am I being selfish or is it time for me to check out?

It is so funny because I'm experiencing the same thing with my husband. He is disabled and has a truck load of health problems but he still likes to peddle around at his brother's shop everyday ( I think just to get away from home). We have a 3 year old son and I am 5 months pregnant and I am high risk. I love him with all of my heart and soul but I'm at the point of just packing up and leaving because he gives me no recognition. He leaves home about 10 every morning and doesn't return until about 10 at night. I make sure I have him a hot meal ready even when I'm too tired to do anything for myself. He is a great provider but he spends entirely too much time at the shop and hanging with his boys. When I enquire about us spending time together he says we spend time together but he's counting the two hours we're awake before he heads out in the morning and the two hours we see each other at night. I have never been the one to cheat but at this day and age it may be the only way he will recognize what he has (me). I don't think it's being selfish because I don't expect us to spend every hour of every day together. Just respect me enough to set aside a day for us or family time or let me be single where I won't have to deal with the heartbreak.

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I so understand where you are coming from. Just tonight he left me home with our son after he has worked all day to hang with his brother, his girlfriend and their mutual friends...I got dressed dropped our son off to him and went out for 2him hours alone...I got hone after midnight &I he's looking at me crazy. I don't ask for much &that cheating isn't my thing...he either gets it together or I'm out of here!

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I am not sure where to ask this or where to turn to...

Hello,

Caroline is right and it is time to give her the either/or choice but I strongly suggest you do so in a way that leaves her in absolutely no doubt about how unhappy she is making you.

Be assertive. Be very assertive. Go absolutely ballistic if you can. Ham it up enough to shame a professional actor. It isn't the first time you have raised the issue about her neglecting her wifely duties so you have the right to express yourself in the strongest terms.

From your description it sounds like your wife is on the gravy train and loving every minute - she is manipulating you and exploiting you.
It is time you threatened to work part-time and downsize your life, cut expenses, put her on a strict allowance "so you can spend lots more time with her down at the beach, etc." She clearly has too much money so it would be good for her to need to budget or work part-time in order to top up her cash.

I suggest you get some legal advice also. I think you will discover that as a wholly maintained wife she will have the right to expect the arrangement to continue if it comes to a divorce. Downsizing now and forcing her to work and contribute should limit her rights or expectations if there is a divorce. Maybe there was a prenuptial agreement?

Hopefully it won't come to that and your "meaningful" discussion will bear fruit. You certainly should never again allow her to feel so relaxed and secure she falls back into her old bad habits. I strongly suggest you do not do any more than a fair share of work indoors even if you have to live in a pig-sty. If you work and your wife does not it is her responsibility to do the lion's share of running the home.

As she is your wife and not a partner, girlfriend or common-law wife she has a contractual duty to provide you with sex. I suggest you tell her in the strongest terms possible that marriage is 50% sex and 50% sense of humour. When sex is absent sometimes it should be possible to laugh about it but if sex is absent too often the sense of humour soon follows.
I suggest you inform your wife which night you have chosen to be date night each week when no excuses will be tolerated and you will take it in turns to be each others slave...

Good luck!