I am 22 years old and i despise my father. There is not one good quality i like about him. Quite honestly i envy people who dont know there father cuz id sooner have no father then the one i do. I know you only get one and your supposed to love them unconditionally but our relationship has degraded so far over the years that i can never forgive him, respect him, or love him.
He is a horrible alcoholic. There is never a day that he isnt drunk. He goes to work, come home, and is drunk within an hour. When he gets drunk he turns into a terrible human being. He never stops yelling for hours on end about trivial things. He is terrible racist and it really shows when he is drunk. And he is just lazy. He lies on his couch drinking and shouting and ordering people around. And when u dont do something exactly how he wants it he gets angry and starts fights.
Now he hasnt been physically abusive too much in a long time but when we were little he wasnt afraid to hit when he was angry. This stopped when he broke my older sisters collar bone but occasionaly more violence will happen just not to often. There are the occasions where he was hit my mother or pushed her, this usually leads to me beating the hell out of him.
In the past we used to just ignore it and just blame it on his alcoholism but now as it gets worse and he gets nastier the fights are more frequent. Its gotten to the point where just the sight of him angers me and the second he talks bad of my mother i want to hurt him. I am not an angry person or violent but i am just so fed up of what he has put my family through that i lose it with him. He has already driven both my sisters away and id be gone to if not for fear of what he might do to my mother.
My mother wont divorce him though. Mainly cuz she says he is still a good person when he is sober (which is never) and because of monetary and property issues. He refuses to change though and will never give up drinking no matter how much it tears the family apart. I feel as though i have never had a father cuz he has never done anything fatherly. One shouldnt hate their father so much but i feel that even if by some miracle he was to change i would never be able to forgive him.
How do you forgive someone who has hurt you so much so frequently? How can u being to repair the damage that has already been done? And if they refuse to change what else can you do besides abandon them?
