I am glad that you found this forum. You will find many people here with similar stories and experiences. Several things came to mind while reading your post. First, if you dislike your psychiatrist you need to find another doctor. It is important to feel confident in your doctor's judgement and his ability to treat you properly. Trust is a huge factor when you are dealing with doctors. I hope you will think about looking for another doctor to help you. You mention feeling out of your body. This may be depersonalization and is a very real disorder. You need to report these instances with your doctor. Your medications may not be the right mix for you. Finding a medication that you can tolerate may take some time. There is no one size fits all formula to treating bipolar disorder. It is through trial and error that you find the right medication for you. Your doctor can work with you on this. Try keeping a mood chart (search for "mood chart" on the web). Keeping a mood chart helps you keep track of your moods and will help the doctor see how you are responding to the medication. It is a good tool while you are trying to find the correct medication. Don't give up. There is help out there but you need to be persistent. As far as your being angry, sad, hysterical, and happy - this is all part of the disorder. You are not stable. This will get better when you find the right meds. I hope you will try to work with your doctor to get the medication right. Life will feel better for you when you do. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Hugs to you.

Thank you for telling me this. I realize I'm not stable. One moment I'm typing away furiously and hte next I'theollected and calm. I'm married and it scares me. ive gotteI'veery VERY dangerous, although i have never tried to hurt myself except when i was 13, but more on that later, ive stabbI'vemy brothers soccer ball with a steak knife, ive almosI'vean over a friend of mine, i used to use drugs and when i did i felt more in control of things. Since then i have been clean for 2 yrs but i feel I'm getting worse. I cant concentrate i cant think straigh tstraightsthoughtsing in and out of my head and i cant stop it. Yes i have researched the going out of my body adn i camandp with the same thing and I'm not sure what to do about it. unfortunately my health care is very limited as it is from the government. For the longest time i wasnt abwasn't sleep at ALL and i would go a week with an hour of sleep and yes this was after i was clean from the drugs. I cant be honest with the councelocounselor scared to try. I just dont trdon'tppl at all unfortunately, well i do but only with things i feel they cant use against me. I get violent and i start to hyperventilate and then i start crying hysterically and start shaking and then I'm out ofmy mof myand al iwant i want is run away and then i want to stay adn kiandwhoever made me get mad but then i realize what I'm doing and start crying all over because i feel I'm going crazy. Im sImiously thinking about going to the doctor, as much as i dontdon'te him, and telling him and in sure he'll send me in btu abuthis point i dontdon'tl secure enough in my ability to restrain myself. I get ittiirittitableLLy easily and well when i found htisthissite I'm thinking I'm going to rereadhe same thing that iI'vebeen hhearingfrom ootherppl (blaming me for it) or saying its all in my head which makes me feel like I'm crazier than before.

it's so important that you find a doctor that you can trust. if you are limited to docs.... i understand. i used to have to use our state mental facility and it sucks. they would just heard us through like cattle. i suggest that you do as much research and learn about meds and your illness then try to get on the right meds. you are obviously struggling very hard right now. how long have you been struggling?

i struggled for many years until i finally broke/snapped one afternoon. i ended up catatonic. i had to do something... it was life or death for me. i can sense the desperation in your posts. i am so sorry you are going through this but there are so many people on this forum just like you. and we all care and want to help as much as possible.

you are out of control right now but it doesn't have to be that way. i really believe that you are not properly medicated. some meds even make the situation worse! if you can imagine that... sigh. please feel free to private message me anytime. keep us posted and take care. puzzld