everything gets too much. I have up days and down, at the moment the up days are winning. so i may just focus on that. I am currently training to be a teacher and do not want all this to affect that. I hope you understand that i appreciate your advice but still feel unable to contact my Doctor. Just knowing that somebody cares enough to listen to my rant and reply with such understanding helps me alot. It nice just to tell someone how i feel.
Thank you again.