Abusive Parents

Hello, I'll try not to type to much. My Mother is very abusive to me and I don't want to hurt her or see her cry. The only way I can get her attention is to get extreme with her. For example, I don't have any money or I can't help you pay for anything anymore. I'm in financal ruin because of her. Recently, I've been having seizures in my sleep and very emotional dreams that leave me crying or fighting when I wake up. She won't help me do anything that does not benefit her. I've been the good son all my life and when I don't make good on one thing. She goes extreme and tells me I'm no good or selfish or tell family members about the one thing I didn't do. She will even comment that I'll die for acting a certain way. She says I'll have another seizure in my sleep and die if I don't do what she says.

I fear that I might be gay and this has followed me all my life. The one thing I knew my parents would not accept from me is being Gay. I'd rather die in my sleep then have family or people point fingers at me. My cup is full and it is killing me in my sleep. I'm not perfect and I feel no joy from life except loving street cars(fast and furious). She asked a few times if I was Gay and I lied. Mom talks everyday about Gay people and how its nasty and against God. She says Gay people have a mental disorder and they either have AIDS or will get it soon.

I'm 31 years old now and life is passing me by. I'm a college grad and a professional with a long resume. Besides work I have nothing else to do. My parents are not interested in why I sit around. I think they know the answer. Anyway, I'm very nervous and feel emotionaly drained. My mother acts like she doesn't like who I am. I think I don't like who I am either. To put more pressure on me my Father also has issues.