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Am I Autistic? Diagnosis?

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Hi all, I'm wondering if you could help me if I describe some of my symptoms. I respect that I am probably not autistic but I may have Aspergers or be bi-polar.

Ok here goes. I find it very hard to speak to people. I have a few close friends but other than that around people I've known my hole life I am very awkward around. Including family. My cousin tried to talk to me and he is 14 but I could not think of anything to say, so I was awkward around him and his Grandad had to come in and intervene. I could tell he knew I was being awkward.

Even when I am with a group of people and they are talking about something I am interested in I never speak up or try to engage in their conversation. I often lie to my friends to get out of going out with them and would many times prefer to stay at home and be on my own in my bedroom.

I don't want to celebrate my birthdays. I have had one girlfriend but that was only for 2 months 8 years ago. I never really wanted to see her. We never had sex. I get nervous around new people and dread going to social events.

Sometimes I would start to get on well with a person who would become a friend. But it seems after a while I stop talking to them and start lying again to avoid seeing them.

I am 24 years old and to conquer this I decided to go travelling with a close friend I mentioned earlier. I have pretty much alienated everyone I've met while my friend went from strength to strength. I am staying at a house now where, if I here someone is in the house and I need to go to the bathroom, I will stay in my bedroom for as long as it takes for them to go away. Same if I need to cook and someone else is in the kitchen I will not go into the kitchen until they are done.

And lots more things like this but you get the picture, there is a lot going on in my life at the moment mentally and physically which I am finally starting to try and solve. I have posted about some heart trouble I've been having recently too, though I am not as urgent for info on that as I was at first, tho I am still desperate for advice.

Please, what is going on with me?
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First Helper User Profile OutgoingGirl2
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replied December 14th, 2011
Smile :)
Hello wwaarrddy ..

It is sad to read all the post people write on this website. I imagine somehow it must be very depressing for you been without a girlfriend for so long. When you mentioned "We never had sex”, so are you a virgin right? Well let me tell you this. I might be an old school btw im 23 years old female but to me a guy that is a virgin at your age is nothing to feel ashamed of!!! .. I actually like the type of guy that prefers save himself for the one he loves...I feel attracted to this type of guys! And I’m sure other girls too. So stop worrying about whether a girl will like you or not. I'm positive the one for you will love you even with all the "issues" you explained here lol

Good luck...
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replied December 16th, 2011
Yes I am but it is the other things that are bothering me. There must be something mentally wrong with me, to be so withdrawn? I don't think any girl would care for me the way I am, I don't know. Maybe I like my own time too much.

Sex has never been a massive thing for me I've never searched out for it, so to speak. I've been waiting for long enough when will a girl like me? They won't I know it.

I wonder if I should have a one night stand, maybe if I get myself so drunk I can go for it. Maybe it is all that is holding me back after all.

I'm really at a crossroads, I don't knwo what to do. So I do nothing. I think I even shirk the attention of girls because I fear they may even grow to like me, and that's even more scary because then they will get to know me really and end up hating me anyway.
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replied April 30th, 2012
Hi wwaarrddy,

I am a mother of a teenage son who was diagnosed on the ASD spectrum, (Aspergers) at the age. On reading your blog, I could say that my son has very similar and same traits. I expect you have a lot more. Please go and see your GP as ask for a referral.

The thing to remember is you are you,unique, and this is how you were born. There is nothing wrong with you. However you need help and support and clarity. I hope you find the courage to go to your GP, or try the National Autistic Society web page....you could talk to someone direct over the phone...

I hope you receive some help soon.
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replied April 30th, 2012
Hi wwaarrddy,

I am a mother of a teenage son who was diagnosed on the ASD spectrum, (Aspergers) at the age. On reading your blog, I could say that my son has very similar and same traits. I expect you have a lot more. Please go and see your GP as ask for a referral.

The thing to remember is you are you,unique, and this is how you were born. There is nothing wrong with you. However you need help and support and clarity. I hope you find the courage to go to your GP, or try the National Autistic Society web page....you could talk to someone direct over the phone...

I hope you receive some help soon.
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replied April 30th, 2012
Hi wwaarrddy,

I am a mother of a teenage son who was diagnosed on the ASD spectrum, (Aspergers) at the age. On reading your blog, I could say that my son has very similar and same traits. I expect you have a lot more. Please go and see your GP as ask for a referral.

The thing to remember is you are you,unique, and this is how you were born. There is nothing wrong with you. However you need help and support and clarity. I hope you find the courage to go to your GP, or try the National Autistic Society web page....you could talk to someone direct over the phone...

