I was in a verbally abusive relationship with someone for over 2 years. I dealt with so much, and it got to a point where I was crying nearly every single day. I was made to feel guilty for what I do or who I spend time with (family). My ex was a very manipulative person. He would try to control me subtly for the most part and he was very critical of me and others frequently. The first occurance of verbal abuse took place shortly after we moved in together. He approached me while I was on our front porch having a glass of wine after we arrived back from the movies. He asked me why I drank, even though he does also. I just told him I was relaxing and not doing anything wrong. I'm 24 years old, and 21 or 22 at that time. It's not like I'm breaking the law for having a glass of wine. I didn't even get defensive and he told me I was stupid. He out of nowhere also stated that the house was a mess and asked if I liked to live in a pig sty. It got under my skin that he mentioned that part because my sister and his brother were staying with us at the time, and we all made our share of mess. He continued to tell me that I said stupid things and acted stupid if I drank. I didn't believe that to be the case. But immediately I knew this was a form of assault. I told him to get away from me, and that I don't want to be with him anymore. He got extremely angry and he went inside and locked me out right after saying that it was his house and to stay out. Somehow after the incident I let myself believe that it was just one occurance. I later realized it was just one of many. But I now think back on the first occurance a lot. I felt I should share it. More recently (last Sunday morning) he attacked me physically. We were at his brother's birthday party and he was strangely upset with me. He left on foot and I went after him to figure out the problem. He grabbed me and threw me on my back on the front lawn. No one witnessed it. But I began to cry and headed back inside while he appararently walked home. I told his sister about it right away. It didn't hurt as much physically as it scared me. Later on when I arrived home, I tried to talk to him about it. He started screaming and saying that everyone at the party didn't like me and they were talking badly about me. He continued saying that I hated myself and that I was a bad person and knew it. He started down the basement. I made the mistake of following him and he did the same thing he did on the front lawn at the party, but on the concrete ground of our basement. I laid there a moment complaining that my back hurt. Then I got up and made my way up the stairs because I knew I needed to call someone. I had my mind set on 911. I have never called the police on anyone in my life. But he chased after me and when I tried to shut and lock the door of my home office he pushed his way in before I could get it locked. He grabbed the cordless and unplugged the plugged in phone I use for work and threw it on the ground. I was so upset. I went downstairs and outside hoping to get the attention of my neighbors so I could use a phone. He came out holding up my car and house keys and jigglled them saying, "looking for this?" He later claimed that he had thrown them. Later he just laid in bed to go to sleep as if nothing had happened. Then I reconnected the phone in the office I called the police. He must've heard the call being made because he took off. I didn't press charges. I just filed a report with them. Thinking back on it now, I really should have pressed charges. But that's neither here nor there. I went to stay at my mother's for a little while and gain some support from family because of the situation. When I returned home my car keys were on the stove along with a post it note from him. It said that he was sorry and that he had fell down the basement stairs and he never would mean to hurt me. An obvious lie. It also said that he realized he hadn't been fulfilling my needs and that the lord had great things in store for us in the future and that he loved me...all that jazz. It was so upsetting to realize that he had no intention of taking any responsibility for what he had done. He wouldn't even admit to it. I found out yesterday that he has been staying at his brother's house. My sister and his brother are together, and this is very upsetting to her that he's around after knowing what he did. His brother doesn't believe any of it happened. In fact, he was told that I was the one who assaulted him! This is all very hard to deal with. For him to not even have consideration for the fact that my sister is there along with her stresses (I believe her boyfriend- who is also my ex's brother is also verbally absusive to her). They have a 1 year old together also. A very hard situation for my sister to be in. The fact that her boyfriend doesn't even have enough respect for her feelings in the situation is very unsettling. So that's it. Here we are now just dealing with this. It's not over yet. I wanted to go to the prosecutor's office to press charges, but my job is making it very difficult to make it there. I can't afford to lose my job, because now I need to pay bills on my own. I'm afraid that by the time I have a day to go do it, it will be too late to do anything. He's just out there thinking that he can get away with this. How do I know that he won't do this to somebody else he ends up with? I feel like it's my responsibility. But I don't know what to do. Any advice will be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.
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