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After Abortion Regret

I had an abortion almost a year ago due to a pregnancy resulting from a one night stand (just as a note: I was on birth control at the time, which is why I did not get Plan B or anything like that afterwards because I had NO idea I could even get pregnant... until I did). I never told the father because we met in a state in which neither of us lived (he in OK, me in NY), so I imagined there was no way he could be there for me even physically, much less emotionally (as a stranger) or financially (as a student, like me). As I said, it's been over a year later and I regret my decision of not telling him almost constantly. Perhaps I feel this way just because the exact date draws nearer and I'm thinking about it more, but I have thought about it many times before. I'm very torn because I know in a way its really "too late" to tell him because what could he do? It would only serve to hurt him. But at the same time, did/does he have a right to know, even if it is after the fact? Or am I just being selfish because I have never told anyone else about the abortion and so I just want someone else to experience it with me and to talk about it with?

I genuinely want opinions on this. You will not hurt my feelings by what you say, I WANT to know what people would do in this situation so that I can better wrap my head around it.
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replied March 9th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
A father has a right to know he has a child but if the pregnancy wasn't caused by his irresponsibility and there is no child there is no benifit to him in knowing. I'm assuming you don't have a relationship with this man that would be affected by that information. You should let him be.

However, it's pretty clear you need to talk to someone about this. If you're not comfortable talking with a friend or family member it's a good idea for you to get counselling from a health professional. You obviously have feelings about this that you need to express to someone else. It think you'll be amazed at how good you're going to feel once you can share what you've been through with another person.

As to your regrets, I think you should be realistic about what you surrenderred. A child is a gamble even when you're prepared to raise one. If you decided to end your pregnancy I'm assuming you had the realization that you weren't prepared to be responsible for a human life. If you had birthed a child there would have been consquences you literally can't imagine that you would have had to protect that child from.
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