well i think i got the caca end off the stick.

hi, my name is chris ford, i have been on some form of adderall everyday of my life since i was in 3rd grade for ADD. i m now TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD. so after 11 or 12 years, i have decided enough is enough.

for years i thought i was a machine,

a god,

i would stay awake for days without sleep or food, just cigarettes and redbulls, (for years i did this) i am an artist. so all i would do is paint and draw all night and go to work during the day and do drugs and drink with friends in the evening, next day, same thing. i was unstoppable, in the younger years, indestructible.

it came to a resent point where i needed to blow lines of adderal the minute i woke up every day or all hell would break loose,and FORGET about not having ne when i prescription ran out, i was ready, stocked, under control.

what a dummy i was.

adderall ran my life, alot of my art work became focused on depression and how adderall was the power behind my everyday, "adderall is the batteries of my life". even as im writing this, i know what the constant ringing in my ear is saying " this would be so much easier if u had some adderall"

but i do not. i have stopped taking it " cold turkey" ha, i read somewhere else on this thing that thats not a good idea. but nothing is impossible. i m now a tattoo artist, the worst thing about not being on this drug any more is zero motivation, not how my bones and body hurts for hours every morning, how tired i m ALWAYS, the increased depression, and dought of self worth, i feel like all the motivation to do things came from those pills. i now sit down with some paper, and nothing, i want to make art like i used to, thats the hardest thing about being off the drugs, i just want to create caca, but now, im blank.

i have found smoking weed helps with this problem alittle. but nothing like adderall used to.. oh man, the things id accomplish. i could do nething, and now, everything seems so limited, i hope this way of thinking gets done with soon. neone know ne other ways to help or ease these problems? im sorry if this post seems like it went nowhere, i have more to say. but i must stop writing, lack of focus and restlessness is overwhelming. hit me back friends.