I really dont know where to start with this but i am going to try and tell everything.

Bascically when i was younger i suffered years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse from my step-dad, he told me i was pathetic and stupid and no one cared about me so i might aswell do what he said, he also used to hit me with the closest object to him and he would sometimes hit me with his belt, usually across my back or the back of my legs, he would also use my arms as an ashtray, and put cigarettes out on my arms. When i was 12 he told me that smoking and drugs was good, and although people said it was bad, he was family and i was young and thought he was right so i started smoking ad using drugs, he would also make me drink, and that is the first time he raped me. After that he didnt really need me to be drunk, he would do it anyway, and sometimes it was just touching.

He gambled therefore he took alot of my mums money so in the end she made him leave, but she never knew what was happening to me.

It is years on yet lately my mum has found a new boyfriend and they got engaged, and i refuse to be with the family, i eat alone, i stay in my room most of the time just staring at the walls, crying, just thinking about my life, and replaying things over and over. I am meant to be doing my GCSEs now but i am so distracted, i am failing them and i feel hopeless and guilty about everything that happened. I can't concentrate atall and i am forever daydreaming about how i cant get away from all of this. I have tried running away, and wish i could, i also have wanted to overdose sometimes when things get too tough yet i am scared of dying.

In the day i am so tired yet at night i cant sleep, i will just lay there. I feel so isolated from everyone, my family, my friends, and just life outside of this little bubble i live in. I now feel repulsed by even the thought of food and smoking, which i guess is good for the smoking yet that makes me angry and frustrated. I used to have hobbies, but its like now i dont have any anymore, and i dont want to do anything. I dont feel close to anyone, and i am losing all my friends because of this. I am so upset all te time and crying because i feel worthless. I dont like being in school atall because i like the quiet now and i like to be shut away from everything and hide so i often try to stay off school. I am also very scared of rejection and failure. I like to get drunkat the weekends just to take it away and forget but then i will wake up and it is all still there. And i am getting so frustrated lately that i will just shout out and scream and i dont care who is there to hear it.

I have also been getting more headaches and stomachaches and my whole body just aches and feels tired.

I am soo sorry that this was really long but i have so much bothering me right now and i just really dont know whats wrong with me. I need help, thankyou!!