All the drugs listed in the Question a lot more.


But anyway, I used to be the person who would never touch any drugs other than weed. Did good in school, had plans and goals for my future. It seemed to happen over one single summer when I met what I now realize was a bad crowd. I began experimenting, afterall there is nothing wrong with experiment right? Heh..



Now I live every day wishing I could escape the hell that I got myself into. I am surrounded by addiction. My folks are both alcoholics, and my dad is on a ridiculous amount of pain medication/anxiety/antideps. He usually passes out somewhere in the backyard or in the middle of the kitchen. EVERY friend I have has this primary concern to get "f**ked up" all the time.



I need friends in my life, but the ones I have I know are slowly leading me to my early grave. The people who aren't on drugs I feel like I can't relate to because drugs has become the fuel that runs my life, my ambition, something the live for.



I still can't believe the snowball effect that has happened to me over the last few years. Any drug I do, I do big, and i'm always up for experimenting (luckily I haven't been offered to try crack/meth/heroine yet) Although never hospitalized for it, I know I have come extremely close to overdosing. Staying up days and days at a time without eating getting drunk popping uppers and downers



I love the feeling of flirting with death.



My only solution to my problem is to numb it out by taking more, or feel better by getting so tweaked out on adderall that I feel separated and satisfied with everything around me.



If you knew me in life im guy who always seems happy, keeps the peace between people (as best I can anyway) and is always trying to help out. Inside, I feel like I no longer exist, I am filled with guilt/sadness/emptyness. I've lost any ambition I have in life. Basically I feel like my life is some game I am failing miserably at and what to press the reset button, or just turn it off and end this pathetic excuse for a life.