You both need counselling right away! I think this is the best solution. Also you say you enable him and go along with what he said and you'll have to let him know what you won't put up with and stick to that like glue. The minute he goes back to his old behavior, you have to tell him to correct it or immediately not see him and be strong and consistent. Counseling may help.

hello sorry you are having to go through this. In answer to your question are you being abused the reply is yes.
This is typical of the pattern they follow, putting you on a guilt trip and stopping you seeing friends.
His mood swings and you doing everything to please him and belive me when i tell you sooner or later if you don,t make a stand you shall be his possession.

I have been in your situation and although i felt the horrible stomaach churning worrying if there ws going to be an arguement i would like you back down and accept what he said was right..

honey you need to take control and YES its gonna be tough but if you don,t you shall lose your identity of the person you were and this is what he wants..for you to depend on him for you to think you can,t cope without him...Think what you want and what you need as this is not a healthy relationship.

it took me along time to get back on track and you can do this with help and support..there must be someone you can talk to even us here on the forum..i lost count of the times my husband said he would change and it never happened.

if you really love him then councelling maybe the answer but in my experience i was the one who eneded up needing the councilling and he never accepted yet even to this day he was wrong.

you need to decide what is best as only you can make this decision and we shall be here to help and support you..your never alone on this forum as thats why we are all here..to help each other..

keep in touch let us know how you are doing and feel free to post anytime.
ioka.

Just wanted to say thanks for the advice, it's really helpful to get some outside perspectives. I'm thinking the best plan right now is just to be assertive, and to be myself and if he gets over it - then good, and if he doesn't - well then i guess the story is over. As far as counseling - i guess i'm not really buying into that one, i did go at one point in time, but all i heard was things i already knew. I guess I just have to have enough self esteem to put what i know into action. As far as him going to counseling - I really think he should, but that will never happen (which is really sad); so I guess I'm stuck there. Anyway, I'll be posting as things unfold, and thank you for your support, and any future advise. It's nice to know someone cares.

hi there we look forward to hearing from you and shall advise you anyway we can..you need never be alone as i said earlier..i can understand why you refrain from councelling..it helped me but i let it go on for five yrs as i was niaive to what was going on..when people tried to tell me i just put it down to them not liking him and interfering..
i do understand it now and would never let anyone treat me that way again..be assertive and stick by your guns you have the ability to start fresh and learn from mistakes as i did..we are all here anytime for you and i shall keep an eye on your post to keep updated..
we do care on the forum and welcome to our community of supporters who are always here for you.
watch for others replies from members who like to give you their advise too.

Thank you again, for all your support, it means so much to know that someone has been there before me. SO, here's the update:

The 11th was our official 3rd "anniversary" if you want to call it that. My boyfriend did stop over for a little while and since i had made him a home-made card I said we're just doing cards; no gifts. To my surprise, he made me a card as well (that's so unlike him...granted he knows that if he doesn't change this time around he's done) Anyhow, that was really great, and I was very excited. However, on the previous Sunday I went to go fishing with one of my older co-workers and his family. I accidently left my phone in the car, and over a 4-5 hr period my bf had called me 15 times, and left me 3 messeges (1 nice , 2 kind of pushy) I called him back the second i left and apologized for forgetting my phone and staying out later than i expected, but it did nothing to decrease how irritated he was. He even seemed to think it was funny to tell me how it was too bad that i didn't just stay w/ him all day b/c he did all these "wonderful" things and i really missed out. And he also thought it was funny that my family was a bit upset that i had forgotten my phone as well. One of his comments happend to be "well good, maybe your mom's finally going to work to my advantage, I don't even have to get mad b/c shes gonna yell at you for me" Now after all that he's back to being in an "ok" mood. Tonight I suggested we go to couple's counceling to see if we're all that compatible and/or to see if we can work things out. He pretty much said nothing and then was like "why would you want to do that?, Why does your family even know you're having trouble w/ our relationship" I just don't know what to do with him. And to make it worse, I have a very kind male suitor asking for my attention n telling me i deserve more than what my current bf can offer. I just am at a loss.... I'm scared I'm going to miss out of so many opportunities if I stay in this situation, but I really love my bf. Any more advice?

I hope you don't let him continue to bully you. My advice is to get him out of your life. If you have other male suitors, you are in great shape. Love has to go both ways equally. That is the challenging part of life. Any relationship that is not this way, equal on both ends, is going to be harmful to one of the partners, and truthfully to both.

I am currently in an abusive relationship, not physically (YET) but one in which I am degraded and shot down every day, and it is a strain on my soul, stressful and depressing. I am fearful of being too abrupt because of his potential to be physically abusive. I have a 10 year old son, and this cannot happen. So, currently I stand in limbo.

My point, don't waste your precious time, don't prime yourself for a worse situation later in life, make sure that you are true to yourself and good to yourself in your choices in your life. Things are not always going to be as changeable as they are now.

Good luck, and keep looking for support/assistance.

I'm currently going through the same thing with my boyfriend of three years. I really don't have much advice as I'm in the same boat but just know that you are not alone. It's 3am here and I'm still up sick to my stomach over our fight tonight. Like your boyfriend mine is moody and when I dial his number I just never know what I'm going to get. It scares me.

Well, here's the update - I got up my nerve 2 days ago and I dumped him. The first night he wouldn't stop calling me, leaving me voicemails n crying. He even called my brother to try and reach me. His mom was doing to same thing to make matters worse. I'm upset, and yes I do cry, but for some reason I feel like I can breath again. Now he's emailing me, telling me that he had just begun to change and that his heart cant take it anymore. I feel like an awful person but I just keep telling him sorry - via email of course...I won't speak to him, as he'll just change my mind. I don't know I feel wierd w/o him, but maybe this is for the best. What do you guys think?

good for you honey..no this is where yo need to be strong..my husband self harmed and this is what he would use to get mee back and put me on guilt trip if anything happend to him..
honey call his bluff as he will go through denial anger and then acceptance as mine did...you can do this trust me i did and got my life back..
yeah i got the tears and calls and flowers and it made no difference as i knew i had to get out of it..

you shall feel hurt and weird without him but he will hurt and control any woman the rest of his life and now you have the chance to get your life back and be happy..
your male suitor who shows interest is a good thing for you but..tread careful and take things slowly if you do decide to accept his offer of a new chance in life..

give yourself time to heal and get your ex out your system and your new suitor will respect you more for it. don,t give your ex any reason to say that you moved on because of a another guy. this is a new start for you and please be strong and don,t give in..

this is a learning curve and it shall surprise you the more distance between you and your ex you just dumped the stronger you shall become. I am now more positive and my own person again and it took time but the freedom and weight lifted from my shoulders was fantastic..

i wish you all the best sweetie and in my heart i know you will succeed and be the bright happy woman you were before you met this controling person..
honey message me anytime i shall be on the forum till wednesday and then i have to be on a personal break..
the others on this forum are fantastic and sure they will give you great advice too..

good on you and i hope the new future ahead of you brings you peace of mind and happiness honey..

ioka