I hope you receive some help soon.
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replied December 23rd, 2011
You more or less just described exactly what ails me. I'm very reclusive and withdrawn, and I find all relationships difficult and awkward. Like you, I often lie and make excuses about why I can't come out and socialize. It is simply too draining and too scary to me. People are extremely confusing and I usually miss the point of conversations. This is mostly because I can't focus very well, and partly because people make me nervous and I'm afraid they'll insult me if I speak. Even if the discussion involves something I'm interested in. Oftentimes, when I DO speak, everything is jumbled and my words do not come out as I intended them. This makes humor very hard, but still, I often amuse myself with my thoughts and I do think I'm intuitive and funny. Just misunderstood and ailed.

My life is just one giant sequence of misinterpretations, strung together by embarrassment and anxiety. Obviously you're the same way. Like you, I avoid the people with whom I live. I sneak around so that they don't hear me, and hence I avoid painful and nerve-racking interactions. Also, I can't keep a consistent relationship and my romantic experience is pathetically shallow. I've had 2 girlfriends, one of whom I dated for 2 months, the other for 6 months. I did not have sex with either of them, and indeed I'm still a virgin. I'm 21 years old. This bothers me sometimes, but like you, I have bigger things to worry about. Confusion strangles my mind.

I'd say get help. Clearly you need it. I've had some therapy in the past, and it really did help me. Between counseling and medication, I saw some considerable emotional improvement before my second g/f broke my heart and I tried to kill myself. That was 14 months ago, and I've refused all treatment since. I guess I'm just apathetic.

By the way, I was diagnosed first with Major Depressive Disorder & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. After further counseling, they changed my diagnosis to Bipolar disorder. I was put on an anti-depressant, an anti-psychotic, ADHD-medication, and an anti-hypertensive. None of the meds worked like I hoped them to. I weaned myself off and decided to try and beat this monster naturally. It hasn't worked, so I'm probably gonna seek therapy again soon.

G'luck. I'd say you're Bipolar as well. But that's for the profs to decide.
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replied December 23rd, 2011
You more or less just described exactly what ails me. I'm very reclusive and withdrawn, and I find all relationships difficult and awkward. Like you, I often lie and make excuses about why I can't come out and socialize. It is simply too draining and too scary to me. People are extremely confusing and I usually miss the point of conversations. This is mostly because I can't focus very well, and partly because people make me nervous and I'm afraid they'll insult me if I speak. Even if the discussion involves something I'm interested in. Oftentimes, when I DO speak, everything is jumbled and my words do not come out as I intended them. This makes humor very hard, but still, I often amuse myself with my thoughts and I do think I'm intuitive and funny. Just misunderstood and ailed.

My life is just one giant sequence of misinterpretations, strung together by embarrassment and anxiety. Obviously you're the same way. Like you, I avoid the people with whom I live. I sneak around so that they don't hear me, and hence I avoid painful and nerve-racking interactions. Also, I can't keep a consistent relationship and my romantic experience is pathetically shallow. I've had 2 girlfriends, one of whom I dated for 2 months, the other for 6 months. I did not have sex with either of them, and indeed I'm still a virgin. I'm 21 years old. This bothers me sometimes, but like you, I have bigger things to worry about. Confusion strangles my mind.

I'd say get help. Clearly you need it. I've had some therapy in the past, and it really did help me. Between counseling and medication, I saw some considerable emotional improvement before my second g/f broke my heart and I tried to kill myself. That was 14 months ago, and I've refused all treatment since. I guess I'm just apathetic.

By the way, I was diagnosed first with Major Depressive Disorder & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. After further counseling, they changed my diagnosis to Bipolar disorder. I was put on an anti-depressant, an anti-psychotic, ADHD-medication, and an anti-hypertensive. None of the meds worked like I hoped them to. I weaned myself off and decided to try and beat this monster naturally. It hasn't worked, so I'm probably gonna seek therapy again soon.

G'luck. I'd say you're Bipolar as well. But that's for the profs to decide.
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replied December 24th, 2011
EstrangedDaydreamer Thankyou for posting and being so honest. I am really scared to go to the Drs with this. I guess what scares me is that they'll turn around and tell me nothings wrong with me but either outcome is scary. And what do I tell my family if I am these things? I love them, but I would never want them fussing and worrying over me. I feel like I've been living a massive lie and that it will crush my parents. I'd rather go through this than subject them to that.

Did you tell your family given your diagnosis? I do not want to take drugs to solve these problems, the hardest thing is I think I want to be better but I just can't be.

I am very sorry to hear about your second girlfriend, this too is a fear. I think we both need a girl who can look after us and be patient and help us through this but me personally I am not selfish enough to force anyone to help me and bring them down aswell. It's a catch 22 situation.

Good luck with yourself, I hope therapy will help you.

Thanks again, I will work up the courage to seek professional help.
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